And thought this would be the best place to share my frustration. I made an appointment with a local CNM due to a few concerns I have for this pregnancy, and because I've been bouncing between homebirth vs hospital birth. I know of several people who are either currently seeing her, have seen her or know her very well. She IS very nice & I enjoyed my visit with her but walked away feeling a bit bugged by some of the things that went on. It may just be me, so I thought I would share them with you guys to get some opinons.
First, she knows I'm not sure if I want to deliver at home or hospital, she supports either decision. I shared with her that I birth fast & I birth quietly & because of this I worry that when I get to the hospital I wont be taken seriously. Her advice behave as if I'm having a baby right then & that I'm in more pain than I actually am. I don't like that. I don't want to lie to be taken seriously & I don't want to act as if I'm in pain when my goal is to NOT be in pain. I explained this to her. She said that that's just how L&D nurses are & to just fake it for awhile.
I then said I did not want an IV, I have never needed one & I find them obnoxious & frustrating when I'm trying to hold my new baby. She said that she'd compromise with me and I could use a heplock. That's not compromising in my book lol I don't want one. She then said because I have had more than 5 babies I have a higher chance of hemorraghing. Whatever. I don't agree. I then later on shared with her that my last placenta took about 45 minutes to come out & I need someone who will be patient with me. She then went back to the IV and said that due to me having more than 5 babies, and that my placenta's come out late I have a very high chance of retaining placenta and hemorraghing & she would just help things out with pitocin. At this point I was totally bugged.
I've never hemorraghed, I do think with my last baby I retained a bit of placenta but it came out just fine. I know the signs of it not coming out fine & would get looked at if that were the case. I think it's obnoxious to just use pit on me instead of allowing my body to do what it needs & IF I need some assistance then we can look at nursing and THEN pit if needs be.
I understand that a hemorraghe can happen fast, she also said if it does your veins go flat so getting and IV in would be difficult. But I think she's being too cautious - especially if she thinks I'm fine to birth at home too. It just seems so contradictory.
Am I being silly here?
I did get to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time today though & that was sweet. I love that sound.
I agree - that's contradictory to say that in a hospital you NEED an IV, but at home, no problemo. ?? That makes no sense. I'd say that to her. Tell her you'll sign a waiver or something - it's your freakin' arm and your body... Sheesh. Also, my m/w does a buttocks/thigh injection of pit if I haemmorhage at home.... is this an option for yours? I didn't need it at home, but in hospital I did, and it wasn't a difficult proceedure.
As for the 'fake it' advice, just ignore her. So what if no one takes you seriously - you know you're having a baby... it's not your first time. I'd bring that up if anyone wanted to tell you that you didn't know what's what. If you get some upstart nurse in L&D telling you 'you can't be in labour because you're too calm', I'd just say 'listen, this is baby #6 (6, right?), I've btdt... I know I'm in labour, and I'll do this with or without you, now get a move on.' That's basically what I said with DD (except it was my first babe, so I had no cred) I told them that I could push the baby out on my own, or they could take me seriously...which would they prefer?
I guess overall, do you feel like she's going to help you have the birth you want, or are you going to have to fight her on everything? If it's just the IV issue that you've got to contend with, really, how difficult will it be for you to just say 'not happening', and move forward? If you can't or don't want to, then I guess find a new m/w?
Married to Mark 05.25.07
DD Stella Gabrielle - 12.31.07
DS Sebastien David - 01.06.09
DD Selene 'Lilu' Katherine Alice 03.16.11
Homebirthing, breastfeeding, attachment parenting momma
I agree it is very contradictory. I personally have never heard that you are at more risk of hemmorage because of the number of children. That seems weird to me. It sounds to me like you have some red flag going off in your head about her. Are there any other midwifes you could interview?
There are other midwives, but honestly after sleeping on it I'm just going to have the baby at home. The whole thing is more stress than I want to deal with. It frustrates me that even with midwives we have to fight against pointless procedures & scare tactics.
I am sorry Chimmy! She is a CNM right? Well I have seen some scary things from the CNM's here so I wonder sometimes.
Yep she is & a reputable one too. I dunno, maybe I'm just getting onry in my old age
Really though, I think the appointment was good because it made me realize how much I really DON'T want a hospital birth. I'm reminded of how much crap I have to fight in order to get what I want. They office was very nice when I called to cancel, I liked that I could tell them "ya know I think I'm just going to have this baby at home." I let them know I did like the midwife and they wished me luck & hoped I had a really good birth. I loved that.
Last edited by Chimmy; 02-10-2011 at 03:09 PM.
That is great news. See you were able to decide and it all worked out.
She may have said you only need the IV at the hospital and not at home, because it may be the hospital policy. I have always been told that I don't have a choice about the IV, it's mandatory. Lucky for me, my last son came WAY too fast for them to even think about the IV.
As far as the pitocin, that totally annoys me too. I personally think that medical personnal are way too impatient, and want to just get things done faster. With my last one, I caught the nurse headed toward my leg with a needle. I said ummm what are you about to do. She said, "It's only pitocin, it will just help your uterus contract." It was moments after the baby was born. They didn't even try to allow my body to do it's thing. I stopped her and told her no thanks. I told her that she needed to wait until it was absolutely necessary, or I didn't want it. I ended up being fine, and didn't need it.
As far as her comment about faking it, she is probably just saying to do that because your fears about not being taken seriously probably have some merit to them. I think I am also pretty quiet until the very end. When I was rushed into the ER with my last, they made my hubby wheelchair me to labor and delivery, they tried to make me answer questions, and then a nurse told me I should walk to a room so that things would go faster. I was dialated to a 7 at this point, and in severe pain. I would just consider what means more to you. For me, I like knowing that if anything went wrong, I am already at the hospital. I make the decision to be willing to put up with ignorance lol.
Good luck with your decision!
DS Cody 12, DD Nadia 9, DD Melia 7, DS Rocky 11/28/09