I am not familiar with your birth experience with Yitchak. I had a terrible experience with my first birth as well. I think no matter how well you think you have "processed" the trauma, it is always there under the surface. I think you just need to adopt a positive attitude. Do not try to deny what happened in the past, but keep reminding yourself that you have more experience now and that you know things now that you did not know back then. I made some poor decisions with my first birth that I would not have made if I knew then what I know now. But that experience has been a guide for me and has made me stronger and wiser. I can tel that you are a very strong woman and that you know what you want. I am sure that this will turn out to be a positive birth experience for you. Even if it doesn't work out as planned (which happens sometimes), you can confidently say that you did your best and you made the best decisions when it mattered the most.
Thanks e/o. I did officially hire Rosie. I know she's going to be a great midwife. We're moving either this Thurs or Friday, which is so stressful and exciting and insane! I have been running around like a lunatic, and I know part of my apprehension is just not wanting to let go of everything I've built here over the past 4 years.
I went to the local pool today and 3 of my friends ended up coming while we were there. So the 4 of us just sat in the kiddie pool watching our little ones (of the under 5 crew we had a total of 7 between us!) an just enjoying feeling cold when it was actually 39 degrees C!! and I realized I'm leaving all these people. I'm partially responsible for them either coming to our town or at least getting settled, and now I'm leaving. We became the ipso facto welcome/absorption committee for all the English speakers that have come here, b/c we were the first. And it's been such a special role to be in. And we've become so intimately involved with over 15 families that have come to live in our town in the past 4 years. Immigrating to a new country is not easy, especially when the language is different and the culture so drastically different from where you spent most of your life.
It's an experience that we share and it is really binding.
I know we're not moving far away, it's only a half hour drive, but we can't pick up each other's kids from school, or go grocery shopping together or bump into each other everywhere like we do now... it's hard. I think that's what's really effecting me.
I asked 2 of my friends from here to attend my birth, one is a doula and I was with her for her daughter's birth last year, and the other was my photographer for Asa'el's birth. (If you haven't seen the montage she made me, you should! She's amazing!! Asa'el's Birth Montage - YouTube)
But it could get complicated for them, b/c they both have small kids and depending on when I go into labor, it might not be realistic for them to come.
I know everything's going to work out. Everyone I've met in our new village has been wonderful and sweet and amazing! The guy who's painting the house, and the woman who sells fruit from her orchard, and DS1's friend's mom who is letting my parents stay in her rental apt for free for a week, and the family that raises sheep, and the healer, and the artists, and olive grower, and and and I could go on and on ... it's really so cool there. It's just a change, and change is hard, especially when you want to be nesting and gathering and not packing and moving and starting over!
Thanks for letting me vent and process... :-)
That is a lot! Moving is one of the most stressful experiences you can go through, in terms of normal life events, even when it's positive change. Change is hard, and you're handling a lot at once! It sounds like you're doing a great job processing your feelings and emotions, though...just get through this crazy part, and I think it sounds like you'll feel much better once the deed is done. Very glad the midwife is not a question any longer! Every box checked must feel great :)