Opinions needed, OB vs Midwife

21 posts / 0 new
Last post
jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327
Opinions needed, OB vs Midwife

I'm hitting a wall here and am so frustrated. Just need to hear some opinions from others.

When it comes to NCB, and options/pressure/support during prenatal care and delivery, how did you feel about your OB or MW? If you've used one of each feel free to compare.

Background (long, read if interested):
DS1 was born via c/s due to prolonged labor/failure to progress (if I had just known more then, anyway). Had a hospital MW but OB was my assigned person once I hit the hospital. DS2 was a planned home birth, with non-emergency hospital transfer at the end of labor, and a sucessful VBAC. Obviously I was with a HBMW all of pregnancy and then had a random OB at the hospital went to. So this pregancy we are planning on a hospital birth since the out of pocket expense on another home birth so close to the last just isn't possible. I've been seeing an OB (jerk) in my small town that won't deliver me unless I agree to a c/s because that is our small town hospital policy even after having a prior VBAC (lame). The hospital we had DS2 in was horrible and the doctor there screwed up big time as DS2 came out so we won't be going back there even though they are VBAC friendly. So DH and I have been searching high and low for a hosptial that will let me have (another) VBAC and finally came up with an awesome in hospital birth center an hour away. They promised the moon at this place and gave me the list of MW's I could contact. I arrived for my first MW appointment (with a MW group connected to the hospital) today and the MW was not there because she was was in a c/s with a client (?). Ok, book another appointment for next week and get all the paperwork and junk done with the nurses. Then on my drive home I get a call from the MW saying that I'm not actually going to be able to be seen any MW's because they don't see VBAC ladies (even after having one already) and refers me to an OB in her practice. I called another group that delivers at that hospital as well and the same thing. Ugh. I pretty much cried the rest of the way home. I'm so frustrated. I don't dislike OB's but I've never had any good experiences with them and I really worried about them not being NCB friendly, totally non-supportive of VBAC's, and pushy with interventions. I probably should just go and meet one or find another hospital with MW's but I'm still just so upset.

My dad went on and on this weekend about how I should just have another c/s so I don't kill myself :violent2: , which totally lead to an argument. He is uneducated about the whole 'birth thing' as he calls it. And the OB I've been seeing is so horrible and never tells me anything about during appointments. My last appointment he told me that he was glad I stopped BFing my 14 month old (I didn't really, just lied to him) because it was hurting both me and my unborn baby. Then he went on and on about the fact that I'd have GD because of how large I was now (up 15lbs from pp) and before I got preg. (only 10lbs above the 'ideal' weight on the charts). He is also totally annoyed that I refused any testing beyond a standard blood test up till now. The stress from those 2 people added on to the whole MW refusal finding today have totally pushed me to the edge. I loved my HBMW so much last time, she was so supportive and encouraging, and now I'm dealing with this.

So someone tell me that they had some great OB's that they've used in the past, or currently, so that I can stop feeling so bad about the whole thing. Or the opposite so that I can go max out my discover card to pay for the HBMW last minute and likely upset my DH because we can't afford it and insurance doesn't cover enough of it.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

Would you mind PMing me your location in California? I might be able to help you find a VBAC-friendly provider. Smile Also consider getting involved with your local ICAN, they will be a great source for local information.

I would personally find a way to make a home birth work. Unless you have an HMO, your insurance should cover at least 60% or up to 90% under your out-of-network coverage. If your employer, or your DH's employer, offers a cafeteria plan or a flexible spending account, use it! Not only is the money you put in pre-tax dollars, which essentially saves you whatever your tax bracket is, it also spreads the expense over the entire year even if you pay the midwife in the first month or two.

That said, I do love my OB. I didn't want her delivering either of my babies, but only because she doesn't do home births & I'm not fond of my HMO's hospital in general. She has great warmth, a sincere bedside manner, she respects an informed mom's decision-making, she supports natural birth & doulas, she's just great. If the home birth can't work for you, keep looking for a great OB. They do exist!

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

I like my OB. I really do. He's a great VBAC friendly OB. Obviously you know my details from my VBA2C baby and even though it wasn't "perfect" it was enough for me to be going back to him. As much as I'd love a homebirth I don't think I can because the hospital I would have to transfer to in case of emergency has the worlds WORST OB's, no joke, the worst! (don't hold me to the no hb thing yet though). There are great OB's out there, there really are but you do have to look for them!

I agree with Stacey, ICAN is a fantastic resource!! Even if you don't have one right there in town, they'll be helpful to talk you through any questions or issues and they're great to bounce ideas off of about dr's Smile

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

Joy, that completely sucks that those MW's won't see VBAC ladies! I can't even believe that! I know how excited you were to find that place and then to have this happen. I would suggest that you at least give the new OB a chance. Interview with him at minimum. I adore my OB. With every appointment I like him more and more. He really listens to me when I have questions and explains everything completely. He is also completely on board with my VBAC plans. There really are great OB's out there and if you can't have a MW, you should definitely talk to some OB's. If you end up not liking any OB, then maybe you can revisit the HB idea again and see if there is any way that you guys can make it work out. Where there's a will there's a way. I am so sorry that you have to deal with such a very stressful situation! Let us know what happens.

waitingimpatiently614's picture
Joined: 02/17/09
Posts: 386

i had an OB last time and am seeing MW this time...both deliver only in the hospital and are pretty "medicalized" (if that's a word), but i still see a BIG difference in the model of care, obstetrics vs. midwifery. it's just a different approach/philosophy. and the particular practice of midwives i see are very supportive and experienced in natural childbirth. most of them have given birth to their own children at home! so they are hesitant to rely on medical interventions and prefer to let labor and delivery play out in a normal, healthy way whenever possible. my OB last time was very quick to resort to any and every intervention, and i also felt like he didn't really listen to me or take me seriously, but i know not all OBs are like that.

that's frustrating that the MW practice you talked to won't take VBACs. i really hope you can find an OB that is supportive and open to your plans/desires for this birth. you are the consumer, and you deserve to receive service from your provider that meets your needs and expectations. you shouldn't have to tell your OB whatever they want to hear to get them off your back about something or listen to lectures about things you don't agree with. seems like if that's the case, then that doctor is not a good fit for you, which i know you already know and that's why you've been desperately searching for an alternative! i really hope you find someone else you can trust and respect.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

The more I've been thinking about this, the more I'm wondering if maybe you mis-understood what the midwives' group said? In California, midwives *can* legally see VBAC clients, but there must be an OB consult. Perhaps they said, or meant to say, that you would need to see the OB *first* to make sure that you're a good VBAC candidate & discuss the risks, but then you can see the midwives after you've been approved by the OB? I hadn't noticed earlier, but I see your first VBAC baby & this one will be less than 18 months apart, so maybe they didn't see or remember that your C/S birth was years earlier & are treating you as if this is your first VBAC, in which case, less than 18 months is a higher risk. I'd suggest a call back tomorrow for clarification, and maybe even give the OB a chance. And finally, CA law governing midwives very strongly backs up an informed mom's right to make her own decisions about her own pregnancy, labor, birth, and choice of caregiver, so perhaps they have a legal paper you could sign that they reserve for such clients as yourself who know what they want, and who know they don't want to see an OB. If not, suggest it! Blum 3 Good luck to you!

Joined: 05/31/08
Posts: 1131

Oof, that sucks. I hope Spacers is right. Definitely give them a call back and clarify. It really doesn't make sense that their midwives could not attend VBACs at all, needing an OB consult seems to be more likely, but who knows, maybe the hospital has their own weird policy. However, if it's true their midwives can't deliver you, there's a good chance any OB working with them is much more supportive of NCB and VBAC than your current guy, since they are agreeing to work with/consult with/back up midwives. In fact, your current OB sounds like an idiot. Definitely find a new one, even if it doesn't work out to have a midwife. I'd say clarify with the MW group, and then talk to the OB they refer you to, and there is a good chance that this OB will be supportive, and at the very least, better than what you are dealing with now! Good luck and KUP!

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

Awwww! I was so excited to hear you'd found that MW group. I really hope Spacers is right. I have zero experience with OBs so I'm a bit biased towards MWs. There must be fabulous OBs out there. They have to exist. Even if you find one that's almost fabulous you can still make what you want out of your birth because it is YOUR birth. When it comes down to it, its your body your decision. If I were in your situation and couldn't find an OB I was comfortable with and affording a HB was even remotely in the cards, I'd try to go for a HB. A positive and healthy birth is worth going into debt, IMO.

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

Thanks for all the input ladies. I'm starting to de-stress from it all and everyone's advice is helping me stay calm. I booked an appt. with one of the OBs in the MW group so that I can get some clarification on everything and find out if the hospital birth center will indeed be a good fit. I guess maybe the situation isn't a normal one for them so everyone has had different answers so far. I will get to the bottom of this though and either be happy with the situation or move on to another.

Erin--I totally agree that a positive and healthy birth is totally worth going to to debt for. Still considering it but I've gotta get DH more on board. I already told him I'm going to find a tree in our costal redwoods and birth under it and that he can be my man-wife if he'd like. Your MIL still inspires me Smile Totally the way to go!

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

My jaw was on the floor through most of your post. I can't believe how totally sh*tty your OB is! If I were you I would be just as upset. Hopefully Spacers can help you find someone great in your area. That doctor must be a complete moron! Thinking that it's HURTING your body to be BF your baby... something that it was CREATED to do?!?!?! It doesn't matter if you're pregnant again! And the thing with the GD?!?! I'm considered "obese" and have never once had GD with four pregnancies, so it really can strike anyone, just like plenty of thin women can get it... what an idiot! I really hope you find someone great in your area so that you can have the vagnial, natural CB you're wanting! KUP!

ourfirstblessing's picture
Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 1094

i hope you get some good answers with the ob and are able to find a wonderful, supportive environment to welcome this baby! kup!!

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

Joy, have you had any progress on getting all this sorted out?

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

"jolly11sd" wrote:

I already told him I'm going to find a tree in our costal redwoods and birth under it and that he can be my man-wife if he'd like. Your MIL still inspires me Smile Totally the way to go!

After the hell that woman put us through in the final years of her life, I try to hold on to her birth stories as a reminder of who she was before she deteriorated into a miserable, soul-sucking, hell beast.

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

"TiggersMommy" wrote:

After the hell that woman put us through in the final years of her life, I try to hold on to her birth stories as a reminder of who she was before she deteriorated into a miserable, soul-sucking, hell beast.

Ahhh, I can't believe she was a hell beast! Totally not what I picture. So sorry she wasn't so so nice during her final days. Yeah, just remember her by her birth stories.

Anna--Still working on it. Meeting with an OB from the first place and touring some more places. Seriously, it sucks that figuring out this stuff is this hard. I'm lucky that I didn't have to figure it out last time with Odin.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

"TiggersMommy" wrote:

After the hell that woman put us through in the final years of her life, I try to hold on to her birth stories as a reminder of who she was before she deteriorated into a miserable, soul-sucking, hell beast.

Yeah, given "amazing birth story" and "hell beast" are the only two things I know about this woman, I have a hard time forming a mental picture. Maybe for the best?

Good luck with your continued search, Joy....

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"jolly11sd" wrote:

Ahhh, I can't believe she was a hell beast! Totally not what I picture. So sorry she wasn't so so nice during her final days. Yeah, just remember her by her birth stories.

Anna--Still working on it. Meeting with an OB from the first place and touring some more places. Seriously, it sucks that figuring out this stuff is this hard. I'm lucky that I didn't have to figure it out last time with Odin.

I still vote for making a homebirth work. Smile And I'm PMing you some more info, too. I've been home sick the last couple of days.

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

So met with a NCB and VBAC friendly OB today at possible desired place of birth. She fielded my 1000 questions (just short of me having a spot light on her for questioning) pretty well and seems like she is a pretty decent fit. She assured me that the other OB's she works were are all like minded. Hard to tell when talking with someone for 20-30 minutes if there 100% genuine but she didn't make me want to run the other direction so thats a good thing. I booked one more appt. with her in 2 weeks to get a little more face time in and see how it goes. Still keeping my options open and looking around but the whole appt./meeting was reassuring and helps me feel a little less stressed.

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

that's good news Joy! My OB with Clara fielded a billion questions during my pregnancy and was very patient. That's the one thing I really love about him.

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

That's great news, Joy! I hope it works out and you still get to have a birth with every element you want except the 'home' part.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

That's fantastic news, Joy!

beccasweet's picture
Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 679

Glad your appt went well and the OB seems to fit with what you want.

I had a midwife for most of my care but I was told by my midwife that one of the OBs that works at the clinic is very supportive of NCB and wishes they had more which really surprised me. (We are military and go on base for our care. When I gave birth mine was only the third NCB the midwife had been a part of at that facility) I think NCB and VBAC friendly OBs are out there but hard to find. I'm really glad you seem to have found one.