I'm about 16 wks along and I think it's time to start finding a care provider don't you?
I'm procrastinating... I know it's because I'm afraid to make a decision and I'm feeling very anxious about doing the research and making the calls - I'm not going to lie to myself, part of it is knowing that at least some of the conversations and the research is going to be in Hebrew and although I'm pretty fluent, it's just not my mother tongue.
I told myself I would think about it over passover and then start really looking into it, but passover has passed over and I'm not feeling any clearer about any of it.
I reread all the birth stories in Spiritual Midwifery and now that I got Ina May's Guide to Childbirth back from my sister, I've started into those again too. I want to immerse myself in a
positive birthing environment, and I want to find the strength to start looking for a care provider.
I spoke to and met with a HB MW who lives in Tzfat - that's about 30 minutes from here and it's where the hospital is. I like her, I felt a good connection with her and she is practically the polar opposite of the mw from last time. She is unlicensed here, but works w/ a CNM that lives more than an hour away from me. The CNM mentioned that she's concerned that I live 30 min from the hospital, and she's not sure she feels comfortable attending the birth. That was what the MW told me the last time we spoke about a month ago. We talked about some other options if i did want to work with her but the CNM wasn't into it... there is a man here in the area who is a Dr and he is a huge HB advocate and attends HB's in this area a lot. I've heard very good things about him from women who have birthed with him. I'm not sure I want a man to attend my home birth, though. kwim? Chava, the MW in tzfat, said that one option might be to hire him for the birth and have her more in capacity of doula/monitrice and the he would just sort of show up for the actual birth and then really more as back up then to actually catch. she had a good relationship with him and said that if I thought I wanted that, she can arrange it.
Part of me wants to interview other midwives - and part of me doesn't. Chava is also from the US, she's been here something like 15 yrs. There are a couple other MW's in the area, but most of them only speak Hebrew or speak some English, and the thought of even just making the phone calls is paralyzing me... also, the only info on hb in my area that I could find is only in Hebrew. It's just that I always feel like I'm missing something important...
I really want to feel cared for this time - from the beginning, I want to start feeling secure about this pregnancy and this birth now. I want to call Ina May and ask her to come attend my birth!!! Or my wonderful, amazing MW from DD's birth - but neither of those is likely to happen...
(My DH just came in, looked over my shoulder for a minute and asked if I wanted to watch "Birth into Being" or "BOBB" or just search on youtube - I love him!!)
I'm really just venting, I know what I need to do... I know I should speak to at least one other MW and also speak to this dr guy... I know I will be able to communicate in Hebrew and be understood, and I know I'm most likely going to end up working with Chava... but i want to already be on the other side of this decision, sitting at a mw appt, listening to my baby's hb through a fetoscope and feeling well-cared for.
I guess I'm just needing some support right now and any advice or ideas of how to make this easier...