Questions about spacing between children

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Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368
Questions about spacing between children

Obviously, this is mostly for BTDT moms, but, certainly, anyone can answer with their thoughts!

1) How far apart did you space your children?

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one?

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different?

My daughter is only 4 mos old, and I am feeling itchy wanting another baby...or at least to be pregnant again. I read people's lodges and I get so clucky it's ridiculous. But I feel very torn- on the one hand, I feel like I need to wait for the sake of my body and for the sake of Beni getting enough attention as a baby... but then, I also think how cool it would be for them to be close in age, etc...

I think we're pretty much thinking of holding off until she's a year old at least (by then DH should also have a new job, so we'll know that we have financial stability in our future as well), but, I would love to hear other people's answers!

AmberC727's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 226

We started trying for #2 when Evan was a year old. It took us 14 months to conceive her though, so by the time she's born, they will be 3 years (35 months to be exact) apart. I am really happy with the age difference because Evan has been so much easier now that he's older and doesn't require as much from me as he would have if I would have gotten pregnant right away. Of course, I'll have absolutely no idea what life will be like once she gets here.

gardenbug's picture
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

Our two children are exactly 5 years apart. This was not the way things were supposed to go. ( a miscarriage between them and some inoculations that prevented me from TTC) I think it turned out very well indeed. (You'll need to ask Sarahsunshine how she feels about it now!) I think they are closer than I am with my sibs, and we are 2 and 4 years apart. My mother had always half jokingly said to space them at least 4 years apart so as to be able to afford university for them.

Sarah's Ivy and the new September baby are already referred to as "the twins".:D I think it will be tough, but I think these two may very well be quite close. Their big brother (11) loves babies and there has been very little trouble with jealousy.

A friend of mine had her two children very close together. (11 months apart) This was deliberate. She really was not fond of babies and was eager to have children to take camping, so she wanted to get the diaper stage over with quickly. It worked well!

So there are all sorts of spacing possibilities and reasons for them, but when it comes down to it, each situation is unique! Then again, as DH puts it, practice is fun too. Wink

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

1) How far apart did you space your children?
My kids are all close in age. My oldest turned 5 two weeks before my fourth was born!

#1 and #2 are just under 15 months apart
#2 and #3 are 23 months apart
#3 and #4 are also 23 months apart

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one?

Well, #2 was a surprise. But, for the others we planned a two year spacing.

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different?

I'm glad we had our family close together and wouldn't change a thing! Even the spacing of the first two. They are best of friends and play so well together (they fight too, of course, but don't all siblings?)

Every once in a while, I think about having one more (and my baby is even younger than yours!). If we do, it will be soon - like within the next year or so. I've had healthy pregnancies and easy deliveries, and never felt like I needed to "recover" from pregnancy. Some people do though, my best friend has two who are 14 months apart and she really felt it was too soon for her body.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

"kris_w" wrote:

Every once in a while, I think about having one more (and my baby is even younger than yours!). If we do, it will be soon - like within the next year or so. I've had healthy pregnancies and easy deliveries, and never felt like I needed to "recover" from pregnancy. Some people do though, my best friend has two who are 14 months apart and she really felt it was too soon for her body.

The truth is I don't really feel like I need to recover from pregnancy either. I feel good, except that I didn't move enough while I was pregnant and ate WAY too much after Beni was born (my DH had to go back to Africa when Beni was 2 weeks, and was gone for 6 weeks. I'm an emotional eater, and ate the weight of my loneliness in chocolate covered pretzels), so I am still very much overweight (still 18lbs over pre-pg weight, a good 40lbs over my ideal). But I just finally started exercising again, and am already feeling better overall. But I worry that my body needs time in ways that I can't feel- do you know what I mean? Like to rebuild stores of stuff or something? I don't know... Smile

krazykat's picture
Joined: 08/11/07
Posts: 1143

We were JLIH, but due to deployments and an early miscarriage, we did not get pregnant with this baby until DD was 12 months old (he came home when she was 6 months, so it really didn't take us long at all). I am happy with the spacing so far. She is now 20 months old and this baby is getting ready to come. We are going to JLIH with the next baby as well, but I have to say, I am a little hopeful that I can conceive again while he is home on mid-tour (end of November). And then hopefully he will be able to be here for the birth.

We have talked about having a very large family and then at times we have talked about the next baby being the deciding factor. We'll just have to see. I have definitely wanted them all back to back though if possible. There for a while I wasn't even sure we would ever get pregnant with DD, so I am not a big fan of going back on BC just yet, and DH is on board with that.

Only you know what's right mama!! What does your DH think?

MamaArty_RMT's picture
Joined: 11/09/05
Posts: 805

I want to wait until ds is 3 to TTC#2 so that they will be almost 4 years apart. The baby stage is very hard on me, and I don't want to deal with double the load. There are a lot of moms on my bb who had #2 around the time our first all turned 2, and they all talk about how hard it is having a toddler and a newborn to take care of. Something to consider.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

My first two are 13 months apart, then 26 months between #2 and #3.

We did not plan to have our first two quite that close.......we were thinking more like 20-24 months, but I found out I was pregnant, (though EBF) when DS was only 4 months old. They are best friends. I have had three easy and uneventful pregnancies. I got PG the first month of not protecting (or, not trying, in the case of #2) with each kid.

I love having them so close, but will say that it absolutely presents challenges. I very much mourned the loss of my breastfeeding relationship with #1 due to my pregnancy with #2 (around 10 months). While an older child can nurse for comfort (as my #2 did until about week 23 of my pregnancy with #3, she was 22 months old at that time), a younger child can not, they need the nourishment, and when you lose your milk you will have little choice but to resort to formula, barring a humongous stash of BM in your freezer. It can be very isolating having them close together ~ while all of your friends are out walking in the park or having playdates or moonbouncing or whatever, you are giving birth or nursing a newborn round the clock. There can be a lot of guilt involved (i.e feeling as though you are cheating your kids out of as much attention/interaction as possible ~ It is a simple fact that with more spacing each child gets more individual attention). I think that (from witnessing my friends and these birth boards for many years now) many people want to recapture the "magic" of their first pregnancy/delivery with another pregnancy. And there is absolutely, no doubt, magic in every.single pregnancy and birth...but it is very different. I could go on and on about how different it is, but it is probably something that we all have to experience for ourselves.

Could I do it again I don't know that I would change a thing....because that would mean that my children would not be my children! But I will say that if I did not have a great support system of family, a DH who works from home, a ton of helpful, SAHM friends, an incredible gym with kids activities/pools and childcare so that I can work out, I might lose my mind. Literally. I love my kids. I have easy pregnancies. I have healthy and easy kids, free of issues. Nursing is a breeze for me........but it is no joke having 3 kids in 3 years (for us it is actually 3 kids in 3 years 3 mos). It can also take a tole on your relationship with your DH, the magic and wonder of simply staring at your first baby quickly becomes the reality of juggling two needy little souls at the same time, and without diligent and concerted effort (in the form of weekly nights out, or time away from the kids) it can impact your relationship. We are lucky to have the resources to guarantee us plenty of nights out or vacations, but I have seen the stress of super close spaced kids impact the relationship of several friends and their spouses.

Also, if your weight is an issue I would say take the time to get to the weight that you want to be at before you enter into another pregnancy. Carrying more weight just makes for a more difficult pregnancy and recovery.....and recovering/excercising when you have two tiny kids is way harder than just having one kid!

kridda_88's picture
Joined: 01/28/08
Posts: 1798

I got pregnant when DS1 was 10 months old. I would do it again hands down though. I love the spacing! Sounds crazy as they are only 19 months apart but honestly it's really not the difficult to handle and DS1 hasn't had any jealous issues with younger brother, which I see in a lot of siblings that are spaced further apart, and they are already acting like best of buds! I'm thinking of waiting till DS2 is a year old before trying again because I have milk supply issues as is and i'm sure getting pregnant while trying to nurse will kill my supply entirely and I really don't want to go to formula. At soonest we may try when DS2 is 11 months old. But DH is not even wanting to try for #3 next year at all. Sad But I know when it comes to this I will get my way. Smile

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

My DS just had a birthday so he and this LO will be 5 years 2 months apart. Ideally we would have like to have had them closer together but it just wasn't the right time for us to TTC until now. It will be nice now because DS is really into the idea of baby and is so independent. I also feel like I was able to give him 110% while he was very little. The bad side of it is that he is lonely. While we have friends and neighbors that he plays with there are times when its just him home with us and the last 2 years have shown how much he really needs that daily interaction with other children that is not always available. I was an only child growing in and remember being so board at times when I was little (not so much as I got older) so I feel bad for him. We will TTC #3 about 12 months after having this baby so I'll be curious to see how I feel about a shorter space between kids.

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

Ours are pretty much all two years apart. It is the way we planned and envisioned it, but it isn't without its own set of challenges.

DD1 & DD2 are 22 months
DD2 & DS1 are 21 months
DS1 & DD3 are 26 months

We love how close they are and that they play well together. We've never had any jealousy issues and they absolutely adore their siblings (not that they don't have their moments!) I will say that after our 4th baby in less than 6 years that I felt tired. I had easy pregnancies/births and got myself back into shape before falling preggo each time-- but this last go 'round I was just exhausted. I"m spending time now trying to restore my body, eating really well and getting some sleep (our babies don't sleep--likely bc I'm a total and complete sucker and nurse them all of the time....but so it goes...)

There are days when I feel "done" and others when I think I'd like just one more....we'll see.

Good luck with your decision!

Melychang's picture
Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 796

1) How far apart did you space your children?
DD#1 and #2 are 20 months and #2 and #3 will be between 21 and 22 months.

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one?
We started trying for #2 at about 10 months and after a year for #3

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different?
I really like the spacing between 1 and 2, we shall see how it goes with #3 here soon. I want a bigger family and dh is supportive of that but he since he is older than me he didn't want to be an older parent. This pregnancy came fast on the heels of an unexpected miscarriage that really took its tole (sp?) on me. This pregnancy has been harder emotionally and I wish I could have waited a bit longer to emotionally recover and we just started a new business and that has added stress. I think raising young children is incredibly hard work but full of rewards. It is at least for us hard on our marriage too. There are hard times but I do love the good times immensely and I wouldn't change our family at all. My mom told me once that this is the hardest time in my life and that has actually helped because I know things will get better. Sorry for rambling....good luck!

TyrantOfTheWeek's picture
Joined: 12/26/05
Posts: 1147

1) How far apart did you space your children?

#1 and #2 are exactly 2 years, 2 months, and 2 days apart...
#2 and #3 are 15 months apart
#3 and #4 are 2 years 3 months apart
#4 and #5 will be about 11.5 months apart

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one?

If by try, you mean have sex...yeah, I did that. A lot. Obviously.

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different?

Several times a day I feel like ripping my hair out, but I wouldn't change a thing Smile

cmljll's picture
Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 1409

1) How far apart did you space your children?
They are almost 29 months apart

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one?
18 months when we started talking about it, 19 months when we started TTC

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different?
Most of the time I think it's good. I had wanted to wait longer between them but it took over 2 years of TTC the first time and I was 32 when I had him. I didn't want to wait too long and lose the opportunity, plus we didn't know if we'd have TTC issues again. I got my BFP after 2 months of not-trying-not-preventing;)

Sometimes I think about having another but we're in a very small apartment, DS1 is a handful and may have some mental issues, DS2 still is pretty needy, and both pregnancies had their issues. So I think we're done but not sure.

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

18 months between ds1 and dd2

4 1/2 years between dd2 and ds3

So we had a short gap, and then a LOONG one! Smile THe short gap between one and two wasn't as bad as I envisioned, nor as bad as people said it would be. At least at first. It took a good 4 years for dd2 to start saying 'no' to ds1, at which time they started to squabble. That was just in time for #3 to come along. So the spacing there was long because we took a long time to decide whether we wanted 2 or 3. I actually got pregnant month 1 after we decided. I do find that 4 1/2 years is a little long.. yes the older two adore their little brother and help out alot, but I don't know how truly close they'll ever be to him. They're like from different worlds... But I wouldn't change any of it even if I could.. I think we get the children we're meant to have! Smile

Best of luck to you on your decision..

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"Marite13" wrote:

The truth is I don't really feel like I need to recover from pregnancy either. I feel good, except that I didn't move enough while I was pregnant and ate WAY too much after Beni was born (my DH had to go back to Africa when Beni was 2 weeks, and was gone for 6 weeks. I'm an emotional eater, and ate the weight of my loneliness in chocolate covered pretzels), so I am still very much overweight (still 18lbs over pre-pg weight, a good 40lbs over my ideal). But I just finally started exercising again, and am already feeling better overall. But I worry that my body needs time in ways that I can't feel- do you know what I mean? Like to rebuild stores of stuff or something? I don't know... Smile

I think there is something to that, especially if you were anemic or had issues in your pregnancy. Obviously it totally depends on the person. And getting back to your pre-pregnancy weight is nice... I don't know that it helps with the pregnancy, but it certainly makes you feel better and like you got your body back. I've been fortunate in not gaining much during pregnancy and quickly returning to pre-preg weight... Now if only I could do something about those pesky 40lbs I've from my own emotional eating Sad

You'll know when you are ready!

emansmom's picture
Joined: 03/24/09
Posts: 752

Mine are 2 years 4 days apart and I LOVE that spacing! Of course I have nothing to compare it to:D Like you I had the itch to have #2 almost right away but I knew that I needed to wait until at least a year to make sure my milk supply would not be affected and my son could get only BM. My body also wasn't going to allow me to be pregnant, I didn't get AF back until just before my son turned 15 months old. I got pregnant with #2 that cycle!
I again have the itch to pregnant!! Like you I LOVE pregnancy and birth. I think about being pregnant again everyday. But I know that I need to make sure I at least give #2 a full year of BM without the worry of having to supplement due to pregnancy making my supply tank. My milk dried up when I was 15ish weeks pregnant, luckily my son was 18 months old so although I was sad at least it wasn't his sole source of nutrition.

gardenbug's picture
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

Melynda brings up a very important point:

I think raising young children is incredibly hard work but full of rewards. It is at least for us hard on our marriage too. There are hard times but I do love the good times immensely and I wouldn't change our family at all.

Although Daddies generally adore their babies and are caring and proud of them, they can find it difficult in terms of the focus on the kids and away from the marriage as they see things. So the toll on the marriage is a very important consideration. Having young babies can mean very little time away from home, fewer activities, less couple time, less time for Mommy to grow in other ways. (take courses, travel, be involved in sports, enjoy a career, etc....) So spacing the children with personal growth and couple time is something to keep in mind. IMHO

Several of my friends used to schedule marriage retreats periodically to ensure that their partners were on the same emotional page as time passed.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Christopher is now 3.5. We started trying when he was around 18 months, but it took quite a while to get pregnant with #2 (just like it did with #1). We wanted them a little closer together, but now that all is said and done, I am happy to have a big boy who can be excited about the new baby and is to the point of being proud of being able to do a lot for himself (potty trained, can eat his own food without help, can get himself dressed as long as you don't mind that the underpants may be on backwards and the shoes end up on the wrong feet occasionally), etc. I hope this will mean that I can spend more time playing with him and snuggling with him when we get some one on one time, rather than it always being about the getting ready, feeding/changing/bathing, etc. Of course, I am sure there will be some regression when the new baby comes, but we'll get through it.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

Thanks everyone! I haven't gotten my period back yet- so who knows when my body will be up for the next baby. Also, thanks for making the point about the milk supply. My baby hasn't ever even had a bottle, much less formula- I am very committed to breastfeeding as long as possible, so that reaffirms my thoughts on waiting until Beni is a year old. That is very important!

Now, a question though... when women tandem BF, is that because the older child re-starts after mom's new milk comes in, or, do some women get lucky enough not to have their milk dry up?

Joined: 01/18/06
Posts: 1626

Our babies are 2 years, 1 month apart. It is tough yes, at times. But I wouldn't change it. I knew I wanted siblings close in age. I had baby fever early on after Violet was born. Nothing was going to settle it til I got pregnant again. lol. So, DH and I have an understanding that we'll commit to this bootcamp and we'll be out of it before we know it.

Now, thinking that we are probably done having babies, I'm glad we had them so close and wouldn't change a thing.

As for the tandem nursing. Violet nursed the entire pregnancy and my milk did still dry up by about the second tri. She kept going though faithfully and was well rewarded when my milk came in the day after Fifi was born. haha. I remember her huge eyes and expression of pure joy when she popped off my breast and said, "Oh Mummy! MILK!!!" I'm not sure when she'll wean. She's still going strong. As long as I'm nursing one might as well nurse two. No biggie for me.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

Jordan, she kept nursing even though there was no milk coming out??? Wow.

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

1) How far apart did you space your children? My first two are just shy of 21 months apart, my second two are a little over 3.5 years apart (3 years almost 8 months)

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one? We didn't really decide to try Lol She was 13 months when I found out I was pregnant. With our second we decided to try right before she turned 3, the month we got pregnant was actually her birthday month. I got pregnant 5 days before she turned 3 Lol

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different? Well I wouldn't have it any other way now
Having the first two was rough. They are still babies until they are 2 IMO and they need all the attention and help a baby needs. They need their food cut up and help doing just about everything. Plus you have to worry about them getting into things since they are physically able to do a lot of things that they are not mentally capable of understanding the dangers of. The pregnancy with an active toddler was rough. Bringing a new baby home was VERY rough. A baby under 2 cannot understand what getting a sibling means until it happens. We tried to tell her there was a baby in my tummy but she had NO idea what that meant. We were actually lucky that our first chose to just ignore that we had a baby around after the excitement wore off rather than become aggressive towards the baby. I still had to worry about leaving the baby alone anywhere though. And rather than become aggressive towards the baby my first just chose to act out in any way she knew would get attention. There was a lot of guilt on my end that we 'made her' grow up too fast. I do think part of it was PPD, and part of it was that my dh works very long hours so he wasn't a whole lot of help. I got mastitis at 2 weeks pp and was basically bedridden and had nobody to help me care for a newborn and a 21 month old and dh could not take off work. I will say, I do like how close they are now. That doesn't mean they don't fight like cats and dogs Lol but when they are not fighting they are very close. My oldest doesn't remember not having a sibling, which is kind of nice too. When we had our third it was like night and day. I felt like the kids were a lot more involved and interested in the pregnancy. Even our 3 year old understood that we were getting a baby and bringing him home to live with us (though occasionally she still tells me she thinks we got the wrong baby and can we bring him back and get a girl Lol but she's really nice to him and he just adores her) The older two were much more independant and even on things they need my help with they understand they might have to wait a little bit if I'm changing or feeding their brother. My oldest has been an immense help since she can get drinks or snacks for her and her sister if I need her to.
We don't plan on another but I'd be torn on what to do if we had a 4th. On one hand it'd be nice for him to have someone close in age like his sisters do, and I think I'd feel a little more confident in having two close in age since I have older more independant kids to help if needed even if it's just as a distraction so I can feed a baby. I think it'd be different if someone had a lot of help. We live close to family but none of them are the helpful type. Even after #3 my MIL came to 'help' and wanted to hold the baby a lot of the time...she actually even commented on how I hadn't folded my laundry...okay now I'm just ranting Lol

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

I don't personally know of anyone who has maintained milk through their entire pregnancy. Both times I was nursing and pregnant I lost my supply between 20 and 24 weeks. No big deal for an older child who is nursing for comfort (DD continued to nurse after my milk was gone, until she was ready to be done) , but it is very hard to keep a young baby looking for sustenance on the breast once there is no milk there, especially for the 20 some weeks till the baby arrives and milk comes back in.

I'm acutely jealous of people whose fertility remains at bay while they are nursing. My newby just turned 3 months yesterday, is a giant beast of a 20 lb, breast fed baby, and I just got my period. It blows.

led082607's picture
Joined: 11/17/06
Posts: 47

Hi! Hope you don't mind me jumping in!

1) How far apart did you space your children?

#1 and #2 are 2 years 5 months apart
#2 and #3 will be 13 months apart

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one?

My son was 17 months when we started trying for #2. It took about 5-6 months for us to get pregnant. My daughter was 4 months old when I got pregnant with #3, but it was not planned and a complete surprise.

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different?

2.5 years for us was great spacing. We were aiming for 2-2.5 years, so it worked out well. Not sure how the 13 month spacing will be! I'll let you know! I'm nervous and I know it will be a lot of work, but I'm sure I will love having the two so close in age.

One thing that I really struggled with was the breastfeeding. I was exclusively breastfeeding my daughter when I found out I was pregnant and I quickly noticed my supply dip. I work, so I pump at work, and my supply was going down weekly. I tried my hardest to continue breastfeeding, but when we had her 6 month appointment and we learned that she didn't gain any weight from 4-6 months, I knew I needed to make a decision. We supplemented after nursing, but that only worked for so long. She started preferring the bottle and was not content nursing anymore since she wasn't getting much. It was very hard for me because I really wanted to breastfeed until she self-weaned. I made the decision to switch to formula and it was hard, but it was definitely for the best. She is doing much better and gaining weight like crazy! Now I feel guilty for breastfeeding her and not knowing she wasn't getting enough food!

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Laurie I felt the same way ~ and though it so wasn't what I had planned I felt acutely grateful to have formula Smile Sometimes life throws you curveballs and all we can do is our best, you know?

I will say that 13 months was easier than 26 months in many ways. ZERO sibling jealousy. Baby #1 is still immobile for your first trimester which is nice when your energy is low. All of your maternity clothes are still very much in fashion. It is much easier carrying around a lighter baby than a heavy toddler when you are big and round. My two are literally best friends, they do everything together. Days where I don't feel like arranging playdates they have a built in playmate! They will ride the bus together, have common friends, be interested in the same activities at the same time, and so forth. Despite all of the hard work, I do absolutely love my little almost irish twins and the special relationship that they have. Good luck to you!!!

awini8's picture
Joined: 10/21/06
Posts: 386

DS 1 and DS2 are 24 mos. apart. Their birthdays are 1 week apart. I exclusively BF DS 1 and pumped while at work so I didn't get my period back until I got pregnant with DS 2. I think it was 2 cycles before I was pregnant. I was ready to try before my period came back, but I did not cut back on nursing my period and fertility just came back on their own.

It is hard having a toddler and a newborn especially when your LOs have horrible reflux and scream all day. We are dealing with that once again, which makes things hard on everyone.

Timing for # 3 for us will be mostly a financial decision. I love that my boys are close in age. If we could afford to have another right away when my fertility comes back I would be game. DH however does want that time for finances and our relationship. LOs are taxing on a relationship. We plan to wait at least until DS 2 is 3 before having another.

led082607's picture
Joined: 11/17/06
Posts: 47

"Potter75" wrote:

Laurie I felt the same way ~ and though it so wasn't what I had planned I felt acutely grateful to have formula Smile Sometimes life throws you curveballs and all we can do is our best, you know?

I will say that 13 months was easier than 26 months in many ways. ZERO sibling jealousy. Baby #1 is still immobile for your first trimester which is nice when your energy is low. All of your maternity clothes are still very much in fashion. It is much easier carrying around a lighter baby than a heavy toddler when you are big and round. My two are literally best friends, they do everything together. Days where I don't feel like arranging playdates they have a built in playmate! They will ride the bus together, have common friends, be interested in the same activities at the same time, and so forth. Despite all of the hard work, I do absolutely love my little almost irish twins and the special relationship that they have. Good luck to you!!!

Thanks for sharing your experience! At first, I was just devastated. I felt guilty for my daughter, I didn't know what we were going to do and felt so helpless. But now, I am very much excited about having them close together. I think it's going to be great! I do love how easy my daughter is to take care of while being pregnant! She isn't crawling yet and she is generally a very easy baby to begin with. My son on the other hand.... Smile

ambie719's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 811

:lurk: Hope you don't mind a lurkers input Smile

1) How far apart did you space your children?
I just gave birth to DS2 and our boys are 16 months apart

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one?
Just before I gave birth to DS1, DH joined the military. He had to go to basic training for 3 months when DS was only 3 months old. We decided that we would start TTC #2 when he got back and DS was 6 months old. We were JLIH since I was still BFing and hadn't had AF yet, and I had a previous m/c so I was worried about that happening again. DH got home at the beginning of Nov and we got our BFP Dec. 10.

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different?
I think probably the same, but DH has been off since DS2 was born, so ask me again in a couple weeks once he's gone back to work and I've been home alone with both of them :). I also didn't feel like I had to recover from being pregnant, but boy did I feel it once I was pg again! This pregnancy was a lot harder on my body, and I do think its probably due to them being so close together. We have always planned on a #3 and have discussed most likely TTC again around DS2's 1st bday, so still pretty close, but giving myself a little more time. I'd like to get to 1 year of BFing this time around, we started supplementing shortly after I got pg this time.

Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 621

We started TTC when DS was 10 months old. We tried for 6 months. DS was nursing a lot still and even though I was O'ing and timing perfectly, no bfp. Now, looking back, it was a blessing for us not to get pg then. DS was a great baby, toddler and now starting to be a little boy. But had we had a newborn before he was two would have pushed me over the edge (not really, we obviously would have coped, but I'm glad things worked out the way they did)

I really enjoyed the time between 1 year and 18 months with DS and if I were pg and sick (like I was with both pg's) I would not have enjoyed it so much. And now, with the explosion in vocabulary and communication, it's awesome that by the time this baby comes, DS and I will have developed a great communication between us. He'll be a little older but still close enough in age I think. I wanted, ideally, to have children no more than 3 years apart, but we weren't trying for this newest one! Just happened to work out!

DS will be 32ish months when the new baby arrives.

DS weaned just shy of 2 years old. DH and I just talked about if he would try to nurse again when baby comes. I will definitely let him. I always wanted to tandem nurse because I feel that would allow the older child to feel part of the bonding time. We'll see....I've read that many older children ask to nurse, but when allowed to, they don't want to...they just want to see if you'll allow them Smile

MrsMangoBabe's picture
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276

1) How far apart did you space your children?

DD and DS are 25 months apart.

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one?

DD was about 11 months when we decided to JLIH. We were actually on a trip and forgot condoms, so we just threw caution to the wind and then just didn't use any birth control from that point on. I didn't get pregnant until about 5 months later when DD and I cut down to nursing only 2 times a day, and I think the decrease in frequency of BFing is probably what allowed me to get pregnant. I didn't know for sure that I would concieve doing JLIH because I was diagnosed with a mild case of PCOS and concieved DD while taking metformin (I don't think I have PCOS anymore--I'm not sure the diagnosis was accurate in the first place). I would have probably waited until DD was 2 before getting a prescription for metformin again (and I'm so glad I didn't have to take it again!)

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different?

I'm pretty happy with the spacing. I didn't want to tandem nurse, so I was glad I was able to wean when pregnant and still nurse DD for almost 19 months. I think DH would be all for natural child spacing, but I feel like I don't want to start thinking about another baby while I still HAVE a baby--once they start transitioning to toddlerhood, I'm more open to it. Before I got pregnant with DS I had to ask myself if I wanted to get pregnant because I wanted to have another baby or if it was because I wanted another chance to have the birth experience I wanted. I like that they are not farther apart because I think DD will not remember not having a sibling and she really loves him. Occasionally she gets mad because she doesn't get as much attention as she used to, but she has really adjusted great. DH always reminds me that the closer together we have kids, the faster we'll get all the kids who belong in our family here...don't know yet how many that is Smile

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

"MrsMangoBabe" wrote:

DH always reminds me that the closer together we have kids, the faster we'll get all the kids who belong in our family here...don't know yet how many that is Smile

Brittney- this is a great point- and I have to admit I feel the same way. The thing for me is, I was just shy of 30 when DD was born....I don't have years and years and years to have more kids. I mean, I know I'm not shriveling up or anything just yet, but, if I want 3 or 4 kids...time is a bit of an issue. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of a 3 or so year spacing- but, that means I could possibly delivering a 4th baby at 39/40, and I'm not sure I'm up for that! I would rather have 4 kids in 8 years (or less) for sure- but then, I really do want them all to have a very good go at breastfeeding.

Why couldn't I meet DH when I was 20 instead of 26?? Oh well...

Thanks again for your replies!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

1) How far apart did you space your children? How far apart we attempted to space them and how far apart they actually ended up being are two very different things, LOL! They are five years apart. Tiven really loves being the big sister, she reads books to Weston, catches him before he gets out the door, pushes his stroller while I carry groceries, feeds him Cheerios on long car rides. There is absolutely no jealousy, she understands that he's a baby and he can't wait, can't feed himself, can't put himself to sleep, etc. I really love it. Also, she's in school full-time now, so there's only one kid for DH to wrangle most of the day.

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one? I knew I was going to have another when I woke up from my c-section with Tiven, but I wanted to give her at least a full year of breastfeeding and I wanted to maximize my chances to VBAC so I went on the minipill until I got my first PPAF at 17 months. I was ready then, but DH wasn't, and since he's our SAHP I figured it was his call. He was finally ready when Tiven was 26 months, and then it took us 28 cycles to get pregnant with Weston.

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different? While I do love the spacing now, I wouldn't choose to do it again. I really wanted to get all the baby stuff out of the way, get the diapers & bottles & pumping at work out of my life & done with. I think a 3-year spread would have been good for us, not having two babies at the same time, but not too much time in between, and it's what we would have gotten if we'd gotten pregnant when we first TTC#2. Also, it's a good thing we're done because I'm 44 now and the odds of having another healthy pregnancy are getting slimmer & slimmer.

Joined: 09/02/05
Posts: 994

1) How far apart did you space your children?
#1 & #2--27 months
#2 & #3--26 months
#3 & #4--4 years 1 month
#4 & #5--16.5 months
#5 & #6--should be about 27 months

2) How old was your first (second, third) when you decided to try for the next one?
We always had a "plan" to start trying when they were about 18 months (did that with #2 and #3). When it came time to try for #4 when DS #3 was 18 months there was no way that I was ready...DS #3 was and still is quite hard. I was ready for another baby when DS #3 was 3 and a few months old. He was a little over 4 years old when DS #4 was born. Before DS #4 was even 6 weeks old I felt that there was another "waiting impatiently". We waited until he was 6 months old to start TTC. It took 2 cycles and I was pg with #5. I did have to stop bff #4 when he was 10 months old because it was making my joints hurt terribly bad (he went straight to whole milk). We started ttc #6 when DS #5 was 15 months because I wanted the last two to be close in age, however, I miscarried at 10 weeks. So now there will be a 27 month gap instead of 23 month.

3) What are your thoughts on the spacing now? Would you do it the same? different?
I really like the 2 year 3 month gap. My boys were all potty trained at 22 months so I didn't have to worry about changing two dipes. There wasn't much jealously when the new babys arrived and they were, for the most part, pretty independent. We needed the 4 year gap with DS #4 because #3 was challenging. It almost feels like we have two seperate families....the older family and the younger. I was worried about the 16 month spacing with the youngest two and it was a bit hard at first bfing a newborn and trying to care for a toddler as well. But now that they are a bit older I love that they are so close. They are such good friends. I do think that what spacing works for one person doesnt' work for another or even in the same family like mine. You definitely need to decide what is best for you and your family at this point in your life. I will say that I didn't have the chance to lose all of the baby weight between #4 & #5 and it didn't affect my pg negatively. Good luck deciding what to do!