I think I've found a MW!

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tanismom's picture
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I think I've found a MW!

I haven't really posted my whole OT moving and finding a house saga that's been going on since April... but the short version is that our landlady told us she's not interested in renewing our lease which is up on July 3rd, so we started thinking about our options. DS1 and DD starting next year are going to school in a different town (town... haha! there are like 50 families... so maybe I'll use the word village...) anyway, there are only a handful of kids from our town who go there, they have to take 2 buses starting at 7am and getting to school at 8:30. We chose the school because we agree with the philosophy, but most families in our town would rather do the easy thing and stay local. So we started looking into the other villages in the area where kids from the school live... For almost 2 months we were pretty sure we had a place on one of them - the one closest to where we live now... until we were told abruptly and for no reason that we were not going to be able to rent there...

So about a month ago we finally signed a lease on a cute little house in a lovely village one over from where the school is! So now that we have a "home" I have finally started thinking about my home birth!

I met with a MW last week who lives 10 minutes from our new house, she has been a MW here since 1970! She seems really cool and she believes in women's bodies. And my friend and new neighbor just birthed with her last year and had a great experience.

So why am I hesitating? Because everything is changing! And I'm nervous. I'm just nervous that I can't predict anything about how this birth is going to go, how this move is going to be, what my new community is going to be like.... I know a few people there, only 3 speak any English! In the past 5 years we moved from NY/NJ (massive!) to a "city" in the middle of nowhere with a population of 7500, and now we're moving to a tiny village with a total of 80 families! I'm excited, but I'm also nervous.

And every birth of mine has been in a different place with different attendants! I thought that my MW team from my last birth would be it for my future births, but one MW stopped doing HB, and the other decided to sell her car and only take local births... soooo I don't know... I just want some continuity! I guess that's why I haven't called her back yet. But I know that I can't have that, so I need to just call her back and tell her that we want to hire her!

I guess this was more of a vent than anything else, but I'd be happy for any support or ideas. Thanks!!

tink9702's picture
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Hang in there Ayelet!!! With all that you have been through and all the changes I can really understand why you are so nervous! But it sounds like this new village will be a great experience and the "new" midwife will be perfect! You can do this (again!) Smile

tink9702's picture
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ugh double post!!!

tanismom's picture
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Thanks Mel! I also spoke to my MW from my last birth, and she also helped me feel that it will be ok. I guess there are just some parallels to the circumstances surrounding Yitzchak's birth that are making me feel uncomfortable, which is odd b/c I really thought I'd processed that, but apparently there is still some trauma that I'm holding on to...

tink9702's picture
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You had such a bad time with Yitzchak it makes sense that you are feeling some anxiety from it still. Sad I hope you are able to process it all and feel better about this upcoming birth.

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When I was about 30 weeks with Tiven, my DH decided to switch rooms around in our apartment, front room into living room, and the middle room into "bedroom." His reasoning made perfect sense -- the middle room is darker, quieter, and warmer -- and while I agreed with it, I was actually shaking with anxiety for a day or two after we did it. Change is not something we want to do in pregnancy. We want things to be settled, that's normal & natural, because we can't predict or control how birth will go so we want everything else predictable and under control. Give yourself room to process those emotions but don't let them limit your options. It really sounds like this is going to be a good move in every way.

And this time is very different than with Yitzchak. That time, you had a bad midwife who didn't trust your body and didn't support you making good decisions, indeed pushed you to make very poor decisions. This time, you'll have a great midwife that you know has a lot of great experience and supports women in making good decisions. HUGE difference. Take comfort in that. Wishing you tons of peace in your decisions, and a smooth & easy move.

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This is a new birth experience and it sounds like you will be in great care with this MW. Not only knowing that she has so many years of experience but also confirmation from 2 neighbors.

raingirl28's picture
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Yay for finding a midwife (and a new place to live!)

cactuswren's picture
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Wow...don't feel bad for needing to process everything--that's a lot of change at once! Glad you found a great midwife, though. That's a huge piece of the puzzle taken care of.

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That is definitely a lot to process; lots of big change. But it sounds like you've found a wonderful option for a m/w. Definitely has the experience and you have personal recommendations too. I'm sorry you are finding yourself hesitant though and I hope you can find the peace with the while situation that you need before this baby makes his/her arrival. Smile

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I am not familiar with your birth experience with Yitchak. I had a terrible experience with my first birth as well. I think no matter how well you think you have "processed" the trauma, it is always there under the surface. I think you just need to adopt a positive attitude. Do not try to deny what happened in the past, but keep reminding yourself that you have more experience now and that you know things now that you did not know back then. I made some poor decisions with my first birth that I would not have made if I knew then what I know now. But that experience has been a guide for me and has made me stronger and wiser. I can tel that you are a very strong woman and that you know what you want. I am sure that this will turn out to be a positive birth experience for you. Even if it doesn't work out as planned (which happens sometimes), you can confidently say that you did your best and you made the best decisions when it mattered the most.

tanismom's picture
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Thanks e/o. I did officially hire Rosie. I know she's going to be a great midwife. We're moving either this Thurs or Friday, which is so stressful and exciting and insane! I have been running around like a lunatic, and I know part of my apprehension is just not wanting to let go of everything I've built here over the past 4 years.
I went to the local pool today and 3 of my friends ended up coming while we were there. So the 4 of us just sat in the kiddie pool watching our little ones (of the under 5 crew we had a total of 7 between us!) an just enjoying feeling cold when it was actually 39 degrees C!! and I realized I'm leaving all these people. I'm partially responsible for them either coming to our town or at least getting settled, and now I'm leaving. We became the ipso facto welcome/absorption committee for all the English speakers that have come here, b/c we were the first. And it's been such a special role to be in. And we've become so intimately involved with over 15 families that have come to live in our town in the past 4 years. Immigrating to a new country is not easy, especially when the language is different and the culture so drastically different from where you spent most of your life.
It's an experience that we share and it is really binding.
I know we're not moving far away, it's only a half hour drive, but we can't pick up each other's kids from school, or go grocery shopping together or bump into each other everywhere like we do now... it's hard. I think that's what's really effecting me.
I asked 2 of my friends from here to attend my birth, one is a doula and I was with her for her daughter's birth last year, and the other was my photographer for Asa'el's birth. (If you haven't seen the montage she made me, you should! She's amazing!! Asa'el's Birth Montage - YouTube)
But it could get complicated for them, b/c they both have small kids and depending on when I go into labor, it might not be realistic for them to come.

I know everything's going to work out. Everyone I've met in our new village has been wonderful and sweet and amazing! The guy who's painting the house, and the woman who sells fruit from her orchard, and DS1's friend's mom who is letting my parents stay in her rental apt for free for a week, and the family that raises sheep, and the healer, and the artists, and olive grower, and and and I could go on and on ... it's really so cool there. It's just a change, and change is hard, especially when you want to be nesting and gathering and not packing and moving and starting over!

Thanks for letting me vent and process... Smile

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That is a lot! Moving is one of the most stressful experiences you can go through, in terms of normal life events, even when it's positive change. Change is hard, and you're handling a lot at once! It sounds like you're doing a great job processing your feelings and emotions, though...just get through this crazy part, and I think it sounds like you'll feel much better once the deed is done. Very glad the midwife is not a question any longer! Every box checked must feel great Smile