home or hospital...that is the question

10 posts / 0 new
Last post
MrsMangoBabe's picture
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276
home or hospital...that is the question

I'm really having a hard time figuring out if this baby should be born at home or in the hospital. When I first brought it up to DH, he kind of said he thought we should just go back to the hospital. I had a good experience last time at the hospital we went to (owned by the company DH works for--he works at a larger hospital that doesn't do L&D) and I think I could get exactly what I want if I am clear about it. My OB, Dr. I is a fabulous doctor, really much more like a CNM in her practice style. The things I was not super happy about from last time were, her forgetting to tell me I was GBS positive (so although I stayed home longer in labor, I was at the hospital longer after he was born...and I had the IV thing kind of sprung on me), how she wanted to check me because I was vocalizing in a way that indicated I was feeling pressure, and then found a cervical lip, which messed up everything, how I ended up pushing semi-seated on the bed after getting checked, because the thought of moving seemed beyond overwhelming, how pushing in that position was ineffective and the nurse ended up instructing me to hold my breath, how they took DS to the warmer to help him get breathing good, how she delivered my placenta with cord traction (and I think the result of the last two was that I needed drugs for hemorrhage), but I think if I explained some of these things to Dr. I, she will be willing to work with me on a lot of it...though if the baby needs help, it will still have to be taken to the warmer. I'm also not a fan of the office where Dr. I works--their administrative people are crappy. It would be nice talk to Dr. I again, though, and tell her about how I am getting certified to teach Hypnobabies and everything (she really encouraged me to get certified after seeing me give birth with it)

I have one friend who gave birth at home with a midwife team--their offices are kind of far away (about an hour as opposed to about half an hour to Dr. I's office), and I'd probably have to go down there for most of my prenatal visits, but I would give birth at home. I would love to have midwifery prenatal care. I talked to DH about it again last night and he seems open to the idea of home birth, though he has a lot of questions that he would need the midwives to answer--about cost and more importantly, about what equipment they carry--he wants to be sure they have everything necessary for if the baby were to need help after the birth, since both of our first two have had help in the hospital, and he has always been the one to watch this because he could go over to the warmer I couldn't. He was also asking me about what room I would give birth in (I guess he thinks that needs to be planned in advance?) and about paperwork details like getting a birth certificate. I think he would feel a lot better about homebirth if we talked to a midwife about it together. I don't like that if there was an emergency we would have to go to the hospital I'm not a fan of, because it is closer, though for a non-emergent transfer, I'm sure we could still got to my hospital. I'm also just worried about the "what if"s because, being a birth nerd, I know about all of them in detail. And I'm worried about the social issues with homebirth and what people at DH's work might think with him being a hospital administrator and all. I'm really not sure what I want.

If you manged to make it all the way to the end of this...what does it sound like I want to you?

shiregirl's picture
Joined: 09/23/10
Posts: 390

I'm not very good at figuring out what people really want, but I think you should go in and visit with the midwives together, and ask lots of questions. Bring notes on your questions. Don't go in there planning to make a decision that day, but go home and really ponder it for a few days. It would be best to come to a decision you can both totally feel at peace with. I would say not to worry about DH's coworkers too much, however I can see there being some raised eyebrows if you did need to transfer in for some reason. Your Dr. I sounds really great, btw, and it's always nice to know you have the hospital option with someone you know and trust!

mommys's picture
Joined: 05/08/06
Posts: 6264

Oh, Brittany, it sounds like a hard decision, although both options have definate benefits.

One of the biggest negatives about the midwives is their distance, are there any closer? I can't remember which city you are in, but I believe your are quite a bit north of me.
I'd sit down with the midwives for a consultation and just see how you feel afterwards.

cindyanns's picture
Joined: 02/20/10
Posts: 775

I really think you should look into the homebirth. It sounds like that's really what you want. Wink Like the pp said, ask lots of questions. It'll help you feel more comfortable with your decision, whatever you decide.

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3013

It's such a tough call. I had a few complaints about delivering with an OB at a hospital, but personally wouldn't plan a home birth (based on the experience of a close friend and DH's absolute refusal to consider one).

For this pregnancy I found a mixed practice where I can see just the MWs (but the OBs are there for emergency c/s, etc). The practice used to have a birth center and the MWs are super NCB friendly even though they deliver at a hosp. The hosp is pretty NCB friendly, too.

I'd look into the homebirth (since DH seems open). But I'd also look into a birth center or a MW practice which delivers at a hospital. If you decide you're not comfortable with a homebirth you may have some in bewteen option. Good luck!

MrsMangoBabe's picture
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276

My options are VERY limited here. The closest birth center is 2 hours away, through a mountainous area that may not be safe to travel in December, anyway. These midwives who are an hour away are the closest homebirth midwives--they are both state liscensed and one has her CPM credential. There is one hospital midwife practice (there used to be 2, but one of them closed because the OB who ran it had to leave because of issues between her and the hospital), but they only deliver at the hospital I don't like--the competetor to DH's hospital (which my insurance doesn't pay as much for), and I've heard those midwives are not that great, anyway--one lady I talked to as a potential doula client describe her prior birth with one of them and it was actively managed for no apparent reason. Plus their office is run by the same company that runs Dr. I's office, aand all of their clinics have un-impressive admin staff. The hospital where I had DS has only one practice who attends births there, and they have only family practice docs and OBGYNs, but I would be fine with going back do Dr. I if I decided hospital birth was right...I'm still processing.

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

If it were I would choose homebirth, but you aren't me. Hugs to you. Let it way on your heart and you will come to the decision that is best for you and your family. I sounds like you are processing all the options right now and laying it all out on the table, which is good. Good luck!

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

I faced a pretty similar dilemma when I was expected my fourth. I'd had 3 good hospital births, so it wasn't as if I had some horrible experience or something. My doctor is great and I actually felt like a traitor for using mw care this time around. Also, I'm a mat nurse, so I had to deal with extra "what will people think" issues and knowing "too much" myself. And my DH had similar concerns as yours (except cost because it is all free here).

I chatted with the mw (on a slow day at work Smile ) and I was sold. She gave me all sorts of materials about their supplies, protocols, and stuff which really put my mind at rest. In the end, I decided to have a hb and am so glad I did. It was absolutely perfect.

So, my suggestion would be what the other pp have said. Talk to the mw and get your logistical questions answered and then give yourself some time to ponder about where YOU really would be most comfortable.

Good luck! Whatever you decide, it sounds like you have a really good team around you Smile

Illiana's picture
Joined: 09/29/05
Posts: 338

Talk to the midwives. After I had my daughter in a birth center that was pretty non invasive and was an overall good birthing experience, having my son at home was so much more fulfilling and such a wonderful experience. Just from all the little things at your last birth it sounds like you want a more hands off experience and i'd say at the very least if you do decide on going to the hospital, hire a doula and be very specific with her on what you want/need during l/d and immediately after the birth. Good luck, its a hard decision esp if DH isn't 110% on board.

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

ITA that you and your DH should go meet with the HBMW for an 'interview' and to ask all the questions that you have. It might help both of you come to a decision eaiser and clear up some of the concerns you may have. Plus you'll be able to find out if the MW for the HB is even a good fit for you and your family. I wouldn't let the fact that the HBMW is an hour away totally turn you off to the idea. Our HBMW was over an hour away from our home and it just ended up working out for appts. and when labor started. Sounds like you were mostly happy with your hospital experiences so if the HB isn't a good fit then you have a great place to go!