Pregnant with #3 and Birth Fear

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AmberC727's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 226
Pregnant with #3 and Birth Fear

Hi ladies,

I found out about a week and a half ago that I'm pregnant with my 3rd baby. My first two were both natural deliveries at birth centers with midwives. My first delivery was wonderful. The second was hell! Seriously, she was the same size as her brother almost but I was in transition for almost 2 hours and then ended up with absolutely heinous hemorrhoids so even after she was born, I STILL hurt down there. I had awful PPD despite encapsulating my placenta (it happened after my pills ran out) and I couldn't bond with my daughter for over a month because of how bad her delivery was.

I do not want to go through this again. I've even gone as far as contemplating a hospital delivery with an epidural, that's how awful her birth experience was. In my heart I *know* I don't want that kind of delivery, but my head tells me that I do because of my last birth.

Has anyone gone through this? Have any tips on overcoming it?

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

First of all, congratulations Smile

Have you considered doing Hypnobirthing or Hypnobabies? Both have fear-clearing exercises for just this kind of thing. (They're also really helpful relaxation techniques to help your birth go more smoothly and if nothing else they really help you sleep during pregnancy, which is no small thing! Lol

Good luck...I know what you mean, I was in transition and pushing for two hours too, and it took me a really, really long time to work through the idea that another birth wouldn't have to be like that!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

I'm going to second the suggestion for Hypnobabies for the fear cleansing work. You might also find it helpful to work through your emotions from your second birth with something like Birthing From Within or even a therapist. I did a few sessions with a hypnotherapist during my second pregnancy to deal with the emotional aftermath of my traumatic first delivery. I'd done a ton of healing work before getting pregnant again, but it all came back to me anyway. Sad

Also, I'll bet your baby wasn't in a good position if you had that much trouble with a second baby. Check out Spinning Babies for some things you can do to help make sure baby is in the most optimal position for birth.

AmberC727's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 226

I did Hypnobabies when I was pregnant with my last one, so I still have those tracks and can listen to them and see if they help. I guess after doing hypnobabies in my last pregnancy, and then it being that bad despite having done all the right things, I'm not confident in ANYTHING, not hypnobabies, not chiropractic, not spinning babies, nothing. I was pretty diligent with making sure she was in a good position, I did exercises from the Spinningbabies site and saw a chiropractor several times a week during my 3rd trimester (I also had terrible SPD with her and sciatic pain all the way through).

DitherDither's picture
Joined: 04/16/09
Posts: 152

I experienced a similar sense of fear before my third baby, too. It was a fast birth, only about 2.5 hours, and my DD had to be resuscitated. Her first apgar was a 3,and she was blue and very floppy. I was very, very fearful of my third delivery being similar. We live in a very rural area, so my hospital is about 45 minutes - 1 hour away, and I was terrified of giving birth on the side of the road and the baby needing help that I, or any available EMTs (who are all volunteer and not necessarily trained in neonatal resuscitation), would not be able to give her.

I did a lot of talking about my fears with my midwives. The first time I brought it up, I felt like my fears were a bit dismissed. The second time, I had a really in depth conversation with the head midwife in the practice, and I felt so, so much better. Sometimes just vocalizing your fears and talking through them can be so helpful. My midwife emphasized to me again and again that each birth is unique, and that it won't and can't be the same as the last. In terms of my specific fears, she told me that all you really need to birth a baby is a pair of hands and a blanket....I found those words very comforting.

And when it cam time to have DD2, it was a very different birth! It was still fast, about 3 hours, but she was born pink and healthy with apgars of 9 and 9. During the birth, the midwife kept saying. "This is her birth; it's her story. She's writing her own story." I think that is important for any birth after the first --- you are often so wrapped up in comparing or thinking about what happened in previous births, whether good or bad, that it can overshadow the uniqueness of the new baby's birth story.

Talk about your fears with your partner, with your care providers, etc. Tell them what you are afraid of, and look to them for comfort. This birth will be different. It has to be, because it's a new baby and a new story! Smile

AmberC727's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 226

"DitherDither" wrote:

"This is her birth; it's her story. She's writing her own story." I think that is important for any birth after the first --- you are often so wrapped up in comparing or thinking about what happened in previous births, whether good or bad, that it can overshadow the uniqueness of the new baby's birth story.

Thank you for this! You are absolutely right, I haven't thought about it in this way! I will remember this, and probably write it down somewhere.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

"This is her birth; it's her story. She's writing her own story." I think that is important for any birth after the first --- you are often so wrapped up in comparing or thinking about what happened in previous births, whether good or bad, that it can overshadow the uniqueness of the new baby's birth story.

Those really are powerful words, for any birth!

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

"Marite13" wrote:

Those really are powerful words, for any birth!

Agreed--I love that!

Joined: 09/02/05
Posts: 994

This is her birth; it's her story. She's writing her own story." I think that is important for any birth after the first --- you are often so wrapped up in comparing or thinking about what happened in previous births, whether good or bad, that it can overshadow the uniqueness of the new baby's birth story.

Love this! I personally have a hard time keeping this in perspective....thanks!

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

"DitherDither" wrote:

During the birth, the midwife kept saying. "This is her birth; it's her story. She's writing her own story." I think that is important for any birth after the first --- you are often so wrapped up in comparing or thinking about what happened in previous births, whether good or bad, that it can overshadow the uniqueness of the new baby's birth story.

Wow - incredible words!

I am going to suggest to journal your fears and hopes for the birth and for this baby. Writing things down can really help to move past fear you have.

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"DitherDither" wrote:

Talk about your fears with your partner, with your care providers, etc. Tell them what you are afraid of, and look to them for comfort. This birth will be different. It has to be, because it's a new baby and a new story! Smile

I want to second this! Soooo, important to have a care provider who is not just on your side, but that understand exactly where you are coming from.

And congratulations on your pregnancy Smile