Thread: Not really sure I belong....

On the June birth board. As soon as controversial issues come up....it gets heated. (sigh) I'm always one of the minority when the heated discussions come up. I'm just wondering how worth it, it is to deal with it I don't feel like I can leave a topic alone if I have evidence that something is harmful ....I like the girls and I enjoy the board but I REALLY hate when lurkers come in (not talking about you pico83 ) and start giving their .02....they don't back anything up with research...and just say they couldn't find anything against it.

Sorry ladies....I just felt the need to vent. It wouldn't be a big deal but I have 2 special needs kids and when people start coming in saying how they had x number of ultrasounds and used a doppler for personal use all the time while pregnant....and then state that their child is just fine....I guess I find it a little offensive because there is absolutely NO sensitivity towards the fact that nobody knows the cause of autism and you DO have to be careful how much you expose your infant to technology....ya know?

Am I the only one who stresses over this? I have a son with autism (no family history of it, we don't vaccinate, we eat organic, I breastfeed over a year....etc) and I have a daughter with developmental delays, speech delays and who was very much and still kinda is at 15 months...floppy. Maybe I shouldn't take it so personally but we've lived through a form of hell with the autism and I don't wish that on anyone! No form of personal pleasure (be it seeing my baby or hearing the heartbeat) is worth the risk of them possibly coming out with autism...

Honestly I think that it is always rather awkward when someone from one (public) board comes to talk about that board on another (public) board.

My first pregnancy I was all into my birth board. By my second, I learned that I know all that I need to know, and that birth boards can simply be very frustrating places to those who have strong feelings on issues. By my third pregnancy I didn't even look at the board for my due date month while pregnant. I know how to be pregnant quite well by now, I don't need to obsess over symptoms or convince other people that my way or my thought process is the best one. There are many other sites where birth boards are way less mainstream, and if I needed advice or whatnot that was where I would go. THat just kept me from feeling as though I was alone in my thoughts or beating my head against a wall trying to change how other people felt. Personally I think that since there is no proven link between autism and dopplers or ultrasound, it is hard to expect other people to feel exactly like you do in regards to those issues. It would be different, perhaps, if you were advocating not beating ones child, and lurkers were popping in to tell you that beating children was great, (that would be scary and frustrating) but something like this that is based on your own thoughts, not facts, is something that you may well have plenty of people disagreeing with you on.

I'm sorry that you are finding it frustrating, my only true advice would be to stay away from it if it is causing you stress.

My research in regards to the doppler/ultrasound use has nothing to do with autism....there are opinions as to a link between the two but honestly, I don't know where I stand on that one. I just know what it's like dealing with autism first hand so I'm careful about anything I do while pregnant.

The research I showed had to do with the effects it has on a developing baby etc. And that in the opinion of midwives AND the American Medical Association...they aren't safe (ultrasounds and dopplers) for personal use or even for use by Doctors unless there is a real issue with the pregnancy.

Oh, I have no idea what the issue or debate was about (I'm not on June 11), I'm just speaking in general.

I guess I would just say that it is great that you have those convictions, and you shared them, and what other people do with the information that you provided is really up to them, try not to let it frustrate you, and if it is frustrating you, remember that you are on a wildly mainstream birth board and that it might be a difficult place for you. It is only when you expect it to be something that it isn't that it gets hard.

Thank you for your advice...it's true that it is a mainstream birth board (and to be honest....I was very mainstream in my thinking when I was first pregnant with our first DS) I'll have to keep that in mind...that's why i was wondering if maybe since this is my 4th and I'm not mainstream anymore that perhaps I should make birthing naturally more of my home....regardless, thank you, I really do appreciate your insight and thoughts

There are quite a few ladies that have posted here and rarely if ever on their board - both with pregnancy updates and natural living/holistic questions. So feel free to do the same

I've abandoned the BB this time around...I started posting on it, but then realized that it was just going to be way too frustrating. On BBs, I really feel like I'm on the fringe, where as on this board, I feel very "middle of the road," which is nice for once! I also have some really close friends I share a private board with who I share very similar ideas with and who I can go to for advice and support if I don't feel like posting on a public board.

Unless you have a really thick skin and an abundance of patience, it's probably just best to avoid the BB if it's going to be a constant source of aggravation. And as a mom with a child with autism, patience is generally something you use up in your every day life, so there's not a while lot left to deal with internet drama.

Originally Posted by Amber_daisy

I've abandoned the BB this time around...I started posting on it, but then realized that it was just going to be way too frustrating. On BBs, I really feel like I'm on the fringe, where as on this board, I feel very "middle of the road," which is nice for once! I also have some really close friends I share a private board with who I share very similar ideas with and who I can go to for advice and support if I don't feel like posting on a public board.

Unless you have a really thick skin and an abundance of patience, it's probably just best to avoid the BB if it's going to be a constant source of aggravation. And as a mom with a child with autism, patience is generally something you use up in your every day life, so there's not a while lot left to deal with internet drama.

Amber, I'm so sorry to hear your son has autism. Do you know where he is on the spectrum? My DS has high functioning autism and finally was diagnosed at nearly 3 1/2. That was a year ago and we've come SO far since then. But, it's been a journey and a difficult one at that! Do you use a DAN doctor?

I've lucked out this time with a board with many similar-minded ladies. Oh, there are definitely differences of opinion, but it's nice not being the ONLY one with a different opinion.
My son's board was awesome up until the kids were about a year old, then little petty things came up and cliques happened and feelings were hurt.... I got WAY too emotionally involved and ended up taking year-long break from all of pg.org. It was a nice breather, but I wasn't about to go through another pregnancy and my first homebirth without the support I find here.

(PS if someone were feeling vindictive, they could get you in some trouble for posting about your BB's issues over here, there is technically a rule against that)

there are times when i know how you feel. When i go to a WIC appointment i am the grunchy granola mama of the bunch- CD, BF and continue after a year, co-sleep- but at my LLL group i am the most mainstream of the bunch! it is nice to get support on both sides of decisions, but it sucks when one group doesnt agree.

I have to admit i'm quite the lurker. especially on whatever BB is delivering that month, but i try to keep my comments to the supportive or helpful- and i would expect a reprimand if i were to be knocking decisions people made.

its one thing to state "with my pregnancies i did X and the result was Y- personal experience" but its another to say "i did X and the result was Y - SO YOU SHOULD DO THAT TOO" and completely another to flat out disagree with someone's decision "i chose not to do X because of my research - and am having a possibly related issue.... any ideas???" and get a response that is like "go back and do X, it will fix everything and i'm sure its fine because i did it and everyone else does it...." from a lurker....

i think i'm getting too hypothetical here....