I know it's not my place, but I feel like I should've said more
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Thread: I know it's not my place, but I feel like I should've said more

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    Posting Addict momW's Avatar
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    Default I know it's not my place, but I feel like I should've said more

    Sorry for the encryptic title. My cousins wife was complaining on FB this Wednesday because her dr wouldn't induce her until today. She was a week overdue, no complications, just tired of being pregnant. Anyway, I mentioned to her that she should try to not think of it as a Due Date, but a guesstimate and that the baby would let her know when she was ready. I wrestled with myself over saying anything, but my mouth is big and I just couldn't help myself. So I PM'd her and asked her if she had tried nipple stimulation and gave her some online resources. I didn't so much try to pressure her not to be induced today, but let her know there were things she could do that might help if her body was ready.

    Anyway, she politely told me that she had a brand new pump and it wasn't returnable if the seal was broken and it was opened so she didn't want to use it if BF'ing didn't work. She said she had also read somewhere about nipple stimulation but the article also said to ask your dr because there was some concern. Anyway, she blew off the suggestion. No big deal, not really my problem, just thought I'd throw it out there for her.

    Well, I just talked to her MIL (my aunt) and she had a beautiful baby girl at 2pm via c/s because she wasn't dilating and the baby was stressed. Apparently she was dilated maybe a half a cm when she went in and they gave her pit to start it and knowing her dr I'm sure the dosage went up quickly (he's a jacka$$ IMO and shouldn't have a license but that's another story).

    I know it wasn't my place to say anymore than I did, but I just feel so bad for her. I was there before, young, dumb, trusting and uninformed. There's not really any point to my post, I'm just sad for her and also angry at the same time.

  2. #2
    Mega Poster krazykat's Avatar
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    I can understand your feelings. It is always such a tough spot to be in, especially when there is nothing really we can do or say that will change things.

    If it were me, in a couple of months I would try to sit down with her and ask how she feels about the birth and recovery and everything. If she is fine with it, then once again there really is nothing you can do, but I know that I REALLY NEEDED someone to talk to after everything happened with me and DD. Maybe she will be much more receptive then, and I bet she will also appreciate your support.
    Ariel & John: Military Family since May 17, 2006

    Sylvia: 12/18/08, Justus: 9/17/10, Bunni: 5/11/12, Surprise Baby: Guess Date 11/5/13



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    Mega Poster Mom2ThreeKiddos's Avatar
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    This has happened to me before. I felt bad after because I was afraid I offended them. It is tough because a lot of people just go with the medicalized way of birth and don't think anything of it. I actually read a horrid article on FB yesterday claiming home birth was selfish. Sigh! If you are close with her then I would talk to her later, if you aren't then I would let it go.
    Christy birth doula, Hypnobabies instructor, small business owner & most importantly MOMMY.

    http://nurturedbabyboutique.com



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    Posting Addict jolly11sd's Avatar
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    I'm sorry her induction didn't go so well. You at least put yourself out there and offered a suggestion. If she had really been interested in trying to start things up herself she might have asked if you had other suggestions. Try not to be to hard on yourself and just be there for her in the next few weeks if she needs you.
    ~Joy~ DS1-8/5/05, DS2-10/18/10 (VBAC#1), DS3- 4/11/12 (VBAC#2!)


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    You did the best you could and good on you for speaking up at all. It is hard to know what and how to say sensitive things like that. She might want to chat with you about it in time once she has had a chance to process it all.
    Last edited by kris_w; 10-19-2010 at 12:11 AM.

  6. #6
    Super Poster ecoberry1's Avatar
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    It sounds like you did the right thing. You politely offered some advice, which unfortunately she declined. Some people don't want to be educated, or they just don't know who to believe, KWIM? She obviously trusted her doctor more than anyone else and that's what she got. Oooh, that sounded way more mean than was intended. Anyway, it's very unfortunate how her birth turned out, but maybe she's not upset about it. Some women really do feel that a healthy baby is the most important thing. It's hard though.

    Also, Christy, put up a link to that article on FB you were talking about? I always love to hear what "the other side" has to say.
    bgm_crop

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    Posting Addict gardenbug's Avatar
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    I too am curious about the FB link...although I'm not on FB.
    Leo (3 1/2) with Malcolm the cat

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    Mega Poster quiltingmarie's Avatar
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    You tried, and that's what counts. There's only so much you can do!
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    Posting Addict MrsMangoBabe's Avatar
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    I'm sorry your friend ended up with a c/s. And I'm sorry you feel like you could have helped her avoid it. Remember "you can lead a horse to water..." Sometimes a woman is just nor in a place where she is ready to search out any new information or question her doctor.

    I don't know if this is what Christy was talking about, but this is a pretty terrible anti-homebirth article, which calls it "selfish": http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...=feeds-newsxml

    This is the blog I found it on, with the blogger's response: http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2010/08...what-next.html

    And this is a blog post I wrote a while ago about inappropriate use of the word "selfish": http://birthunplugged.blogspot.com/2...ommy-wars.html
    -Brittany
    Doula, Childbirth Educator, and Mom to three adorable troublemakers
    Two time joyful Hypnobabies natural birthing mom
    My blog: Birth Unplugged

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    Posting Addict jooniper's Avatar
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    That is a hard situation, but you did what you could. Unfortunately, you have pretty much all of society working against you when it comes to getting women informed or even interested.
    -Jenn -
    my family blog--my pics--
    Married to Kenny Aug '06


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