I need to decide...

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tanismom's picture
Last seen: 2 years 11 months ago
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717
I need to decide...

I'm about 16 wks along and I think it's time to start finding a care provider don't you?

I'm procrastinating... I know it's because I'm afraid to make a decision and I'm feeling very anxious about doing the research and making the calls - I'm not going to lie to myself, part of it is knowing that at least some of the conversations and the research is going to be in Hebrew and although I'm pretty fluent, it's just not my mother tongue.

I told myself I would think about it over passover and then start really looking into it, but passover has passed over and I'm not feeling any clearer about any of it.

I reread all the birth stories in Spiritual Midwifery and now that I got Ina May's Guide to Childbirth back from my sister, I've started into those again too. I want to immerse myself in a
positive birthing environment, and I want to find the strength to start looking for a care provider.

I spoke to and met with a HB MW who lives in Tzfat - that's about 30 minutes from here and it's where the hospital is. I like her, I felt a good connection with her and she is practically the polar opposite of the mw from last time. She is unlicensed here, but works w/ a CNM that lives more than an hour away from me. The CNM mentioned that she's concerned that I live 30 min from the hospital, and she's not sure she feels comfortable attending the birth. That was what the MW told me the last time we spoke about a month ago. We talked about some other options if i did want to work with her but the CNM wasn't into it... there is a man here in the area who is a Dr and he is a huge HB advocate and attends HB's in this area a lot. I've heard very good things about him from women who have birthed with him. I'm not sure I want a man to attend my home birth, though. kwim? Chava, the MW in tzfat, said that one option might be to hire him for the birth and have her more in capacity of doula/monitrice and the he would just sort of show up for the actual birth and then really more as back up then to actually catch. she had a good relationship with him and said that if I thought I wanted that, she can arrange it.

Part of me wants to interview other midwives - and part of me doesn't. Chava is also from the US, she's been here something like 15 yrs. There are a couple other MW's in the area, but most of them only speak Hebrew or speak some English, and the thought of even just making the phone calls is paralyzing me... also, the only info on hb in my area that I could find is only in Hebrew. It's just that I always feel like I'm missing something important...

I really want to feel cared for this time - from the beginning, I want to start feeling secure about this pregnancy and this birth now. I want to call Ina May and ask her to come attend my birth!!! Or my wonderful, amazing MW from DD's birth - but neither of those is likely to happen...

(My DH just came in, looked over my shoulder for a minute and asked if I wanted to watch "Birth into Being" or "BOBB" or just search on youtube - I love him!!)

I'm really just venting, I know what I need to do... I know I should speak to at least one other MW and also speak to this dr guy... I know I will be able to communicate in Hebrew and be understood, and I know I'm most likely going to end up working with Chava... but i want to already be on the other side of this decision, sitting at a mw appt, listening to my baby's hb through a fetoscope and feeling well-cared for.

I guess I'm just needing some support right now and any advice or ideas of how to make this easier...

renee24's picture
Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
Joined: 08/06/06
Posts: 1096

I have no idea to help you in this thought process, but I dont' blame you for your delay in a decision considering your last birth there. Hope you can make a decision soon that you're comfy with and get a great experience!

MrsMangoBabe's picture
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276

It makes sense to me that you would feel the way you do. I hope you are able to work out something that will work for you. Good luck interviewing providers. I can imagine that the language barrier makes it really difficult.

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

I am sorry you are struggling so much with a care provider. I really hope that you are able to find the right path for you and baby. Hugs!

tanismom's picture
Last seen: 2 years 11 months ago
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

thanks. an old friend randomly chatted me on fb today (it was the middle of the night for her!) she's the reason I know what a doula is, she started attending births when we were in high school! I called her and we spoke for 2 hours, it really helped me clear out my head and get down to the real fears... I am considering actually writing to Olivia and asking if there is a chance she would come and be with me for the birth, but I'm not very hopeful about that b/c she's pretty busy... but you never know.
I am obsessively looking for inspiring birth stories and videos! I know I will be rereading the birth stories thread here, and if anyone has anything good that's not on here, please please send it my way!

melloyellochelle's picture
Last seen: 4 years 8 months ago
Joined: 12/04/08
Posts: 229

:bighug: Aylet, it's totally understandable that you'd have those fears and struggles to overcome. You've had some hard issues to overcome from the last birth. It sounds like the gal in the US was helpful in sorting through those things with you. Which is probably the biggest battle in coming to a decision now. I think you should ask anyone you feel comfortable with being there. Ya never know what might happen. Smile I hope you find lots of peace as you move forward wtih your decisions. KUP!

mommys's picture
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 05/08/06
Posts: 6264

I'm so hopeful for you considering it seems you already have at least one good option this time. Chava sounds nice and I hope that you get through the decision process quickly.

shiregirl's picture
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
Joined: 09/23/10
Posts: 390

Cheva does sound nice. I am praying for you for clear guidance in your decision making. Smile Also, I hope your friend can come out, that would be truly special!

Here's a link to my DDs birth story (posted on another site), if you want to read. I had a lovely homebirth, IMO. Smile

http://community.parentingweekly.com/pregnancy/forums/t/1873903.aspx (takes awhile to load, extremely slow site, one of the reasons I left there and came here! Lol

gardenbug's picture
Last seen: 2 years 1 week ago
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

It sounds like you have some good choices to consider. I'm glad you began talking things out with your friend. You will feel so much better once you have made your decision.
Just a reminder, you understand both meaning and nuances in a language better than you speak it in most cases.

tanismom's picture
Last seen: 2 years 11 months ago
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

"melloyellochelle" wrote:

I think you should ask anyone you feel comfortable with being there. Ya never know what might happen. Smile I hope you find lots of peace as you move forward wtih your decisions. KUP!

You can't have known how appropriate that advice may be... I did speak to Chava, and she told me that she really wants to support me but that I need to know that she is going through something personal and she doesn't know what her future will be... so now I have an offer from her for pre-natal care without guarantee that she can attend my birth. She did mention that she has a friend and colleague who may be a good alternative, or possibly to provide joint care, and then today I was talking with a friend about this and she gave me a recommendation for that same woman (Chava's friend) so that was encouraging.

Chava said she was hoping to know more about her situation later this week, so I'm praying to get good news.

Thank you all for your encouragement and thoughts!

Last seen: 2 months 1 week ago
Joined: 01/19/06
Posts: 550

:bigarmhug: I hope you find the perfect caregiver for you and that you have a wonderful birth experience this time around.

I can't believe you're already 16 weeks along ! I'm glad everything is going well. Biggrin