Processing the birth
Hi ladies! I'm sorry I dropped off the planet, Alice had the colic until a month ago and I am finally starting to get the hang of things.
I'm still processing her birth, which surprises me. Nothing bad happened, it was a great birth and I couldn't have asked for a better support team. I got what I wanted. But there are still things that I am running through my head and dealing with.
The pain is one thing. Looking back on it, I'm realizing it was above and beyond what a lot of women experience in birth. It was like my body was crushing itself from my ribs down to my knees. My belly, back, hips, vagina, butt and thighs all felt immense crushing pain. I'm amazed that I didn't buckle, that I actually did a natural birth with that kind of pain. If I have another baby I will be going to a chiropractor til the end though. The pain in my legs and hips are an ongoing issue that was made 10X worse in labor.
I wish I had been in better shape for the labor. I could barely stand between contractions during active labor, mostly I lay in bed on my side.
I am absolutely terrified at this point of going through that again. Even though it was the most strengthening experience of my life.
Can anyone relate?
I didn't really have the same experience as you... but, I can relate to the fact that even though I had a really lovely birth that I was overall very pleased with, there are some parts of it that I was still processing for months afterward. And actually, although I would not say that my pain was like what you described, it was the way I handled the pain I had (only during pushing) that is what sticks with me/needs processing.
It's great that you're here and talking about it though... at least, I know for me, this is a great way of processing. I hope it helps you to feel better!
Did you have a very fast labor? Or did you dilate really quickly at the end? When dilation happens really fast it can be really hard. I had that happen to me with DS, my labor got really intense at the end and I think it was harder than what most women have to go through, but at least it didn't last long. I felt like my entire body was being squashed in a vice grip over and over. If I'm honest, the only thing that kept me from asking for pain meds was that I knew I was dilating very quickly and I knew it would be over by the time they kicked in. And I am definitely pro-natural birth. I felt totally paralyzed by the contractions and didn't have time to move or do anything in between, so I can relate to that. For the last 1.5 hours I just laid on my side and didn't budge. If your contractions are right on top of one another and are that intense, there's not much you can do but just lie there and let them happen! I got my natural birth and had great support too, but definitely felt a little shell shocked afterward and it took me a loooonnnggg time to process it and not be scared of going through it again. Sounds like you have some pre-existing pain things going on that didn't help. But the good news is every birth is different and just because you had that happen this time doesn't mean it will happen next time. Anyway, I think it is totally normal to still be processing a birth long after it happened.
Thank you for the support and understanding. :)
It wasn't a super fast labor. I was at 3cm at 3am, that is when I went into active labor. I don't know when I was checked after that but I was 5cm and 7cm. I started groaning and pushing in the shower about half an hour after I was checked at 7cm. I was pulled out of the shower and checked and was at 8cm. The midwife helped me breathe through some more contractions and then I started pushing at about 8:40. Dd was born at 9:02am. My water didn't break until I was pushing, my midwife broke it b/c I couldn't push the baby out.
So I guess I had the contractions of a really fast labor, but it lasted 6 hours. When I think about it I can't believe that was me. That I did that. It is so surreal.