Need help convincing DH

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Need help convincing DH

Ok ladies, first off, let me tell you how much I appreciate this board! There is nobody IRL who gets excited about NCB, so it is fantastic reading birth stories etc. here. And you all seem so knowledgeable (which is where I am trying to get).

So here's my question: We are currently in Germany, where all hospital births (unless high-risk) are attended by midwives only. Also, the place I delivered DD at and will be going to again is relatively open to things that facilitate natural birthing. That being said, I hated being in the hospital after the birth last time - not enough rest, too crowded, too many check-ups etc. They DO however have the fabulous option of a "walk-in" birth - you give birth, are kept for 4 hrs and sent on your merry way (barring complications). I am so excited about this option, but unexpectedly DH is against it. His arguments are that a) he'd be worried the whole first day about me bleeding or something b) that the baby could just crash all of a sudden while at home c) that I'll be too weak to get up and make my way home

I've told him we'd be observed for hours to make sure everything's cool, that I got up only hours after DD's birth to walk around as well, but I am stomped as to any concrete arguments against his fears. Anybody have anything good?

And sorry for the novel Smile

ksmiles's picture
Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 5

I agree with you about this board - it is so nice to be able to talk with other moms who support NCB - most people I know IRL think I'm crazy!
I live in the United States and although we don't have the option of a "walk-in" birth at the hospital - that is basically what you get if you deliver here at a birth center. The birth center is exactly as it sounds- only for births - and if there are any complications then you are transferred to a hospital.
I had both of my children at a birth center staffed by midwives with an OB doctor on call. The usual routine is that you stay and labor at the center as long as you need to, but after the baby is born, they let you go home in 4-5 hours. After my first, I had a 3rd degree tear and the doctor had to come and stitch me up. Looking back, it would have been nice to stay longer and get some more rest. I think I aggravated the tear by being up and around on my feet so soon. With my daughter, I didn't tear at all, I felt great, and I loved being able to go home right away. Both times though, there was no excess bleeding, the babies were just fine, and I was able to walk out of the birth center to my car (no wheelchair) even after a 3rd degree tear.
Do you have to decide about the "walk-in" birth before the baby is born? If not, you can see how you feel after the delivery, and decide then.
I don't really have any statistics to quote to help your case with DH. That's just my story, hope it helps you!

kvo's picture
Joined: 12/18/06
Posts: 902

You should ask the hospital for their stats on how many women do the walk-ins and get any handouts ahead of time about when to come back in if there are problems. Often you will get a list of things to watch for and either call or go back to the hospital if any occur.

I personally liked being there and being waited on and having the icky bloody messes cleaned up by the staff, but I know many women do feel more comfortable at home. I would just keep reminding your DH that babies are born at home all the time and were for centuries. Yes, there were more instances of things going wrong in centuries past but that was b/c they didn't have hospitals. If something seems off, you can return or at least call the doctor.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

For both me and my DH, tons of information has been the best way to get past fears of "something going wrong"...something so vague and deep-seated is so hard to combat! But we've both come around from expecting basically a typical hospital birth but without drugs to actually agreeing that we probably want to do a homebirth next time if all goes well at our birth center with this first one...and believe me, starting out I NEVER thought DH would get there...I wasn't even sure I would. But tons and tons of information later, we're both fully on board the NCB train.

Long story short, I agree with Kristen. Ask for some stats and present him with concrete evidence of how safe and beneficial it can be!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Thanks for the support! I guess I really need to go talk to one of the midwives.... I just like to plan wayyyy ahead Wink

Panonim's picture
Joined: 11/11/05
Posts: 439

Sorry this is so brief, I'm rushing, but just wanted to say that you could mention to him that the sooner you get you and your baby out of that hospital, the less exposure you both have to all the sickie germs that are rampant in hospitals!

blueindigo79's picture
Joined: 04/02/07
Posts: 14

well i just saw the movie Orgasmic birth and it had a lot of great homebirth scenes so that might show him how lots of women have homebirths and aren't even in a hospital! there's also the Business of Being Born. can you take a tour or speak to couples who have recently given birth there? good luck and keep us posted!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4099

I think the important thing is that you'll be listening to your body. If you *need* to stay in the hospital, then stay. But if you don't need to be there, then get out & away from all the germs & the endless interruptions & the poking & prodding. Go home & snuggle in bed with your baby & get on with being a new family, instead of being a patient in the hospital. Both of my births ended up as a c-section, and with Weston I went home at about 38 hours. I felt fine! My pain was under control, breastfeeding was going well, baby was good, there was absolutely no reason to stay. I wanted to get home to my own bed & also get home to be with Tiven, too. With Tiven's birth, I was ready & willing to go home at about the same time frame, less than two days easily, but she was in the ICN so I reluctantly stayed. I'd have stayed my full allowed 96 hours if she was still there, but they let her out after 60 hours, which was Sunday morning. The hospital wanted us both to stay another night, but I talked my way out by about 70 hours, LOL!

One thing that made it easier for me to come home so early was that my midwives came to check on me regularly. Any concerns I had, they were able to address in additon to providing regular post-partum care. They checked my incision, they weighed baby & listened to his/her heart & lungs, watched us nursing to check for latch problems. There's only one birth center here, but I know it sends a midwife to check on mom & baby one day & three days after birth. Does your hospital provide anything like this? If not, maybe you could hire a post-partum doula who will make sure you get the nurturing you need, and help you with the transition to mothering two children. And even though doulas aren't medical professionals, most PP doulas are a good sounding board for "is this normal" kind of questions about what's happening with you and baby, and will recognize things that require medical care.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

"Panonim" wrote:

Sorry this is so brief, I'm rushing, but just wanted to say that you could mention to him that the sooner you get you and your baby out of that hospital, the less exposure you both have to all the sickie germs that are rampant in hospitals!

Ohhh, good one!

Spacers- see, that's the thing, my midwife would come and check on us every day for the first 10 days following birth. Which, come to think of it, I haven't reminded DH of. Ahhh, this is getting good!
And I agree, I wouldn't go home if I really felt bad, or if anything looked iffy with the baby of course. I just remember feeling great (though sore) after I had DD, and supposedly it gets easier with subsequent births. And she's one of the big reasons I want to get back home, I don't want her to think here's mommy snuggling up with the new baby for days while I'm left at home. Way to create jealousy, kwim?

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