Preparing kiddos for homebirth
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    Mega Poster mandora's Avatar
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    Default Preparing kiddos for homebirth

    So, I've been preparing my daughter (just turned 3) for the upcoming birth of her sister. She says she wants to be there, so I've been really trying to prepare her. She's already quite concerned when I wince because of a particularly strong kick or regular preggo discomfort, so I'm a bit worried she's going to freak out when I'm in labour. I've been showing her youtube videos of homebirths, and she LOVES them. Anything else I can try? How have you guys helped siblings prepare for the birth (if you have?)? She's a very sensitive/empathetic kid and doesn't like to see anyone upset... do you think it's best if I just tell her she can't be there? I don't want to scar the poor kid.

    Interesting side-note - she FREAKS. OUT. when doctors or other attendants try to do anything to interfere with the momma or the baby in the videos. She LOVES homebirth videos where the momma pushes without people telling her what to do or stepping in, but as soon as she sees a person in scrubs or the suction tubes or anything she says 'it's scary! I don't like this one!' My little natural-birther. She gets very excited when the baby starts to crown and she can tell there's a head... 'it's coming out! Look, it's so beautiful!'
    ~Manda~
    Married to Mark 05.25.07
    DD Stella Gabrielle - 12.31.07
    DS Sebastien David - 01.06.09
    DD Selene 'Lilu' Katherine Alice 03.16.11



    Homebirthing, breastfeeding, attachment parenting momma

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    My DD was just 2 when DD2 was born. So a bit of an age difference. I did all the same things as you did. SHe loves birth videos. I even showed her her own birth. When it came time, I made sure to have someone she was comfortable with who wouldn't mind focusing on her. There's only so much prep you can do, then what happens in the moment of birth is just gonna happen. Violet didn't like my vocalizing, so she had the option of going to another part of the house with her caregiver (my sister). At the actual moment of birth she was in the back yard my the patio doors where I was on the other side pushing out her sister.

    It was nice to offer her the option of being there for the birth or not. I knew I wanted her around at the very least; as in another area of the house, or the yard. I didn't want her taken to another home or the park. I wanted her to have the knowledge that her sister came from me and that she belonged with us. One of my major reasons for a hb. So in the end, even though she wasn't in the room, she felt barely any jealousy or bitterness that I can tell.

    You just do what you can do, right? Do you have the option of a 'birth attendant' just for her?
    ~Jordan~

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    Mega Poster mandora's Avatar
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    Yeah, my son is 2, and I know he won't care one way or the other if he's there and the birth wouldn't phase him at all. He'll probably yell and vocalize right along with me and think it's great fun. My daughter, I don't know... I'm hoping that my MIL will be in town and will want to hang out with her downstairs if she wants to escape. My parents would look after her, but would likely want to be at their own place and I don't want her to miss it all. Thanks for the BTDT.
    ~Manda~
    Married to Mark 05.25.07
    DD Stella Gabrielle - 12.31.07
    DS Sebastien David - 01.06.09
    DD Selene 'Lilu' Katherine Alice 03.16.11



    Homebirthing, breastfeeding, attachment parenting momma

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    Posting Addict gardenbug's Avatar
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    With the older one (11), he was prepared with talks and videos and books. He was asked to keep quiet and calm and ask any questions he wanted to the friend who was there. This close family friend (male) was there to hug or talk or play things by ear.
    The 16 month old was just around as she chose to be. When baby number three arrived (quickly!) all worked very well indeed. No child HAD to stay around, but they all chose to...even the dog.
    The 11 year old cut the cord, the 16 month old gave kisses and all went very well indeed.

    Last edited by gardenbug; 01-03-2011 at 08:53 PM. Reason: corrected photos gone crazy...
    Leo (3 1/2) with Malcolm the cat

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    Posting Addict mujul79's Avatar
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    I had my 2 at mt last natural hosptail birth. My MIL was with them and Tessa did awesome she was so helpful and wanted to hold my hand when I had a contraction and would just tell me "it's ok mommy the baby is comming" It still melts my hart. Peter was happy to watch and bring me water but stay back and ask questions. But when it came time to push he asked to go in another room because he did not like the sounds I was making. MIL took both of them because I had no one else in the room for Tessa. Next time I will like to have one for each of them so if Tessa wants to stay for the entire birth she can. She was 26 months at the time and Peter was 4. Both where back in the room before he was5 min old but had to be taken back out when he was an hour old when they could not get me to stop bleeding and blood was covering everything and I was so sick. Even that was not to bad it helpped when I was on bed rest after to explane just how sick I was and why they had to be gentel with me.

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    Posting Addict jolly11sd's Avatar
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    We talked with our 5 year old DS about it and how it would look/sound, viewed some youtube, and read Welcome With Love -by Jenni Overend and Julie Vivas each night. On the day(s) he was more happy being out of the room and just coming to check on me to connect every now & again. We transferred while he was sleeping so he missed 'the end' and was really bummed he missed it. He is a pretty sensitive kid but all the loud noises at times didn't bother him since we talked a lot about how it would be and how I might feel & act at different times.
    ~Joy~ DS1-8/5/05, DS2-10/18/10 (VBAC#1), DS3- 4/11/12 (VBAC#2!)


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    Mega Poster mandora's Avatar
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    Thanks you guys - I guess we'll just plan on letting her come and go as she wants.
    ~Manda~
    Married to Mark 05.25.07
    DD Stella Gabrielle - 12.31.07
    DS Sebastien David - 01.06.09
    DD Selene 'Lilu' Katherine Alice 03.16.11



    Homebirthing, breastfeeding, attachment parenting momma

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    Mega Poster Shummel's Avatar
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    Great thread! Thanks for all the advice! I really want my 5 year old to be there and have been prepping him as I can. He loves the movie Business of Being Born and loves to watch the births on Youtube - but he says he doesn't want to "watch our baby coming out".

    I'm birthing in a birthing center. I'm thinking about hiring a sitter or getting my MIL to be an exclusive attendant for him. The birthing center has a waiting room in the center with the birthing rooms all around. I'd love to just have him there in the waiting room with some toys and movies and let him come and go as he wants. Even if he's not in there for the actual moment, at least he'll be able to come in right away once she's born.

    I really think I'll want both my kids with me at the same time
    Sarah and Dave, married April 8, 2000
    DS David Anthony July 14, 2005
    DD Teresa Joy "Rese" February 11, 2011

    My February Space


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    I've just been showing DS birth videos on youtube, which he loves. He really wants to get in the tub with me and I made sure to ask today at my appt with the birth center if he could and they said of course So that's exciting.

    We showed him pictures of his birth and now he thinks that my face is going to hurt when the baby comes - there is a photo of me with my hand over my face and so now that's what he thinks! We just tell him that mama may make some noise and scream, but it'll be ok and sometimes that can happen, but daddy and the midwife and the nurse will be there to take care of mama. He's 2.5 so I'm not quite sure he understands, but I figure the more information, the better!

    He will have a designated person for him at the birth center. Actually he'll probably have two...MIL will be in charge of bringing him to and from the center, if necessary. But MIL is not allowed in my birth room, so either my cousin, mom, or SIL who may all be there will take over from there.

    I think it's important to show some of the "scarier" videos of the mom's screaming, making noise, etc. Every labor/birth is different and although I would like to not be as vocal as I was last time, I may, so I want him to know that sometimes the mom's make loud, scary noises.

    we'll see....we can only prepare so much and then deal with what comes, right?
    Me 33
    DH 32
    Angel babies 9/06 & 3/07
    DS born June 11, 2008
    DD born February 11, 2011
    Miss Blue Eyes

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