Not really sure I belong....

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batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163
Not really sure I belong....

On the June birth board. As soon as controversial issues come up....it gets heated. (sigh) I'm always one of the minority when the heated discussions come up. I'm just wondering how worth it, it is to deal with it I don't feel like I can leave a topic alone if I have evidence that something is harmful ....I like the girls and I enjoy the board but I REALLY hate when lurkers come in (not talking about you pico83 Smile ) and start giving their .02....they don't back anything up with research...and just say they couldn't find anything against it.

Sorry ladies....I just felt the need to vent. It wouldn't be a big deal but I have 2 special needs kids and when people start coming in saying how they had x number of ultrasounds and used a doppler for personal use all the time while pregnant....and then state that their child is just fine....I guess I find it a little offensive because there is absolutely NO sensitivity towards the fact that nobody knows the cause of autism and you DO have to be careful how much you expose your infant to technology....ya know?

Am I the only one who stresses over this? I have a son with autism (no family history of it, we don't vaccinate, we eat organic, I breastfeed over a year....etc) and I have a daughter with developmental delays, speech delays and who was very much and still kinda is at 15 months...floppy. Maybe I shouldn't take it so personally but we've lived through a form of hell with the autism and I don't wish that on anyone! No form of personal pleasure (be it seeing my baby or hearing the heartbeat) is worth the risk of them possibly coming out with autism...

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Honestly I think that it is always rather awkward when someone from one (public) board comes to talk about that board on another (public) board.

My first pregnancy I was all into my birth board. By my second, I learned that I know all that I need to know, and that birth boards can simply be very frustrating places to those who have strong feelings on issues. By my third pregnancy I didn't even look at the board for my due date month while pregnant. I know how to be pregnant quite well by now, I don't need to obsess over symptoms or convince other people that my way or my thought process is the best one. There are many other sites where birth boards are way less mainstream, and if I needed advice or whatnot that was where I would go. THat just kept me from feeling as though I was alone in my thoughts or beating my head against a wall trying to change how other people felt. Personally I think that since there is no proven link between autism and dopplers or ultrasound, it is hard to expect other people to feel exactly like you do in regards to those issues. It would be different, perhaps, if you were advocating not beating ones child, and lurkers were popping in to tell you that beating children was great, (that would be scary and frustrating) but something like this that is based on your own thoughts, not facts, is something that you may well have plenty of people disagreeing with you on.

I'm sorry that you are finding it frustrating, my only true advice would be to stay away from it if it is causing you stress.

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

My research in regards to the doppler/ultrasound use has nothing to do with autism....there are opinions as to a link between the two but honestly, I don't know where I stand on that one. I just know what it's like dealing with autism first hand so I'm careful about anything I do while pregnant.

The research I showed had to do with the effects it has on a developing baby etc. And that in the opinion of midwives AND the American Medical Association...they aren't safe (ultrasounds and dopplers) for personal use or even for use by Doctors unless there is a real issue with the pregnancy.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Oh, I have no idea what the issue or debate was about (I'm not on June 11), I'm just speaking in general.

I guess I would just say that it is great that you have those convictions, and you shared them, and what other people do with the information that you provided is really up to them, try not to let it frustrate you, and if it is frustrating you, remember that you are on a wildly mainstream birth board and that it might be a difficult place for you. It is only when you expect it to be something that it isn't that it gets hard.

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

Thank you for your advice...it's true that it is a mainstream birth board (and to be honest....I was very mainstream in my thinking when I was first pregnant with our first DS) I'll have to keep that in mind...that's why i was wondering if maybe since this is my 4th and I'm not mainstream anymore Smile that perhaps I should make birthing naturally more of my home....regardless, thank you, I really do appreciate your insight and thoughts Smile

cmljll's picture
Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 1409

There are quite a few ladies that have posted here and rarely if ever on their board - both with pregnancy updates and natural living/holistic questions. So feel free to do the same;-)

Amber_daisy's picture
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 567

I've abandoned the BB this time around...I started posting on it, but then realized that it was just going to be way too frustrating. On BBs, I really feel like I'm on the fringe, where as on this board, I feel very "middle of the road," which is nice for once! I also have some really close friends I share a private board with who I share very similar ideas with and who I can go to for advice and support if I don't feel like posting on a public board.

Unless you have a really thick skin and an abundance of patience, it's probably just best to avoid the BB if it's going to be a constant source of aggravation. And as a mom with a child with autism, patience is generally something you use up in your every day life, so there's not a while lot left to deal with internet drama. Wink

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"Amber_daisy" wrote:

I've abandoned the BB this time around...I started posting on it, but then realized that it was just going to be way too frustrating. On BBs, I really feel like I'm on the fringe, where as on this board, I feel very "middle of the road," which is nice for once! I also have some really close friends I share a private board with who I share very similar ideas with and who I can go to for advice and support if I don't feel like posting on a public board.

Unless you have a really thick skin and an abundance of patience, it's probably just best to avoid the BB if it's going to be a constant source of aggravation. And as a mom with a child with autism, patience is generally something you use up in your every day life, so there's not a while lot left to deal with internet drama. Wink

Amber, I'm so sorry to hear your son has autism. Do you know where he is on the spectrum? My DS has high functioning autism and finally was diagnosed at nearly 3 1/2. That was a year ago and we've come SO far since then. But, it's been a journey and a difficult one at that! Do you use a DAN doctor?

jooniper's picture
Joined: 08/27/07
Posts: 780

I've lucked out this time with a board with many similar-minded ladies. Oh, there are definitely differences of opinion, but it's nice not being the ONLY one with a different opinion.
My son's board was awesome up until the kids were about a year old, then little petty things came up and cliques happened and feelings were hurt.... I got WAY too emotionally involved and ended up taking year-long break from all of pg.org. It was a nice breather, but I wasn't about to go through another pregnancy and my first homebirth without the support I find here.

(PS if someone were feeling vindictive, they could get you in some trouble for posting about your BB's issues over here, there is technically a rule against that)

Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870

there are times when i know how you feel. When i go to a WIC appointment i am the grunchy granola mama of the bunch- CD, BF and continue after a year, co-sleep- but at my LLL group i am the most mainstream of the bunch! it is nice to get support on both sides of decisions, but it sucks when one group doesnt agree.

I have to admit i'm quite the lurker. especially on whatever BB is delivering that month, but i try to keep my comments to the supportive or helpful- and i would expect a reprimand if i were to be knocking decisions people made.

its one thing to state "with my pregnancies i did X and the result was Y- personal experience" but its another to say "i did X and the result was Y - SO YOU SHOULD DO THAT TOO" and completely another to flat out disagree with someone's decision "i chose not to do X because of my research - and am having a possibly related issue.... any ideas???" and get a response that is like "go back and do X, it will fix everything and i'm sure its fine because i did it and everyone else does it...." from a lurker....

i think i'm getting too hypothetical here....

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"jooniper" wrote:

I've lucked out this time with a board with many similar-minded ladies. Oh, there are definitely differences of opinion, but it's nice not being the ONLY one with a different opinion.
My son's board was awesome up until the kids were about a year old, then little petty things came up and cliques happened and feelings were hurt.... I got WAY too emotionally involved and ended up taking year-long break from all of pg.org. It was a nice breather, but I wasn't about to go through another pregnancy and my first homebirth without the support I find here.

(PS if someone were feeling vindictive, they could get you in some trouble for posting about your BB's issues over here, there is technically a rule against that)

Oh wow, I had no idea that was against the rules. And I don't think there's an "issue" there persay....it's more of...controversial issues cause heated discussions lol....I'm just trying to figure out if I'd be better off posting here....so emotions don't get involved...or if it's really ok to post your opinion and hope that people are open to research....I really do love the birth board and the ladies on it....it's just the heated topics have started coming up really soon! Smile

led082607's picture
Joined: 11/17/06
Posts: 47

I know what you mean. With my first pregnancy, I joined a birth board on this site. I saw many controversial things and at that point, I realized that it's best to just ignore those posts. I did form a friendship with many of those women and we now share a birth board on a private site where we still all stay in touch over 3 years later. We are all very different and have different ideas and thoughts on things, but we all respect each other and get along great.

With my second pregnancy, I didn't even bother joining a birth board on this site. I didn't want to deal with any of the crap that comes along with birth boards. I just stayed away from this site altogether.

With my third pregnancy being totally unexpected, I felt like I needed support and wanted to talk to other people, so I joined again. There have been a couple of heated topics and to be entirely honest, I didn't post a thing on those threads. I just stayed away from it all and I will continue doing that.

So you either have to have just ignore what people are saying and stay out of the drama, or you have to just say your piece and realize that not everyone is going to agree with you. Everyone is so different and has different feelings about things so of course you are going to have people who get heated and feel passionate about things or the people who just feel a certain way "just because". Don't let it bother you!

jooniper's picture
Joined: 08/27/07
Posts: 780

"batgirlandrobin" wrote:

Oh wow, I had no idea that was against the rules. And I don't think there's an "issue" there persay....it's more of...controversial issues cause heated discussions lol....I'm just trying to figure out if I'd be better off posting here....so emotions don't get involved...or if it's really ok to post your opinion and hope that people are open to research....I really do love the birth board and the ladies on it....it's just the heated topics have started coming up really soon! Smile

I didn't mean to accuse, personally I think you're fine. I'm just thinking back to some of the.... vengeful attitudes that came out of some of the heated discussions on my first BB, and how people looked for things like this to get each other in trouble.
There are a lot of great boards on pg that you can make your home aside from the BBs. This is one of them:)

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"jooniper" wrote:

I didn't mean to accuse, personally I think you're fine. I'm just thinking back to some of the.... vengeful attitudes that came out of some of the heated discussions on my first BB, and how people looked for things like this to get each other in trouble.
There are a lot of great boards on pg that you can make your home aside from the BBs. This is one of them:)

Oh I know you didn't...I'm really glad you informed as I had no clue! lol. I just can't imagine anyone being mean to you....you seem so laid back and sweet! Smile I wanted to join the autism board but there's like nobody there! *Gasp* with 1 out of 91 children autistic....WHERE are the mommies?! Smile

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

"batgirlandrobin" wrote:

I REALLY hate when lurkers come in (not talking about you pico83 Smile ) and start giving their .02....they don't back anything up with research...and just say they couldn't find anything against it.

What makes you think I am a lurker? Just because I didn't go all gaga and announce my pregnancy before the stick was even dry doesn't make me a lurker. You didn't back up your stance with any real research either. Opinions of midwives and gentle birth advocates really isn't enough. Sorry that you find that offensive. I find it more offensive that you broke etiquette rule number one by running over here to spread drama. BTW, before you call me a lurker here, I have been on and off on this board for over 4 years. Take a bit of advice, stick to the other board, state your opinion and don't run with your panties in a bunch when things don't go your way. You will get more people on your side if you approach things with less drama and more honesty. You went to a gender ultrasound at a "private" place with your last pregnancy. We all learn in our own ways and at our own pace.

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

I know what you mean! I've spent a lot of time over here lately and really spent most of my time here during my pregnancy. Our BB actually has several birthing naturally mommas on it but when mainstream uneducated threads start I just say my piece and leave it at that. I realized early on that it was true that you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink Smile You can give the research but you can't make someone change their opinion. I see so much of myself as a FTM in the girls I disagree with and I try to remember how much I had to go through before I started thinking outside society's little box! I figure if I can give the research and get just one momma to think outside the box then woo hoo, if not, well, they'll get there eventually too. I just pray for them that it doesn't take something bad to get them there too and force them to educate themselves.

As a side note: At the beginning of our pregnancies I also posted a link to research that stated dopplers and u/s's should be used as little as possible as the effects on developing babies really isn't known. I was completely brushed aside as other's went out to purchase their doppler's for home use. I gave the information I had and that's all I could do.

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"lilac0422" wrote:

What makes you think I am a lurker? Just because I didn't go all gaga and announce my pregnancy before the stick was even dry doesn't make me a lurker. You didn't back up your stance with any real research either. Opinions of midwives and gentle birth advocates really isn't enough. Sorry that you find that offensive. I find it more offensive that you broke etiquette rule number one by running over here to spread drama. BTW, before you call me a lurker here, I have been on and off on this board for over 4 years. Take a bit of advice, stick to the other board, state your opinion and don't run with your panties in a bunch when things don't go your way. You will get more people on your side if you approach things with less drama and more honesty. You went to a gender ultrasound at a "private" place with your last pregnancy. We all learn in our own ways and at our own pace.

I don't know why you're so angry over this. I wasn't referring to you at all. There were a few posts on the threads where "lurker" was stated. AGain, I really don't understand why you take this personally. I too have been on this board for a long time (over 5 years) and I've never "started drama" or tried to upset someone. I'm trying to choose where I belong best and it's looking like june might not be the best place for me.

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"momW" wrote:

As a side note: At the beginning of our pregnancies I also posted a link to research that stated dopplers and u/s's should be used as little as possible as the effects on developing babies really isn't known. I was completely brushed aside as other's went out to purchase their doppler's for home use. I gave the information I had and that's all I could do.

This is very interesting. I was so uninformed with my first pregnancy and would never have allowed some of the things done that were done. (I had an OB for the first 4 months and received 3 or 4 ultrasounds in the first 3 months alone! Then I switched to a midwife and decided to home birth) Even with my second and third I had no knowledge of ultrasounds and didn't really "think" to research it because they're used in hospitals etc. Now, I question everything and look into everything. I think my DS has taught me to do that Smile It's true that you can only give information and leave it at that..,,the reason I stepped in was because I wish I had known....then I wouldn't regret some of the decisions I made.

Amber_daisy's picture
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 567

"batgirlandrobin" wrote:

Amber, I'm so sorry to hear your son has autism. Do you know where he is on the spectrum? My DS has high functioning autism and finally was diagnosed at nearly 3 1/2. That was a year ago and we've come SO far since then. But, it's been a journey and a difficult one at that! Do you use a DAN doctor?

He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at 25 months. It's been a long road of various health issues since he was six months old (he was developing totally normally and was a perfectly healthy baby til then). The diagnosis really seems to glue all the various, seemingly unrelated issues together. That said, he is doing VERY well. In March of this year he'd had his 3rd speech/language regression and was using only 5 words. He was assessed to have a severe speech/language delay. His language is now within the normal range for a child his age, though there are still speech issues that we're working on. He's also come a long way socially as well. The sensory issues are definitely still there. He's very much a sensory seeker. But we deal with that pretty well. Smile

We don't have a DAN doctor... The nearest one is 4 provinces over. I know of someone here who uses a DAN doctor for her 2 kids though, and I may look into it in the future. Jesse's doing reallly well at the moment, so I'm going to stay the course for now, at least until I finish work in January. We are doing a gluten free diet with him though, as he has a definite sensitivity (we had him screened for celiac twice, and of course it came back normal), and saw immediate improvement when we removed the gluten in his diet. It's very difficult around here to find support from the medical community in taking that sort of approach though.

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"Amber_daisy" wrote:

He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at 25 months. It's been a long road of various health issues since he was six months old (he was developing totally normally and was a perfectly healthy baby til then). The diagnosis really seems to glue all the various, seemingly unrelated issues together. That said, he is doing VERY well. In March of this year he'd had his 3rd speech/language regression and was using only 5 words. He was assessed to have a severe speech/language delay. His language is now within the normal range for a child his age, though there are still speech issues that we're working on. He's also come a long way socially as well. The sensory issues are definitely still there. He's very much a sensory seeker. But we deal with that pretty well. Smile

We don't have a DAN doctor... The nearest one is 4 provinces over. I know of someone here who uses a DAN doctor for her 2 kids though, and I may look into it in the future. Jesse's doing reallly well at the moment, so I'm going to stay the course for now, at least until I finish work in January. We are doing a gluten free diet with him though, as he has a definite sensitivity (we had him screened for celiac twice, and of course it came back normal), and saw immediate improvement when we removed the gluten in his diet. It's very difficult around here to find support from the medical community in taking that sort of approach though.

You've been through a lot too! It really changes you doesn't it?! Our DS snapped at 18 months. We still don't know what triggered it. Until then, he was completely normal. A year ago he wasn't verbal, had constant meltdowns, couldn't make eye contact, had massive sensory issues, had no affection, the list goes on and on. We too went the gluten free route...but also casein free. We found our DS had a very severe allergy to dairy. We also did the methylated B-12 shots for a while (those were GREAT!) He's on a ton of supplements too. It gets really expensive. I can't begin to express how sad I am that you have no real support from the medical community. (sigh) It's so frustrating isn't it?! Have you attempted potty training yet?

Amber_daisy's picture
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 567

"batgirlandrobin" wrote:

You've been through a lot too! It really changes you doesn't it?! Our DS snapped at 18 months. We still don't know what triggered it. Until then, he was completely normal. A year ago he wasn't verbal, had constant meltdowns, couldn't make eye contact, had massive sensory issues, had no affection, the list goes on and on. We too went the gluten free route...but also casein free. We found our DS had a very severe allergy to dairy. We also did the methylated B-12 shots for a while (those were GREAT!) He's on a ton of supplements too. It gets really expensive. I can't begin to express how sad I am that you have no real support from the medical community. (sigh) It's so frustrating isn't it?! Have you attempted potty training yet?

Yes, very frustrating! We first thought his food reactions were allergies, but that was ruled out and the allergist told us to give him everything. Then he was screened for celiac and it came back normal and the gastroenterologist told us to give him everything. After I put 2 and 2 together with his meltdowns (always on the 3rd day of not pooping, and would resolve immediately following a BM), we decided to give gluten free a go. His bowel habits changed immediately (he's a daily pooper now) and he no longer has meltdowns. And his poops no longer burn his skin. We're in the process of potty learning right now. I'm not pushing it, but he peed on the potty once last night and once today. It's been a very gradual thing. He's still not 3 yet though, so I'm not too worried. Truthfully, I don't think he feels when he has to go, because he's always surprised when he does pee on the potty. (I wouldn't be surprised if this is the case, since he's generally hyposensitive to proprioceptive stimuli.) He knows after he's done it though, and will tell us he's wet (at times).

I'd love for him to be fully PTed by the time the new baby comes, because I can't keep up with the laundry as it is! At least we're not shelling out money for sposies though, right?

mandora's picture
Joined: 07/16/07
Posts: 262

Sorry to jump in, but I did some respite work for a couple families dealing with autism, and I was constantly amazed at how little legitimacy is given to altering the diet, eliminating gluten/diary/refined sugars, etc. It seemed so common sense to me, but these families were fighting with their doctors to get it seen as a reasonable course of dealing with it.

Anyway, just wanted to say, I have nothing but respect for those of you with autistic kiddos who are following your gut re: 'treatment'.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I just wanted to add that my 9 year old son has low functioning autism. It's an extremely rough road. I have 2 other children plus one on the way. My son has a whole other host of issues also.

I have always thought that u/s, dopplers, and vaccines have something to do with it. Unfortunately with this baby I got pregnant with an IUD in so I have had to have several u/s done. I hate every one of them. We also do selective vacc. You aren't alone.

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"mandora" wrote:

Sorry to jump in, but I did some respite work for a couple families dealing with autism, and I was constantly amazed at how little legitimacy is given to altering the diet, eliminating gluten/diary/refined sugars, etc. It seemed so common sense to me, but these families were fighting with their doctors to get it seen as a reasonable course of dealing with it.

Anyway, just wanted to say, I have nothing but respect for those of you with autistic kiddos who are following your gut re: 'treatment'.

You have no idea what an encouragement your post is! I personally was blessed to find a pediatric MD that is integrative! We paid out of pocket for a while to see her and to be honest...our autisitic child has cost us the moon Smile But he's so worth every penny! Smile Going gluten/casein free has been one of the hardest things to deal with in regards to his treatment...there isn't a whole lot you can make that's BOTH! LOL.... I just wanted you to know how nice it was to see your post! Thank you!

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"dreamer1980" wrote:

I just wanted to add that my 9 year old son has low functioning autism. It's an extremely rough road. I have 2 other children plus one on the way. My son has a whole other host of issues also.

I have always thought that u/s, dopplers, and vaccines have something to do with it. Unfortunately with this baby I got pregnant with an IUD in so I have had to have several u/s done. I hate every one of them. We also do selective vacc. You aren't alone.

Thank you for posting. My heart goes out to you and your precious 9 yr old! I'm also pregnant with my 4th and our oldest is the one with autism. It's been such a journey. I wouldn't be surprised about the whole ultrasound/doppler idea either (vaccine doesn't apply to us as we didn't do any though I also believe there is valid reason to be concerned about those too. I was told by a pediatric MD that had we vaccinated our son, he would have been SEVERELY autistic.) I hope and pray the precious baby you're growing is born healthy! I have a slight fear in my own heart with each one we have....at least we know what to do if it happens again. Hugs to you!!

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"Amber_daisy" wrote:

Yes, very frustrating! We first thought his food reactions were allergies, but that was ruled out and the allergist told us to give him everything. Then he was screened for celiac and it came back normal and the gastroenterologist told us to give him everything. After I put 2 and 2 together with his meltdowns (always on the 3rd day of not pooping, and would resolve immediately following a BM), we decided to give gluten free a go. His bowel habits changed immediately (he's a daily pooper now) and he no longer has meltdowns. And his poops no longer burn his skin. We're in the process of potty learning right now. I'm not pushing it, but he peed on the potty once last night and once today. It's been a very gradual thing. He's still not 3 yet though, so I'm not too worried. Truthfully, I don't think he feels when he has to go, because he's always surprised when he does pee on the potty. (I wouldn't be surprised if this is the case, since he's generally hyposensitive to proprioceptive stimuli.) He knows after he's done it though, and will tell us he's wet (at times).

I'd love for him to be fully PTed by the time the new baby comes, because I can't keep up with the laundry as it is! At least we're not shelling out money for sposies though, right?

Wow, poor little guy! What a lot he's been through already in his short life! Our's didn't potty until just after 4! We had him on the b-12 shots and a lot of comprehension came about for him. When we did train him then (we had tried a number of times before that) it took 2 days and 1 accident. He was trained day and night....it was amazing. So there's plenty of hope for your little guy! I'm with you on the diaper thing. I bounce back and forth with cloth and sposies. I had 2 in cloth and one in sposies for a little while....it was tough. Now both boys are trained and only the baby is in diapers! Smile I'm so happy for you that the meltdowns are gone! Those are tough to get through! Is he talking well and such or has he ever had speech delays?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

"batgirlandrobin" wrote:

Thank you for posting. My heart goes out to you and your precious 9 yr old! I'm also pregnant with my 4th and our oldest is the one with autism. It's been such a journey. I wouldn't be surprised about the whole ultrasound/doppler idea either (vaccine doesn't apply to us as we didn't do any though I also believe there is valid reason to be concerned about those too. I was told by a pediatric MD that had we vaccinated our son, he would have been SEVERELY autistic.) I hope and pray the precious baby you're growing is born healthy! I have a slight fear in my own heart with each one we have....at least we know what to do if it happens again. Hugs to you!!

Yeah my son is my oldest also. The amount of worrying that goes along with the other two children is enormous. I worry all of the time that "it" will get them too. My son was perfectly fine until 2 years old. So I know that when people say "oh my baby was born perfect" that, that doesn't mean much. It's sad really. I feel like I have waisted so much of their childhood worrying about what might happen. My son has a rare catastrophic form of Epilepsy that goes along with his autism. It's really hard not to obsess isn't it?

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

I'll be honest and say that there are SO many things that could cause autism that you really can't avoid them all. We are exposed to pesticides, preservatives and all sorts of other chemicals every day no matter how careful we are and I'm sure there are dangeous chemicals we live with everyday that they haven't even discovered are harmful yet. With DD1 I didn't even know what BPA was and there was definitely no 'BPA-free' bottles (apart from glass of course). And who knows if it's something we are exposed to long before we even think about kids, our eggs are our eggs from the time we are in our own mother's wombs. I think the most anyone can do on any issue you (general) feel strongly about is present the facts and leave it up to the individual. Birth boards will have heated discussons, I felt pretty lucky with my last birth board because we could discuss those things without getting personal or attacking. If you get someone defensive they are just going to block out everything you say, whereas if you just present the facts they might just open up those links and check them out.

kvo
kvo's picture
Joined: 12/18/06
Posts: 902

"led082607" wrote:

I know what you mean. With my first pregnancy, I joined a birth board on this site. I saw many controversial things and at that point, I realized that it's best to just ignore those posts. I did form a friendship with many of those women and we now share a birth board on a private site where we still all stay in touch over 3 years later. We are all very different and have different ideas and thoughts on things, but we all respect each other and get along great.

Yep....and I get two since Zoe kinda straddled the July-August months. I do think that those 2 boards were very unique and while I participate in Liam's BB, it was nearly to that extent. There are some very nice ladies on Liam's board....several of them had lodges this past June, but it's not the same once you've had multiple kids and have BTDT with the "controversies."

kvo
kvo's picture
Joined: 12/18/06
Posts: 902

"batgirlandrobin" wrote:

Wow, poor little guy! What a lot he's been through already in his short life! Our's didn't potty until just after 4! We had him on the b-12 shots and a lot of comprehension came about for him. When we did train him then (we had tried a number of times before that) it took 2 days and 1 accident. He was trained day and night....it was amazing. So there's plenty of hope for your little guy! I'm with you on the diaper thing. I bounce back and forth with cloth and sposies. I had 2 in cloth and one in sposies for a little while....it was tough. Now both boys are trained and only the baby is in diapers! Smile I'm so happy for you that the meltdowns are gone! Those are tough to get through! Is he talking well and such or has he ever had speech delays?

Amber is a wonderful mommy...her little guy is doing so great!

TyrantOfTheWeek's picture
Joined: 12/26/05
Posts: 1147

Are you on Mothering.com at all? They are more granola and you will find lots of people with your view points.

And, I have problems hanging out and being supportive on BBs toward the end when you get a lot of "induction date set!!" and "My c/s is scheduled!!" Some, obviously are for good legit medical reasons, but some I try to just avoid reading until the "Baby has arrived" announcement.

Oh, And I realllllly have to restrain myself on circ discussions.

Amber_daisy's picture
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 567

"batgirlandrobin" wrote:

Wow, poor little guy! What a lot he's been through already in his short life! Our's didn't potty until just after 4! We had him on the b-12 shots and a lot of comprehension came about for him. When we did train him then (we had tried a number of times before that) it took 2 days and 1 accident. He was trained day and night....it was amazing. So there's plenty of hope for your little guy! I'm with you on the diaper thing. I bounce back and forth with cloth and sposies. I had 2 in cloth and one in sposies for a little while....it was tough. Now both boys are trained and only the baby is in diapers! Smile I'm so happy for you that the meltdowns are gone! Those are tough to get through! Is he talking well and such or has he ever had speech delays?

His receptive language has always been normal. His expressive language, on the other hand, developed normally until around a year, and between then and 27 months he had 3 speech regressions. His language is now in the normal range for a 2 1/2 to 3 year old. He still has a lot of trouble with some speech sounds that he should have by now (like "w", "h", and "f") and he still has a lot of assimilation errors and does this weird deletion/addition thing with the "s" or "sh" sound. So "shoes" comes out as "oosh" and "shirt" sounds like "irsh". He's getting more and more talkative every day, and lately has been the sweetest boy in the world. Yesterday he told DH, "Daddy my best friend" and he tells me "I missed you berry much Mommy" when I come home from work, or even after a nap.

It's so weird, when he was diagnosed in February, it felt like my world was falling apart, but lately I just feel so at peace with everything that's happened.

"kvo" wrote:

Amber is a wonderful mommy...her little guy is doing so great!

Thanks so much hun! That means a lot to me. Biggrin

Melissa1223's picture
Joined: 01/10/07
Posts: 149

"TyrantOfTheWeek" wrote:

Oh, And I realllllly have to restrain myself on circ discussions.

Oh man! I am pretty laid back about most "controversial" topics. I am usually able to express my opinion and describe my choices and then let it be. I think most moms (most people in general) are doing the best they can, making the choices they feel are the right ones and so I don't really get too wrapped around the axle about it. Lord knows I have made some choices in my life that I look back on and think, "What the...?" So I feel comfortable stating my opinion (I assume most moms are looking for a variety of ideas and perspectives, otherwise why post on a public board?) and letting others make their own choices.

But lately I have come to realize I have a VERY emotional response to the circ issue. My BB just had our first discussion on the topic and I was so proud of myself for keeping my posts from getting hyper emotional. But the whole discussion and the attitude women have about the topic really upset me. I finally talked to DH about it and he helped me see that I just had to let it go because there isn't anything I can do to change a persons mind. All I can do is express my opinions and the research that backs them up and hope that it helps even one mom pause and think before making a snap decision.

Getting back to the OP, I think that you probably already know whether you should continue frequenting your BB. If the topics and attitudes upset you then don't go. I am happy to be a crunchy momma on a mainstream board and am able to let and let live (on most things Blum 3 ) so I enjoy my BB. But I don't think I would enjoy it as much without the Birthing Naturally board as a counterweight.

PS. I liked this board before, but I LOVE it after reading through all the posts in this thread. I really dig the attitude of respectful discussion and sensitivity that you ladies display. It is refreshing since a lot of the internet is full of callousness. Anonymity often breeds animosity, and all that. So *hearts and stars* for the Birthing Naturally board!!!

emommyof2's picture
Joined: 09/26/10
Posts: 310

There are times when I don't agree with other mom's about certain topics, and after being totally taken the wrong way (my fault) about the morning sickness drugs, I've adopted a no opinion policy. Truth is, I could be wrong, they could be wrong, we don't know for sure, and there is no way I can or should try to change other people's minds. I'm a firm supporter of 'choice' and that extends to many different things.

Being preggers also makes us all a bit... touchy sometimes, and so simple 'debates' can turn into crazy all out fights Blum 3 Now I keep this on my desktop to both remind me that you can't change the world, and make me laugh:

Melissa1223's picture
Joined: 01/10/07
Posts: 149

I LOVE xkcd.com comics!!!! That one is so true.

jooniper's picture
Joined: 08/27/07
Posts: 780

Ha, that's one of my favorite specific comics- I've referenced it myself on pg.org when I got too sucked into a debate. That's totally me.

mandora's picture
Joined: 07/16/07
Posts: 262

I was trying to figure out what to say to address the OP, and I think Melissa (Melissa 1223) said EXACTLY what I was trying to come up with. Smile So, just put me down for a 'what she said'. Wink

p.s., that comic is awesome. It's going on the office wall. Smile

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

"mandora" wrote:

I was trying to figure out what to say to address the OP, and I think Melissa (Melissa 1223) said EXACTLY what I was trying to come up with. Smile So, just put me down for a 'what she said'. Wink

p.s., that comic is awesome. It's going on the office wall. Smile

Um, ditto your ditto? Lol

I felt very fortunate that my particular birth board turned out to be so mutually respectful. We have a very wide variety of opinions and backgrounds (which I, as a FTM, was mostly happy to hear about), but everyone has been very careful to express their differences of opinion with understanding and respect, just as on this board. And honestly I just don't read threads I know I'm going to get upset about without having anything positive to contribute.

That's all to say that I think Preg.org is a great community in general, especially when you consider how bad it is on a large majority of public forums out there! I'm very happy to have found it; it was a real source of support for me...and still is!

Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 621

It can be frustrating....as it can be in real life. IRL, I pretty much keep completely quiet about my opinions (no matter how "off" someone else is about a topic with the wrong information) even though I have tons of things to back up my opinion. Unless I am specifically asked, I don't say anything.

On BB's there's more of a gray line. Because many times "you" are asked your opinion with the title of the post. So that's where my frustrations lie. When I post (or have posted in the past) my opinion, it's almost like I have offended someone else because my opinion is different.

Thankfully my current BB is great. There has been no drama (not even with the naming of the board that I know of and we all know how that can be!) so far. I know once the induction talk starts, it'll be hard for me.

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

I totally understand your frustration. It is hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I hear someone say something like "well I am scheduling my elective c-section on x date". But in the end people have to make their own choices. All you can do is put the information out there. I have to deal with this as a doula. I will have mom's that won't choose the same option that I would. And I have to be able to be ok with that. It is not my job to make choices for another person. I think as long as we are fully informed it is our choice to make. That said we need to be careful. This is a public board and members of all birth boards are welcome to join in here and lurk. Let's try and keep our comments generic if it applies to something specifically said on another board here on PO. I don't want anyone to come over here and then feel hurt after reading something here.

kridda_88's picture
Joined: 01/28/08
Posts: 1798

I visit my birth boards a little but not much any more because of their thinking. My February board about drove me nuts because their were so many that just scheduled inductions early and c-sections because if they were to go into labor "something might go wrong." I think about 75% of my February board ended up with scheduled c-sections or emergency c-sections, due to inducing early. A lot was also because of the "baby's too big" scare tactic that docs use. Oh well I think with the next one I might just leave them alone. We'll see though. Sometimes i'm a stinker and like stirring things up. It makes people seriously think about their decisions later on. Smile

Now you guys know my evil secret. :twisted:

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

"kridda_88" wrote:

I visit my birth boards a little but not much any more because of their thinking. My February board about drove me nuts because their were so many that just scheduled inductions early and c-sections because if they were to go into labor "something might go wrong." I think about 75% of my February board ended up with scheduled c-sections or emergency c-sections, due to inducing early. A lot was also because of the "baby's too big" scare tactic that docs use. Oh well I think with the next one I might just leave them alone. We'll see though. Sometimes i'm a stinker and like stirring things up. It makes people seriously think about their decisions later on. Smile

Now you guys know my evil secret. :twisted:

Wow, can you IMAGINE?! Would you believe that with my first, I thought I'd just have a c-section because I thought it would be easier and honestly....birth scared me. By the time I was 16 weeks I'd fired my doctor and decided to go with a midwife and home birth...still not sure how that happened! Smile Here we are expecting our 4th and 4th home birth....funny how your thinking changes and sometimes in such a drastic way!

Thank you for your thoughts ladies...I agree...I think I really belong here because I don't like to cause issues and though I think it's very important for people to be informed....each will do what they want to do in the end. I just wish I had known more on certain things back when we had our first. Nobody tried to tell me anything! argh!

So, I'm going to make this my home...sorry I've been lurking more the past few days as the morning sickness has been horrible! ARGH! This is SO not my favorite part! Smile