I guess first things first ~ is there even anyone here who has had 5+ kids and had a homebirth? It seems most have 2 or 3 kids at home at most? So if I'm wrong wave your hand! This is kind of a spin off from my other thread about hospitals and those who prefer hospital births over home. It's what sparked the coversation between my friend and I because I told her that I honestly wasn't sure if I was going to have this baby at home - as much as I absolutley LOVED my last homebirth, I did NOT love the postpartum time and because of that I've contemplated having this little one in the hospital. I know which hospital I'd deliver at & have had 3 friends deliver there w/in the last 10 months, all having had good experiences.
However, I've not thrown away the idea of a homebirth. I'm still meeting a few midwives in the area next week & I'm trying to plan in my head how I could make the postpartum time easier. More rest, easier meals on hand & so forth. I have a wonderful (WONDERFUL) postpartum doula but her help is daytime hours and really it's just not the same - it's still good, I love what she does & will have her regardless of whether I have a home or hospital birth but she can't take the kids for a night and the cost of having her take the kids all day for a few days, well it's just not going to happen. My family have been great for my hospital births - I guess they just think "well your at home, soo..." with homebirths (which they also support, they just view it differently I guess) and so they don't help as much, regardless of the fact that I asked & asked after my last birth. I also feel obligated to still mother everything & everyone in the house - when I'm away from the house I don't. Ya know?
Soo if by chance there is anyone here who can relate, I would love your thoughts, experiences &/or input.
Do you remember Lisa? She had baby #6 at home a couple years ago. She called him Finn. Not sure if you were around at that point or not? I know she doesn't post here anymore, but she has a blog...I'm sure you could get a hold of her and talk to her if you want.
Other than that....how long would you be in hospital for an uncomplicated natural birth? Probalby not long, right? So you'd still have to deal with everything once you got home. Also, if you have a deep freezer, you can prepare a ton of meals before you have the baby. Then all you have to do is defrost and warm them up afterward. maybe even invite some friends over to help you? Or throw yourself a freezer meal baby shower?
Sorry I can't be of much help.
Yep! I know Lisa & still talk with her on a regular basis. She had her 6th at home as did I. I also did the freezer meals, but I do that anyways (when pg or not) b/c it's just easier lol
It really depends on when I deliver, two or three days. I know it's not long but a night or two of sleep without kids really does make a difference lol In all honesty though I would much rather be at home - I just gotta figure out how to do it so it's not so stressful. I'm also *terrible* at asking for help and with the huge let down from my family, it just add's to my issue of asking for help, which then of course add's to the my worry of having another stressful postpartum.
Maybe I should talk with Dh about this, just let him know my feelings.
Do you have a problem having your kids go to a trusted family member's house for a "sleepover"? I don't know if your kids are used to spending the night away from home or not. I only have 3 at home and would like to have a homebirth next time and I would want to plan for my kids to stay with g-ma for at least 2 nights after the baby is born. If you can get the kids out of the house that would cut down on housework that needs to be done anyway and minimize meals tremendously.
What about DH? If you talked to him about how you feel with the lack of help last time, would he be able to step up and ask for help? My DH and I had a code word when I was in the hospital with the last two kids. If I said the code word it was his responsibility to get everyone out so I could rest. I used it with DS but didn't need to with DD2.
Have you talked to anyone IRL about the lack of help last time? I know I would, but I don't want to assume you are as brash as I am. My DH says I lack cooth and that not everyone is as confrontational as I am
I would feel more comfortable asking friends instead of family to help out around the house, especially those friends that have had kids and know what needs to be done to be helpful.
I'm definitely not trying to talk you out of a hospital birth, it just sounds like you really like the birth experience at home so trying to figure out ways you can still have that and get some help. I would think just getting the kids out of the house would really be helpful, but I know not everyone's kids are comfortable staying away from home.
If you go to the hospital, who would watch the kiddos? At your home or theirs?
I would have a homebirth if we had more children. Not much help, I know. lol
Kristina, (formerly known as ~Kristina~)
doula and apprentice midwife
Wife to Jesse 8.18.01
Mom to Ayden 12.18.01, Kailey 7.1.03,
Ashlyn 6.11.05, Dylan 9.29.07 & Riley 12.8.09
With our next one we are sending the boys off and out of the house. At least that's the plan. At night they will be brought back for bed, they wont sleep out of their beds, but during the day I will send them with DH's mom.
DS1-7/18/08, DS2-2/23/10, DS3 1/18/12
Mindie (TyrantOfTheWeek) had 4 at home when she had this baby at home. I am not sure if she will be popping in, but I am sure she can relate.
Christy birth doula, Hypnobabies instructor, small business owner & most importantly MOMMY.
Have you considered getting a hotel room for a couple nights so you can still get the rest and time away?
Well, that settles it. I'm coming to you for your birth and I'll watch all of those sweet kiddos while you sleep and nurse a new babe. K? I even make some mean meals for many post-baby.
I know how you feel, and it does really require that someone come in and take care of YOU and your kiddos....and does so in a way that makes them feel special and not neglected by mommy, kwim? You don't want them to be jealous of the new baby.....but you also cannot possibily do it all.
I remember after having Lexi feeling really helpless. My MIL had come to stay with us, but she is of NO use at night or middle of the night. My parents came for the birth, but they stayed in a hotel to stay out of our hair. I had Lexi at about 530p, so by the time the MW and others cleared out, it was late. And Trey had just been released from the hospital and was so zonked out and totally worthless. I remember getting the other kiddos settled into bed, having this sweet (and wide awake!) newborn, and everyone in the house was asleep but me. I just prayed that nobody needed me bc I had nothing to give. I was spent emotionally and physically. Thank God that they all slept all night and that Trey was okay the next day, bc if someone needed me in the night I honestly don't know what I would have done. I remember hugging my mom goodbye for the night as she was heading to the hotel and being literally scared....not good.
Our help was really great the days after the birth (all of our grandparents live out of town, so when they come to visit it is a special treat and they took the kids out alot to things like the movies, museums, parks, etc....)
Good luck with your decision ((HUGS))
DD 8.03, DD 6.05, DS 3.07, DD 5.09, and DS arrived 6.17.12