I just need to vent a little...

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tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743
I just need to vent a little...

Hey girls, I know I don't post here much but I just needed somewhere to vent.

I have a friend who is pregnant (doesn't live close) and her and her husband are all into eating whole foods and she is gluten free, etc. Well, Monday was her due date and she said she was being induced on Thursday (yesterday) if she didn't go into labor by then. I think I thought she had a midwife but she doesn't and I as gracefully as I could told her I hoped she went into labor before then but to try not to be induced because of the risks, etc etc.
Well Thursday comes and she posts an update that they finally started "the first step in inducing her" (cervadil maybe?) at 7pm. Of course she is all comfortable in her hospital bed watching tv and waiting...
Then this morning the update is that she started pitocin at 6am and not much is happening. AHHHHHH!!!! I Just want to scream at them to just WAIT on their BABY and not try to make her body do something it's just not ready to do yet! It's SO frustrating. So I left this message: Is there any dilation/effacement/softening yet? Would they let you go home and try again later if there's no progression? You guys should do what *you're* comfortable with but maybe baby just isn't ready yet? Praying praying that things progress and go smoothly!

It's SO hard because I don't know her super well - her husband went to college with mine and they are pretty close. But she is a great girl and seems to have a good head on her shoulders and I totally thought she would know better than this! :bonkself:
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I just really really hope this doesn't lead to a c-section. She is already pretty destined for an epi with pitocin starting...
Oh and what doctor induces that early? I thought they usually waited at least a week, this was just three days late! My babies were 5 and 6 days late and those extra few days in the long run didn't matter one bit!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

:bighug: Some people seem to think "due date" means "expiration date." If she doesn't have any medical condition to warrant induction, she's better off waiting especially if this is her first. Good luck waiting. Blum 3 I hope you get good news soon.

Joined: 05/15/08
Posts: 413

I was going to be induced three days after my edd with #2, because my first was 10# 10oz, and I was scared ds2 would be bigger. Thankfully, it didn't happen and ds2 was a pound smaller. With #1 I was almost railroaded into a section because the ob who backed up the mw didn't allow tol over 9 pounds. My mw induced and we had my big baby at home. I'm not a small girl either.

Depending on your friend's frame, estimates of the baby's size, and the policies of the hospital, this may be normal procedure--especially if your friend has allowed herself to get scared. I hope it all goes well!

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Hope all is going well for her. Does sound the start of the induction train that leads to c/s. BTDT myself. Sad

ErikaArcher's picture
Joined: 09/06/04
Posts: 379

so sad and frustrating. Sad

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

My neighbour told me here that I could ask for an induction at 38-39 weeks. I was shocked. My first was under 7 lbs at almost 42 weeks. I can't imagine if I'd asked for an induction at 38!

Joined: 04/30/09
Posts: 2257

It is frustrating to read about situations like this. Induction should be left for medical purposes not scheduling/convenience.

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

A disheartening update:
I did find out that she had the baby about 24 hours after they started the induction. However, I just went on FB to check his weight (maybe they induced because he was big?), found he was 8 lbs 6 oz and ... that she had a c-section.
I just want to bang my head up against the wall. I wish we lived closer to them so I could have en-undated errr talked to her about options and knowing the facts, etc. and recommended Your Best Birth and told her to watch TBoBB etc.
AHHHHH!!!
I can't believe it; I just can't believe it. I was following it and knew where it was headed. They probably said she was failure to progress or had to up the pit so much that the baby freaked out and they had to do it "for the safety of the baby."

I HOPE HOPE HOPE that she gets support next time and doesn't just resort to a repeat c/s. I think I might have to send her some "encouraging" VBAC messages next time around (she'll probably have more, they love kids).
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent even more.

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2440

I know so many people that asked to be induced at 38-39 weeks when they are perfectly healthy. And most doctor's here in Texas will induce at 39 weeks on request. I'm so happy that March of Dimes has started their 39 week commercial. If you haven't seen it...March of Dimes 39 Weeks - YouTube

However, even though I don't agree with inducing for the sake of comfort, I try to stay out of people's business. I know I can't change everyone's mind about how to birth. But if this isn't how she planned it and she couldn't advocate for herself, then yes I feel bad that she didn't have support.

You're in a tough position because, its already happened and you can't change that for her. She might have lots of regrets and guilt going on. You really need to be careful with what you say to her. Just be happy for her and the baby.

I hope she and the baby are doing ok. In the end a healthy baby and healthy mom are all that matters.

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

I haven't seen the March of Dimes commercial but I have seen some of their ads. Great idea!

Yeah really I wouldn't dream of saying anything to her at this point about it. I'm just thinking about down the road and I have no problem asking her about a vbac when she's pregnant again.
And I'm also just venting here so I don't go crazy!

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

So I found out that the baby had a knot in his cord and it was wrapped around his neck... but does this alone warrant a c-section? I have heard of plenty of vaginal births where the baby comes out with the cord around their neck and they just make sure and fix it as the head is coming out. Thoughts? I just want to know where I would start if I ended up talking to her about it someday.

ErikaArcher's picture
Joined: 09/06/04
Posts: 379

Some statistics estimate that up to 30% of babies have a nuchal cord. (most statistics put it closer to 20%) [h=3]Nuchal cord[/h]The cord may become coiled around various parts of the body of the fetus, usually around the neck. Nuchal cord is caused by movement of the fetus through a loop of cord.
One loop around the neck occurs in approximately 20% of cases,[27] and multiple loops occur in up to 5% of pregnancies.[28]
Nuchal cord has been associated with labor induction and augmentation, prolonged second stage of labor, and fetal heart rate abnormalities. One report has described a decrease in umbilical cord pH at delivery with nuchal cord, but the difference found (7.32 vs 7.30) does not appear to be clinically significant.[29]
Nuchal cord can be detected using color Doppler ultrasound, with a sensitivity of over 90%.[30]
Nuchal cords rarely cause fetal demise and are not intrinsic reasons for intervention.[28, 31] Given the minor decrease in pH, fetal monitoring in labor would appear to be prudent, but no data are available to address this issue.


There are differences in "knots" and true knots. True knots only occur 1% of the time. The cord forms helices and often times people see "knots" and they are actually false knots. They are common and pose no danger.

So to answer your question: No a nuchal cord and/or "knot" is not a reason to c-section. A baby repsonding poorly to labor with bad heart rate recoveries would be though. I have seen docs get impatient and do a c/s and then tell the mom it was a nuchal cord. In fact there was a recent birth on the tollway here and the parents were told "OMG you are so lucky bc the baby had the cord around it's neck" I think many doctors play that card to be much worse than reality to make moms feel better. i have never heard a doc come out and say "Oh well the baby was fine - I called that one too early" to a mom. With the amount of information in your post it's impossible to say at this point.

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

Nuchal cord has been associated with labor induction and augmentation, prolonged second stage of labor...

I think many doctors play that card to be much worse than reality to make moms feel better.

Wow, so unfortunate. Pretty sure that both those associations were true with her. And yes, it makes sense that they would play that card. The cord around his neck just *sounds* bad to people who just aren't familiar with it at all. Sigh. This is why I want to go into being a doula - so I can advocate against scare tactics like this!!

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

I'm sorry, I know that I haven't been that active on here, but I am planning on going as natural and intervention free as possible. I probably shouldn't say anything, but this thread has been seriously disturbing me for days now; it just feels like so much judgement being heaped on this poor woman who isn't here to defend herself or her decisions. Like:

Now I don't even know if I have any words that I can say to her that would really be nice right now. :/

Seriously? A woman you don't know that well or have much emotional investment in didn't have her baby the way you would have wanted her to (heck, maybe not even the way SHE would have wanted to) and because of that you can't think of anything nice to say to her about having had a baby? How about "Congrats, he's beautiful, glad you're both doing well."

I can tell you right now that even having read what Erika just posted, if my dr said to me "We think the baby has a knot in his cord and it's wrapped around his neck and we feel he needs to come out now" I would let them give me c-section because risking having the baby die (even if it's a small risk) would be too scary for me. Maybe that's a dumb emotional decision, but I can pretty much gaurantee that's what I would do. To me, it's pretty easy to empathize with.

I just don't think that any of us are well served by sitting around and judging each other, whether that's "She chose not to have an epi??? She's crazy!!!!" or "She listened to her doctor and ended up having a c-section...what a dumb dumb!" In the end, a birth that results in a healthy baby and a healthy mom is a pretty good birth, IMO.

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

I think my comment was taken out of context. I went ahead and removed it because of that. I just feel like this board is a safe place to VENT and say things that I would never DREAM of saying to her.

And I do know her; and especially because my husband is close to hers I feel like I do have a relationship of some sort with her. I think if she were just an acquaintance of a sort, I wouldn't be as concerned about it. This is just something I'm very passionate about and again, I would NEVER EVER preach to her about all of this. I find it helpful to read what Erica posted because it can help me in the future if others have questions about things like that.

And I did say congratulations to her and I might even say that I hope she's healing well; I just was so bummed at the time that I couldn't say anything else to her. I'm not mad at HER, I'm mad at the healthcare system and how they do stupid things sometimes that you can see coming a mile away. (ie induction)
I'm sure if the doctor said something to me about the cord, I would do the same thing, but if at all possible, I wouldn't have been induced in the first place knowing how much it can go downhill.

I'm not trying to judge her; again, I'm more here to VENT VENT VENT

And if you don't agree with that, that's fine but it's pretty much the attitude of people who post on this board. That's why I came here and not on our birth board because I KNOW people would be offended.

ETA: I'm not saying that doctors are bad, or they all make the wrong decisions when it comes to birthing, etc., but I do believe that IN GENERAL doctors are not the best people to be birthing normal, low risk babies/pregnancies. But of course that's a whole 'nother animal.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

You're right, your attitude is probably a lot more "the norm" on this board than a birth board. I'll know where to stay from now on. Smile

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

I guess I could have come over to the debate board if I wanted to debate haha! Wink

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2440

I know you are venting and while I share a lot of the same views with you, I'm also inclined to trust the professional in front of me. I even told my midwife that last week when I saw her. I try not to go a'googling my hunches to validate my views. Decisions made in the medical field are made quickly. Sometimes those decisions are for the best and sometimes they are made prematurely. The important thing is, is that your friend and her baby are doing well. In my opinion that is a successful birth.

Also if your friend has any kind of anxiety issues... that may have led her to not advocating for herself. I have serious, SERIOUS medical anxieties. I guess you can say I'm a hypochondriac. I will probably tell my midwife and doula that I'm dying numerous times during labor. My hypochondria is the same reason I don't want an epidural or c-section though. Haha. But seriously if the cord was wrapped around my baby's neck and my midwife said I'm going to need a c-section, heck I'd do it. Also I know in some states midwives can deliver a breech baby, but in Texas that is illegal. If the baby is breach, you are required to have a c-section. So I best not be judged if that is the scenario.

I'm a professional myself (not medical related) but it irritates me when I have to go to school for 6 years and then take 5 years worth of exams and then another 3 years to get a license and people feel like they know how to do my job better than I do. So I highly suggest that if she asks, point her in the direction of a professional such as a midwife to help answer her questions.

I think if your friend is genuinely concerned about her birth experience then by all means SUPPORT her, HELP her find her answers. But I think its a bad approach to judge her and convince her there is only one correct way to birth. She may not even be eligible for a VBAC. Not everyone is.

I rarely post here. But I have to admit that I am hesitant to do a birth lodge here when my time comes. I fear that I will be in that 3% group that planned for a natural birth and did everything right and ended up with a c-section. I am afraid I will be judged if I do have a c-section. I'm afraid I will think its my fault that I had to have a c-section. So much freaking pressure man.

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

Elizabeth, I really hope you don't feel like that here.
I had a c-section with my first because of eclampsic seizures and even though I wish it hadn't happened, it was the best decision at the time and still would be if it happened again.
I think the most important thing is that you're informed - you know your options and if you want an epidural, c-section, etc. than by all means do it. But the thing is you KNOW the risks, you're not just following the doctor's orders.
And FWIW I trust my midwife totally. I don't think you should have a care provider that you don't trust. I've read lots of books and such as well but yes, when it comes down to it with my pregnancy, my midwife is the one I trust the most.

I'm really not trying to be a know-it-all about everything. If you knew me in person, I'm not like that at all. I won't push my beliefs on someone who's not interested but if someone is, then I'm all about telling them what they want to know. But I realize it's my opinion and they need to make their own decisions.
I don't want to convince anyone that there is one way to birth; I just believe my way is the best way to birth for ME but it's not for everybody.

I think the whole thing that bothered me is that she had an induction 3 days after her due date and that really got me. But again, it's true that it's not for me to judge her choices. I just want people to be informed.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

Never mind. Just, yes Elizabeth, I agree with everything you said.