I'm bugged.

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Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776
I'm bugged.

And thought this would be the best place to share my frustration. I made an appointment with a local CNM due to a few concerns I have for this pregnancy, and because I've been bouncing between homebirth vs hospital birth. I know of several people who are either currently seeing her, have seen her or know her very well. She IS very nice & I enjoyed my visit with her but walked away feeling a bit bugged by some of the things that went on. It may just be me, so I thought I would share them with you guys to get some opinons.

First, she knows I'm not sure if I want to deliver at home or hospital, she supports either decision. I shared with her that I birth fast & I birth quietly & because of this I worry that when I get to the hospital I wont be taken seriously. Her advice behave as if I'm having a baby right then & that I'm in more pain than I actually am. I don't like that. I don't want to lie to be taken seriously & I don't want to act as if I'm in pain when my goal is to NOT be in pain. I explained this to her. She said that that's just how L&D nurses are & to just fake it for awhile.

I then said I did not want an IV, I have never needed one & I find them obnoxious & frustrating when I'm trying to hold my new baby. She said that she'd compromise with me and I could use a heplock. That's not compromising in my book lol I don't want one. She then said because I have had more than 5 babies I have a higher chance of hemorraghing. Whatever. I don't agree. I then later on shared with her that my last placenta took about 45 minutes to come out & I need someone who will be patient with me. She then went back to the IV and said that due to me having more than 5 babies, and that my placenta's come out late I have a very high chance of retaining placenta and hemorraghing & she would just help things out with pitocin. At this point I was totally bugged.

I've never hemorraghed, I do think with my last baby I retained a bit of placenta but it came out just fine. I know the signs of it not coming out fine & would get looked at if that were the case. I think it's obnoxious to just use pit on me instead of allowing my body to do what it needs & IF I need some assistance then we can look at nursing and THEN pit if needs be.

I understand that a hemorraghe can happen fast, she also said if it does your veins go flat so getting and IV in would be difficult. But I think she's being too cautious - especially if she thinks I'm fine to birth at home too. It just seems so contradictory.

Am I being silly here?

I did get to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time today though & that was sweet. I love that sound.

mandora's picture
Joined: 07/16/07
Posts: 262

I agree - that's contradictory to say that in a hospital you NEED an IV, but at home, no problemo. ?? That makes no sense. I'd say that to her. Tell her you'll sign a waiver or something - it's your freakin' arm and your body... Sheesh. Also, my m/w does a buttocks/thigh injection of pit if I haemmorhage at home.... is this an option for yours? I didn't need it at home, but in hospital I did, and it wasn't a difficult proceedure.

As for the 'fake it' advice, just ignore her. So what if no one takes you seriously - you know you're having a baby... it's not your first time. I'd bring that up if anyone wanted to tell you that you didn't know what's what. If you get some upstart nurse in L&D telling you 'you can't be in labour because you're too calm', I'd just say 'listen, this is baby #6 (6, right?), I've btdt... I know I'm in labour, and I'll do this with or without you, now get a move on.' That's basically what I said with DD (except it was my first babe, so I had no cred) Wink I told them that I could push the baby out on my own, or they could take me seriously...which would they prefer?

I guess overall, do you feel like she's going to help you have the birth you want, or are you going to have to fight her on everything? If it's just the IV issue that you've got to contend with, really, how difficult will it be for you to just say 'not happening', and move forward? If you can't or don't want to, then I guess find a new m/w?

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

I agree it is very contradictory. I personally have never heard that you are at more risk of hemmorage because of the number of children. That seems weird to me. It sounds to me like you have some red flag going off in your head about her. Are there any other midwifes you could interview?

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

There are other midwives, but honestly after sleeping on it I'm just going to have the baby at home. The whole thing is more stress than I want to deal with. It frustrates me that even with midwives we have to fight against pointless procedures & scare tactics.

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

I am sorry Chimmy! She is a CNM right? Well I have seen some scary things from the CNM's here so I wonder sometimes.

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

Yep she is & a reputable one too. I dunno, maybe I'm just getting onry in my old age Lol

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

Lol LOL

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

Really though, I think the appointment was good because it made me realize how much I really DON'T want a hospital birth. I'm reminded of how much crap I have to fight in order to get what I want. They office was very nice when I called to cancel, I liked that I could tell them "ya know I think I'm just going to have this baby at home." I let them know I did like the midwife and they wished me luck & hoped I had a really good birth. I loved that.

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

That is great news. See you were able to decide and it all worked out. Smile

Baby4Soon's picture
Joined: 03/30/09
Posts: 19

**lurker**

She may have said you only need the IV at the hospital and not at home, because it may be the hospital policy. I have always been told that I don't have a choice about the IV, it's mandatory. Lucky for me, my last son came WAY too fast for them to even think about the IV.

As far as the pitocin, that totally annoys me too. I personally think that medical personnal are way too impatient, and want to just get things done faster. With my last one, I caught the nurse headed toward my leg with a needle. I said ummm what are you about to do. She said, "It's only pitocin, it will just help your uterus contract." It was moments after the baby was born. They didn't even try to allow my body to do it's thing. I stopped her and told her no thanks. I told her that she needed to wait until it was absolutely necessary, or I didn't want it. I ended up being fine, and didn't need it.

As far as her comment about faking it, she is probably just saying to do that because your fears about not being taken seriously probably have some merit to them. I think I am also pretty quiet until the very end. When I was rushed into the ER with my last, they made my hubby wheelchair me to labor and delivery, they tried to make me answer questions, and then a nurse told me I should walk to a room so that things would go faster. I was dialated to a 7 at this point, and in severe pain. I would just consider what means more to you. For me, I like knowing that if anything went wrong, I am already at the hospital. I make the decision to be willing to put up with ignorance lol.

Good luck with your decision!

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

"Mom2ThreeKiddos" wrote:

That is great news. See you were able to decide and it all worked out. Smile

How are things going with YOU my dear? I know it hasn't been easy on you & here I am complaining :oops:

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

"Baby4Soon" wrote:

**lurker**

She may have said you only need the IV at the hospital and not at home, because it may be the hospital policy. I have always been told that I don't have a choice about the IV, it's mandatory. Lucky for me, my last son came WAY too fast for them to even think about the IV.

As far as the pitocin, that totally annoys me too. I personally think that medical personnal are way too impatient, and want to just get things done faster. With my last one, I caught the nurse headed toward my leg with a needle. I said ummm what are you about to do. She said, "It's only pitocin, it will just help your uterus contract." It was moments after the baby was born. They didn't even try to allow my body to do it's thing. I stopped her and told her no thanks. I told her that she needed to wait until it was absolutely necessary, or I didn't want it. I ended up being fine, and didn't need it. The last birth I attended (I'm a birth doula) it's standard not to hook a mom up to an IV or a monitor unless she asks for it. It was awesome & the closest thing I've seen to a homebirth hospital birth. Really makes me wish I lived closer to that hospital lol

As far as her comment about faking it, she is probably just saying to do that because your fears about not being taken seriously probably have some merit to them. I think I am also pretty quiet until the very end. When I was rushed into the ER with my last, they made my hubby wheelchair me to labor and delivery, they tried to make me answer questions, and then a nurse told me I should walk to a room so that things would go faster. I was dialated to a 7 at this point, and in severe pain. I would just consider what means more to you. For me, I like knowing that if anything went wrong, I am already at the hospital. I make the decision to be willing to put up with ignorance lol.

Good luck with your decision!

Nothing is mandatory, really. I mean if you can come in & labor fast & not get an IV (which is what happened with my 5th baby as wel) then I don't see what the difference is really if a mother refuses one. I just think it's easier to follow "hospital policy" sometimes & so they do. She made it sound like she wanted me to have one, her reply was "well play in my court for a minute & lets talk ~ how about we compromise and you can get a heplock". I've been to births where women have refused an IV so I know it's possible. At least in my area.

The pit I totally agree - it's obnoxious how much it's used without true need.

The faking it bugged me most I think b/c I use Hypnobabies & I simply wont do it. I'm not going to pretend I'm in a ton of pain when I'm not in a ton of pain b/c that'll PUT me in a ton of pain lol I don't feel like it's a lot to ask for them to trust me. This is my 7th baby & I know how I birth. I wish she would of spoken to me more about that & tried to work with me, instead of telling me over & over to just fake it.
*shrugs*

I think I was more in your line of thinking before I had my homebirth, but now that I have that to compare it to I'm a bit spoiled WinkLol

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

"Chimmy" wrote:

How are things going with YOU my dear? I know it hasn't been easy on you & here I am complaining :oops:

Right now I am so focued on getting my hypnosis training done by the 18th of February for my Hypnosbabies instructor training. I should be able to turn it in tonight. Then I want to start focusing on the actual hypnobabies home study that yes I borrowed from a friend because I just sent hypnobabies like over a $1000 and I have no more money to give them. LOL I am not going to consent to a c-section unless absolutely necessary. I know that for sure. I didn't say anything to my doc yesterday because I dodn't want to fight yet. I am only 28w and not even close to delivery yet. I did call a new doc over in Peoria in hopes they would take me. I haven't heard back yet as the nurse and I seem to be playing phone tag. My glucose numbers were good, just being on diet alone. He isn't putting me on any medication yet so that is good. My blood pressure has been really good too. One of the cd's I had to listen to for the hypnosis course for hypnobabies was a stress management cd and I sooo need that right now. I am pretty much now that I am going to have to fight for what I want. I was hoping to avoid that at all costs, since I become a wimp with doctors. Luckily I have a wonderful doula and I hope my dh will be helpful in sticking up for me. I have been feeling pretty good though.

Thank you for asking, you are too sweet. And don't worry about complaining seriously that is why we are all here.

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

I'm so excited for you!! I can't say enough good things about Hypnobabies & am looking forward to going through the training as well. hTat's wonderful that your glucose numbers are good on diet alone :thumbsup:

Am sorry your having to fight for things that should be a right not a privledge, as they so seem to think it is. Your a strong mama! Having a good doula & husband by your side will help for sure. Very glad your feeling so well & hope that keeps up for you, you deserve it.

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

I'm glad the appointment helped you decide for sure!
I had a nurse comment on how 'quiet' I was when I was laboring with DS, she said if she didn't have the monitors she'd hardly believe I was in labor...I'm sure she was singing a different tune come transition Lol but I would have just reccomended you have your DH tell them when you arrived that you labor quietly and deliver fast.
The IV, I'd simply refuse if I really didn't want it. I've had an IV with all 3 so far and it really doesn't bother me, but if it did it'd be something I wouldn't be afraid to refuse with your history.
Speaking of pitocin after the birth with a mom whose BTDT, wouldn't that just make the afterpains worse? Natural labor (with pitocin!) seemed like a breeze compared to the afterpains with #3 for me, I was seriously tempted to ask for something stronger than Ibprofen to help with the pain. I wouldn't want to do something that could make that worse.

Amber_daisy's picture
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 567

I'd be bugged too. Totally fight the IV/heplok. I ended up with one after DS's birth and even then it was a huge PITA. I kept knocking it on things and it made caring for a newborn more difficult that it should be.

Oh, and grandmultiparity has been associated with PPH, but apparently recent research has shown that it's not actually an independent risk factor. Wink I'm declining the pit injection again regardless of place of birth. My midwife carries it and can give it if needed. Also, my back up doc also gave my a cytotec script to have on hand. Apparently 3 cytotec PR is as effective as IV pit for stopping PPH.

Personally, I think that as long as you don't have risk factors, then expectant management of the 3rd stage is adequate, and should probably be the standard of care. I think a lot of the problems we see with PPH are a result of highly medicalized births...especially rates of induction/augmentation and instrumental delivery.

MrsMangoBabe's picture
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276

"mandora" wrote:

I'd just say 'listen, this is baby #6 (6, right?)

this is Chimmy's 6th birth, but 7th baby...she had twins Smile

"Chimmy" wrote:

Really though, I think the appointment was good because it made me realize how much I really DON'T want a hospital birth. I'm reminded of how much crap I have to fight in order to get what I want. They office was very nice when I called to cancel, I liked that I could tell them "ya know I think I'm just going to have this baby at home." I let them know I did like the midwife and they wished me luck & hoped I had a really good birth. I loved that.

I'm glad you have figured out what you want and I'm glad the office was so nice about it.