how do I get over this?

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
how do I get over this?

We just found out we are having baby #3. DS was a really hard birth, I went 3 days and to 6 cm before getting the epi and pitocin and having lots of complications and another day of labor (he was sunny side up and stuck and early so they couldn't help him till I was 37 weeks). With DD I went totally natural. It was fast (about 4 hours) and I always said if we had a 3rd then I would go natural again. But when I found out I was actually pg I got scared. The first thing I thought was that I want an epi, I don't think I can handle doing it again. We thought we were done with having kids, this one is a surprise. How do I get over this fear? Addie's birth was so intense. Sorry I'm venting on you guys, I just don't know where else to vent to.

AJsmommy's picture
Joined: 05/08/07
Posts: 289

I don't have any advice, but (((hugs))). Congrats on your pregnancy!

jooniper's picture
Joined: 08/27/07
Posts: 780

Ugh, that's a rough situation. Pregnancy is trying enough when it's planned and anticipated. Fortunately you have a long time to adjust to the idea.
Remember every labor is different. As different as your first two labors were, this one could be your ideal birth. You also have a long time to prepare- see what things you might have done or prepared for differently that might have helped with the other labors. I had back labor too, and I don't want to repeat the experience- so I'll be trying every trick in the book to get this baby in the right position. I had a really bad tear last time- honestly I'd rather labor 4 times over then deal with that tear again- so I chatted with my midwife about my fear of that. We both recognize that it's very likely I will tear again since the first one healed so poorly, but that it might be a good thing because we can help it heal right this time.
As for a very intense, short labor- not sure what you can do to prepare for that, though all I can think is you KNOW you can do it- you've done it before, and you've seen the rewards at the end and how worth it it can be.
Good luck and HH9M to you!

rainymama's picture
Joined: 08/24/07
Posts: 409

congrats on your pregnancy...i would try not to stress about the birth part right now - i will tell you that when i found out i was pg i was not too excited about giving birth either. it helped me a lot to read positive birth stories. hugs!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

This is our third baby too and it was a complete surprise!

I had a LOT of fears going into this pregnancy...not knowing how I was planning to birth was one since my last two were difficult as well and also the reality of having another when I just wasn't ready scared the living daylights out of me. I actually cried for two solid weeks...:(

I found that time was what I needed and time to process the fact that I was preggo again and also to just think about what I really wanted as far as how I wanted to give birth again. I didn't start thinking about HOW until I had processed the fact that I was pregnant more. I guess around 12w I started thinking more about it. Me and DH spent so much time talking about it. I even considered a repeat c/s (I've had two previous) but in the end I knew in my heart that I couldn't do it and started the process of planning a homebirth. Just making a decision and sticking with it and planning made me feel so much better and I am due any time now and going into this with hardly no fear. Oh and hypnobabies has helped a LOT!! I highly recommend it!

CaBlondie918's picture
Joined: 01/27/07
Posts: 260

:bighug: No advice here, but Congratulations and HH9M Smile

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

Congrats on your pregnancy! I don't have any really great advice but its good to know you have many months ahead to deal with your feelings and fears and try to work through them.

MrsMangoBabe's picture
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276

Hi Stefanie, congratulations on your pregancy! It sounds like the biggest reason for your long labor with your son was his position, and your second went much faster because she was in a better position. Every birth is different, though, and you won't know what this one will be like until you get there. Have you considered doing Hypnobabies? It has some good techniques for overcomming fears.

kvo
kvo's picture
Joined: 12/18/06
Posts: 902

You have a long time to think things over. The only thing you will want to decide in the next couple months is where you want to give birth. If you are at a hospital with a CNM, then you will have the option to get some pain relief if things get long and really difficult. I am getting scared and my last one was only 4 hours (yes super intense w/epi) but not a frightening or "difficult" labor at all.

Hypnobabies does have fear clearing as well as positive affirmations you can listen to while you sleep (or awake) to put good throughts in your mind.

I'm looking forward to following your journey. Congratulations!

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

Congratulations on your pregnancy, those surprise BFP's can take some time getting used to. Our last baby was a surprise, I remember all too well looking at the test and thinking "oh grief!" lol

You mentioned that once you found out you were pregnant you were scared. What is it exactly that's scaring you? Is it the birthing itself that scares you? Being able to pinpoint the fear(s) can often help in the process of overcoming it. I know it may sound silly to ask these questions, but often times when you really look at it it's something underlying & by being able to pull it to the surface, examin it and address it your able to take the fear out of it. I agree with those who mentioned Hypnobabies - it's a wonderful program!

DJMandyB's picture
Joined: 10/18/07
Posts: 68

No advice here, just :bigarmhug: and congratulations!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Thanks everyone, this has all really helped. I will definitely find hypnobabies. I think it's just fear of the intensity, especially pushing the baby out. It's just something I need to work out. I know I have a long time to process it but it's going to take that long, lol. I have been lurking for a really long time, reading lodges, and I can't wait to follow you all again.