To doula or not to doula?

I have been hoping for a homebirth this time around. DH and I met with a midwife and had our questions answered and everything...but DH has decided he is just not comfortable with homebirth, and is afraid of the (albeit, small) risk. So, we are going to have another hospital birth. I want a doula, but apparently everyone in my area is $1500! Add that to my $2500 hospital bill, and I just don't know if I want to pay THAT much for a hospital birth.

What do you recommend? Did you have a doula? Do you think you could have done natural childbirth without a doula? Is it worth the cost?

TIA!

That's a tough one! I would first look at how supportive your husband (or other support) will be during the labor and if he'll be able to stand up to the staff (if needed) to ensure you get what you want and not what you don't want. If he's capable and willing then I think you'd be OK.

I know I've seen mention on here before about doula's in training being cheaper if not free, you could look into that.

Good luck and congrats!

Cindy

My thoughts exactly...I didn't need one, but that was because my DH was 100% on board and supportive--he was my doula :) You definitely need somebody fully informed and in your corner, but it could be a friend or family member if you have such a person.

And yes, if you think you need or want one, look into doulas in training. Often they will do it for free just to get the experience.

It depends on what you feel a doula would do for you.

My births are so fast a doula wouldn't really be necessary. I feel confident in my ability to advocate for myself and I know DH would do the same. The hospital were I delivered was not pushy about having the birth a certain way.

If you feel you will be "at risk" for medical interventions you don't want, then a doula could be a good choice. If you need someone to help you stay strong in your resolve and not choose pain meds, AROM, or something, then a doula could be a good choice.

Yeah, I think it depends. What have your previous births been like? If they are fast and not too intense for you, I would think you could do without one. AND I agree with PP that it REALLY matters what your DH is like as a support person. Some DH's just sit in a chair and play with their iphones while their wives labor. Others turn green and pass out and are no help at all. Others do their research and rub their wives backs, push on their hips, let them hang on their neck during contractions, sit behind them while they push, advocate as necessary and are just as involved and supportive as a doula would be. My DH did pretty well the first time around (he was hands-on, but also wasn't sure what to do and was a bit overwhelmed, so having a doula there was helpful for him that time) and I think now that he knows what to expect he will do even better. I got him a copy of the book The Birth Partner (Simkin) and I think that will help too. We are probably not going to get a doula this time because DH can handle it, I'm at a NCB-friendly hospital and my labor with DS was pretty quick, so it isn't really worth spending the $.

I said this on another post here recently, and I'll say it again here, and I'll probably say it again in the future. :) In labor & birth, the one who needs to be the most comfortable is the mom. Your husband's job is to help make you comfortable, and if that means that *he* might be a bit more uncomfortable, then he needs to suck it up & do whatever you need him to do for you to be comfortable. When it's his turn to carry & birth a baby, then he can make decisions that make him comfortable. Skip the doula, hire the midwife.

I would still consider a home birth. My DH was a little apprehensive at first as well. How close are you to a hospital? If you are with in 20 minutes of one then you are just as safe delivering at home as you are in a hospital. The risk really isn't any greater. Having just had a home birth I HIGHLY suggest going with that if that is what makes you most comfortable. With my second I went to the hospital because DH was more comfortable with that and regretted it so much afterwords. It may just take the right midwife to convince your DH too. ;) My midwife had clients that their DH was very apprehensive about home birth and she would send them to a different midwife that would seriously change their mind in a heart beat.

But if you can't get DH on board then you really need to make sure you have a very supportive partner whether that is DH or a doula you WILL need it. I was only in the hospital for 2 hours and my DH had to say something to the staff in just that 2 hours.

Quote:

---

When it's his turn to carry & birth a baby, then he can make decisions that make him comfortable.

---

Lol....love this!

I have never used a doula and have managed to have 4 completely unmedicated births. For the most part I was able to speak up for myself while in labor, but Dh was definitely behind me and my wishes and was there to be my support. I think YOU need to do what YOU, the birthing mother, are most comfortable with. Good luck!

My previous births have been...nothing out of the ordinary. No terrible experiences or anything. With my first, I was in labor for 8 hours total, wanted to go natural and made it to about 7cm before getting some IV meds to take the edge off. I felt pretty good after that birth, but wished I could have done without the meds. With my last birth, it was 12 hours (maybe 14?), and I had terrible back labor (he was sunny side up) and got the epidural. Recovery was a bit longer and more difficult with my last one too. It wasn't anything terrible, just not what I wanted.

I do want the homebirth, and I agree that the decision should mostly be mine...but it's just not in me to tell DH "sorry, I don't give a crap about how you feel, it's all about me." I wouldn't be fully comfortable at home knowing that he is uncomfortable. He really liked the midwife we met with and agreed that most likely everything would be perfectly fine...but he is very worried about the (albeit, small) risk.

I feel like he and I can advocate just fine and speak against doctors if necessary. I wanted more of the hands on support-massaging my back, knowing what positions will help if I have back labor again, etc. He is the type to want to be hands on, but not really know how or what to do.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by snuffy1680

He is the type to want to be hands on, but not really know how or what to do.

---

This was my DH, totally. When I first got pregnant, he was totally supportive of whatever I wanted but was making silly comments about poop in the tub and wondering "which end to stand on?" After going through the Hypnobirthing program with me, though, he was a really confident and amazing birth partner! I have also heard good things about the Birth Partner Book.