We always planned to have 4 kids close together in age and be done having kids by the time DH turned 30 and everything went according to plan. We have our perfect family. 2 boys 2 girls in 5 years. Hubby just turn 30 this fall.
BUT, now I'm thinking I might want another one...
And here is the reason, which is kind of crazy. I feel like with my fourth I finally did it all right. My first 3 births were great, they really were. I have no complaints at all. But, they pale in comparison to my 4th. Being at home was the best decision I could have made and I really regret not having my others at home. I'm not dwelling on it, obviously I can change anything, and like I said, they were good birth, but..... What if we had one more???
I feel like I finally did it *right* and then am quitting.
5 kids would be craziness. Especially because they are all so young. And I would want another close in age again, not to be the odd one out, way younger than the others.
I really, really enjoy being pregnant and have been blessed with healthy, easy pregnancies and births. My midwife jokes that I've got the best pelvis she has ever seen... lol... So many reasons to do it again, and so many reason to be content with what I've got.
Has anyone else felt this way? What did you do? Did the urge fade with time?
I've only had the one, but yeah, I've felt that way...kind of.
I think you have to decide whether you want another pregnancy/birth or you want another child. The pregnancy is only 9/10 months, and the birth is only a day, give or take a few hours. But the child is with you FOREVER! If you want the child at the end of the pregnancy/birth, then go for it. If not, then you might want to look into becoming a doula.
Ditto what Amber said. I feel that way now that I've gotten to have a good birth (in comparison to my other 2 births). I want the next birth to be a homebirth and if that goes smooth then I can definitely see myself having the exact same thoughts you are having. I could be pregnant and giving birth forever, I love it, but I don't think I want the kids that come with it so I'm gonna have to decide when enough is enough based on the actual children and not the birth experiences, if that makes any sense. But I completely understand where you're coming from, I'm there too!!!
Of course I probably won't have much choice as DH is pushing on 40s door and he will go get clipped when we have the next unless I do some serious sweet talking if that's what I really want. But he's probably right, one more is probably our limit. So, if the next birth goes as fantastically as I hope it does, I'll be really sad to be giving up pregnancy and birth as a hobby
Amber put into words exactly what I have been feeling too and didn't know how to express, thanks Amber!
Well I didn't have my first child until I was 32 and I am now on my 4th at 38 almost 39, so I can't relate there. I will say though that sometimes I think I got pg with my 4th just so I could get my vbac. Don't get me wrong this baby will be very loved and wanted, but I think my disatisfaction with my birth experiences is what led me to want more. I know that sounds weird. I think looking into being a doula is a great idea. It has really helped me. Being around birth is just amazing!
Christy birth doula, Hypnobabies instructor, small business owner & most importantly MOMMY.
My dad (father of 5) says after the first 3, other kids don't really add more to the chaos, it just kind of plateaus.
I know a lot of large families, and I haven't met a one that regrets having one more kid. (at least, I hope not, being the 5th in my family).
Personally, I'm terrified of too many kids under a certain age (that's why this baby is coming when Daniel is almost 3) but that's just my personality, I like a slow, calm household and get easily overwhelmed with too much going on.
I know pregnancy/birth is short lived and the real question is do I want another child. I guess I'm just struggling because it is such a HUGE decision! And there are so many things to consider... our goals and plans for our family, finances, can I manage more small kids... But , I just feel too young to be done and I do love being pregnant and birthing - it makes me sad to think I won't do that again. I'm only 29. DH wants to get snipped now, to prevent any accidents (4 kids in exactly 5 years, we've never ttc for more than 2 months - I'm fertile myrtle).
Maybe I should look into being a surrogate.
Though I have to say, that as an RN, I cannot see myself being a L&D nurse. I cannot imagine having to follows the policies and procedures of our hospital (which is not exactly progressive/NCB friendly). I also hate that there's no continuity of care. Which is why I started the process to become a doula.
But anyways....yeah. Right after Jesse was born, and since, I've wanted to do it again. I LOVE being pregnant and I LOVE birth. But I knew that I was not ready to do it again because I knew I didn't want the baby at the end....especially after Jesse's health problems started. It was a blessing in disguise that BFing worked so well as birth control for us.
Anyways, I think that you have a lot to think about, but at the same time, you're SO young! You still have lots of time. It's not like you're 39 and the clock is tick-tick-tickin' you know? It's a little different for us, because my husband is ancient (well, I like to tell him he is). But you really don't have to make a decision right away. Birth control options might be an issue though, depending on how badly you want to avoid and for what time period.
I was actually going to suggest surrogate.
I'm the same way with being fertile at least that's the evidence so far lol. I've wondered if I would actually feel done when DH does or not as well with my easy pregnancy and births and I also love being pregnant and giving birth. DH plans 4 kids, we are half way there and I'm only 22, DH is 27. I have thought about once we are done, being a surrogate but I think I would be too attached to the baby. That and DH doesn't like the thought of me carrying someone elses child. :-/
DS1-7/18/08, DS2-2/23/10, DS3 1/18/12
Wow you guys make me feel totally weird! I -hate- being pregnant! I have had such horrible pregnancies (morning sickness that lasts all 10 months) and most of you have read about how my birth experiences have been rather... uh... bad... I have to say even if this pregnancy continues to be wonderful (which it has been oddly enough) and my birth experience is finally one I can smile about... I will still hate the process!
I ADORE the babies and the growing up after birth, everything after the birth is awesome! As it is though this one is the last for me like it or not, hysterectomy is right around the corner for me so I'm going to do my best to enjoy the heck out of this if I can!
Adam and Eirinn
Ashleigh Jun 3 2000, Mackenzie Sept 21 2001, Jayde Jul 9 2006, and Liam Jun 9 2011
You're an RN too? I'm on the opposite coast in BC.