Could I have done anything differently? (Long)
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    Posting Addict cmljll's Avatar
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    Default Could I have done anything differently? (Long)

    I'm still trying to come to terms with my last birth. I need some feedback on what I could've done differently...

    My first pregnancy, I planned a NCB. DH and I took Bradley classes, practiced relaxation, I read a ton, hung out on here learning, etc. My OB is very NCB-minded and was excited about having another NCB momma. Once he found out I was taking Bradley, he asked me every appointment how classes were going and if I was "getting educated." When my Bradley instructor found out he was my care provider, she said, "Oh, you have NOTHING to worry about!" and told me that in addition to knowing him personally, her students that birthed under his care had very positive experiences. So I went through the pregnancy very confident, both about my body's ability and my choice of providers.

    As Dr. H said, up until the last month, my pregnancy was textbook perfect. At about 36 weeks, my BP was real high. I had no signs of pre-e but Dr. H put me on modified bedrest just to be safe. Despite following the Brewer diet most of my pregnancy, it continued to rise for seemingly no reason. Nine days before my EDD, the baby hadn't dropped any so Dr. H did an u/s to see if there was something in my bone structure that was preventing him from dropping. The bone structure was fine, but my amniotic fluid was almost gone. When Dr. H put my low fluid level together with the unexplained BP rise, he realized my placenta was failing (After the birth, I did some research on my own and everything I found verified his conclusion) An internal exam revealed that my cervix was still high and closed up tight. He discussed an induction with me, but it was obvious that my body was nowhere near ready and the induction would fail. So I opted for a c-section... When Ethan was born the next morning, what little fluid I had the day before was completely gone, despite drinking plenty of water.

    I'm really okay with my decision to go ahead with the c-section. I know that decision may have saved his life... It took me a while to be okay with the way things turned out though. I was determined that if I had any more kids, things would be different...

    Ethan was almost 20 months old when I got pregnant again. I had stayed on this board, learning, in the hopes of things going better if I had another birth.

    This pregnancy was rougher, but I didn't have the BP problems this time. The gallbladder issues that had started during my first pregnancy returned though. Between pregnancies I had it under control but it started acting up more and more as my stomach grew. I carried high again and my gallbladder became more and more inflamed. The baby dropped a little but at my 39 wk appt, he had moved back up but was still head down. My appt was on Wednesday. That night I started with an upset stomach. I still don't know if something I ate hadn't agreed with me or if my gallbladder started acting up. Thursday I barely ate or drank anything. Friday morning I could feel a limb pressing into my gallbladder. The pressure eased a bit when I sat on my birth ball or when I forced the limb to move. Unfortunately, he kept putting that leg (as I found out shortly) right back into my gallbladder. It was so bad that I started vomiting bile. I took a dose of Phenergan but it did nothing. I put a call in to Dr. H and he called back immediately. I was trying to explain what was going on, but kept having to tell him to hold on while I vomited. He told me to get to L&D ASAP and he would meet me there.

    As soon as I got there, they gave me another dose of Phenergan. It didn't help. After a shot of Demerol the vomiting eased a bit. As soon as Dr. H got there, they did an u/s. Gabriel had turned transverse and had a foot wedged into my gallbladder At that point I was a VBAC hopeful, 39w 1d, and had a transverse baby causing my gallbladder to be extremely inflamed to the point that not only couldn't I keep anything down, it had taken a lot of drugs to stop me from vomiting bile. Dr. H told me we needed to do another c-section. An hour later I was being cut open again, and Gabriel had turned head down in that time... It took a long time for my gallbladder to get somewhat back to normal, and it still acts up from time to time.

    I can't help but wonder if this c-section was really necessary. Part of me says it was, part of me says there were other options. I wonder if an external version would've helped, or if they could've even done one with my gallbladder being so messed up. Or if there were other things that could be done.

    It's been tough to accept how my body failed me. TWICE. Two c-sections, and I've never even been in labor

    What could I have done differently???
    Last edited by cmljll; 05-12-2010 at 10:31 PM.
    Connie
    Wife to Jesse (October '96)
    Mommy to Ethan (July '07) & Gabriel (December '09)

    Follow my journey to a healthier me! http://cmlhealth.blogspot.com/

    Parenting blog http://christian-ap-momma.blogspot.com/



  2. #2
    drakew
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    Honestly I do not think there is anything you could have done differently. It sounds to me like two necessary c-sections. I mean yes you could have tried a version. But with how weak your body probably was and the vomiting it might have been too hard on you. I know it is hard, but it sounds like you did everything you could and your body had other plans.

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    I mostly just lurk here, but wanted to say how sorry I am that you've never been able to have the birth you dreamt of and prepared for.
    Last edited by kris_w; 09-28-2010 at 11:12 PM.

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    Prolific Poster Winky_the_HouseElf's Avatar
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    From where I sit, I think you did what you needed to do. You are not a failure! You did the best you could given the circumstances you had. I'm so sorry that you did not have the birth experiences you'd hoped to have. It's valid to feel sad about that and I think it's helpful to take the time to grieve your loss.
    Laura
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    Our June baby arrived in May with the help of Hypnobabies.
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    Posting Addict faeriecurls's Avatar
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    I agree with the PPs. You really wound up in situations where it was medically necessary to have a c-section. You made the best choices you could under some very difficult circumstances. I'm sorry you haven't gotten the birth you wanted/planned for.
    Erica
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    Posting Addict jooniper's Avatar
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    K, I'm the queen of judging other people's births for what they could have done better (not something to be proud of, I know) and I can't spot a thing you did wrong. I really do think both c-sections were necessary.
    our birthing preparations may not have helped you through labor but they absolutely helped you make informed decisions that kept your babies alive. I'm sorry your body didn't cooperate but I don't think you should regret a thing.
    -Jenn -
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    Posting Addict Melychang's Avatar
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    I agree, I think you had two neccessary c-sections. I do think you were well informed and made the best decions you could.
    Melynda
    Mommy to three gorgeous girls
    Ally 22/03/07
    Zoe 01/12/08
    Georgia 04/10/10
    at 6 weeks 22/10/09

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    kvo
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    Quote Originally Posted by drakew View Post
    Honestly I do not think there is anything you could have done differently. It sounds to me like two necessary c-sections. I mean yes you could have tried a version. But with how weak your body probably was and the vomiting it might have been too hard on you. I know it is hard, but it sounds like you did everything you could and your body had other plans.
    I agree. You were so ill with Gabriel that I don't think it would have been wise to try any other means. With Ethan, the only thing you could have done differently was to try induction, but I don't know if that would be safe given the little to no fluid and a c-section still would have been likely.

    Are you planning #3?
    *Kristen*
    DD-Zoe July 2007
    DS-Liam June 2010




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    Posting Addict TyrantOfTheWeek's Avatar
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    I don't see how you could have done anything differently. I just always wondered why they didn't take your gallbladder since you have had a history of it acting up?

    Dylan 4/22/04, Devon 6/24/06,Dorothy 9/13/07, Derek 12/19/09, Daniel 12/18/10, Daphne 2/24/12
    Mindie and Mark, 5/16/09

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    Posting Addict cactuswren's Avatar
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    I agree with all PP...it's totally natural to be disappointed that you have fallen into the small percentage of women for whom modern medicine really is the better choice, but it does sound like you did absolutely the best you could and your providers made careful, safe, but necessary decisions. You ended up with two beautiful healthy babies in situations that easily could have ended differently without intervention...and that is exactly what those interventions are there for.

    I do wonder the same thing about having your gallbladder removed, particularly if you are planning for #3. Not that you should have done it sooner, because removing organs is also not something to be taken lightly, but in light of your previous experiences and since it is still acting up, even non-pg, is that something you might consider at this point?
    -Leigh-
    DD Adair Lucille 7/6/10
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