Something hurtful my dh's father said to me this weekend

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Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380
Something hurtful my dh's father said to me this weekend

We were visiting family this weekend. The whole thing was hard for me because of the loss. But it was a fun trip. The kids were good and the weather was nice. It was nice to see all the family. But... dh's father said to me that when they found out I was pg they were worried about me because I am too old and that I shouldn't have any more kids and dh should get snipped. Sad Sigh!

eta - I am 38 years old Smile

DJMandyB's picture
Joined: 10/18/07
Posts: 68

:bigarmhug: Some people need to learn to shut their mouth.

jooniper's picture
Joined: 08/27/07
Posts: 780

Ridiculous. I'm sorry he said that. 38 is a very reasonable age to have children.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

Ditto Mandy. Shut up FIL! Hugs to you.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

Oh, that's just a totally unacceptable thing to say no matter what. I'm so sorry you had to hear it at all, but especially when you are already in a sensitive emotional place.

By the way my mom was 42 when she had my brother and it was just fine.

MrsMangoBabe's picture
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276

I'm sorry he said that. It was totally inappropriate. These decisions are private for you and your DH and none of his business. And I think 38 is not "too old" to have a baby at all!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Why do people feel the need to say stuff like that?? I am so sorry.

gardenbug's picture
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

I think that your FIL misspoke, but that you have to be forgiving. He is giving his point of view (unasked for at that) but likely from a caring place in his heart. He IS concerned for you. Certainly he has spoken to you at a very difficult time in your life, but I'm afraid that many people are like that. I'm willing to bet he has been outspoken to you and others at previous times too. Please don't bear a grudge! There's room for many opinions in this world....

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

Thanks ladies. He tends to be like that and I ususally just ignore him. I just didn't say anything back to him. It was still hurtful though. Some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth just makes me cringe.

I agree that there is room for other opinions. Like for example my husbands nephew who just graduated from high school has a son. The baby is 3 months old. They were feeding the baby apple juice. My husband asks me..."isn't 3 months too young for apple juice" and I said "yep". Dh says to his sister "isn't 3 months too young for apple juice". His sister (aka baby's grandma) says well the doc said it was ok because he gets constipated. In my head I said "well if she was breastfeeding the baby he wouldn't be constipated and you wouldn't have to give him juice before his little tummy is ready", but the difference is I didn't actually say that because that would have been hurtful and rude and to be honest I have no idea why she isn't breastfeeding. I wish he could learn manners and know when not to say something. His wife Jan seemed embarassed by the comment and said we should do what we want.

krazykat's picture
Joined: 08/11/07
Posts: 1143

I really hope he didn't mean to hurt you. Hopefully he was just grasping for something to say, and it all came out wrong.

I'm very sorry that it was upsetting and I can definitely understand why it hurt your feelings. I can't imagine what you are going through, and sometimes it is better to just be there supportively and say nothing at all. (((HUGS)))

kvo's picture
Joined: 12/18/06
Posts: 902's pretty inappropriate, but some parents do feel that it is completely within their right as "parents" to tell you things like that. My IL overstep their bounds too sometimes, but usually it is in their eyes, the "right" thing to do.

As for the juice thing......we were told to do diluted prune juice for infant constipation (just a couple oz at a time) and Zoe was exclusively breastfed. It did work and was much better than using a suppository.

faeriecurls's picture
Joined: 06/04/08
Posts: 790

I'm sorry your FIL said that to you! People really need a mute button sometimes!

OneLuckyScoop's picture
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 145

That's just awful what he said.. Sad

Melychang's picture
Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 796

That is so hurtful! Some people....