Yikes....vent

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Joined: 05/31/08
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Yikes....vent

So, DH and I decided not to get a doula this time because my first labor went pretty fast and we really didn't make much use of our doula, plus he feels like now that he's been through a birth with me once he can handle being my main support person. Plus, we'll have the midwife (who provides labor support and doesn't just show up to catch) and a nurse, and possibly my mom (which is another post...). HOWEVER, since we decided this, DH's work schedule has gotten INSANE and he literally has NO days off (not even weekends) and will be out of town a bunch starting now until a few days before our due date. :help1: I'm terrified of going early and being alone with my DS when it happens, especially if it's the middle of the night. What would I do?? I'm anticipating a 3-5 hour labor this time, and the hospital is 40 minutes away, so that doesn't leave much time for getting childcare for DS and finding someone to drive me to the hospital. My parents will be taking turns staying with us starting June 19, which is great, but there will be a day here and there when neither of them is here, and if we can't get our triple back-up babysitter to our house in time for whatever reason (I thought we had our problem solved when we lined up a friend of ours to be our emergency back-up childcare, until I started thinking about her life...she has 2 little kids of her own and works 2 jobs...what if her kids are sleeping and no one else is home? What if she's at work and can't just leave at the drop of a hat?), DS will have to come to the hospital with us I guess. I'm sure it will all work out somehow, but there are so many moving parts it is stressing me out worrying about all the ways things could go wrong and I could end up with an unplanned, unattended home or car birth with just my 3 y.o. DS there to catch the baby:rolleyes: :shock: I'm considering calling around to some doulas, but frankly I really don't feel like spending the $, there are so many other things I'd rather spend it on, and it is an outside chance that I will end up without help in labor.

Sweet Pea Twins's picture
Joined: 09/08/09
Posts: 922

Yikes is right!! Somehow, though, you've got to believe that things will all work out. I doubt that you would be completely alone for the birth with just your DS - it sounds like there are enough back-up backups that someone will be there to support you. Wink I don't have any constructive suggestions besides that, though. LOL

ftmom's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
Posts: 1538

I know exactly how you feel! Up until a few weeks ago, it looked like I was going to end up alone with the kids for a week before I was due. Thank goodness my MIL volunteered to come early and stay with us.
So I know how you feel. I am sure it will work out. My sister suggested to me that I could hire a teenager as a 'mothers helper' those days, so she would be there with me, play with the kids, do some light cleaning etc, but not have to pay the cost of daycare. Then you could give her a big bonus if you needed to leave DS with her and jet to the hospital. Might be nice to get a break those days too Smile As for middle of the night, I am sure your friend will be around, just figure out if you need to take DS to her, or if she can come to you on those days.

For me, the more of a plan I have, the better I feel Smile Even if you need to harass your friend and get her work schedule and everything for those days, as a friend pointed out to me, people dont mind helping you when you are pregnant or in labor, cause they know its not forever, so dont be afraid to be the nervous pregnant woman for a bit Smile

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

"Sweet Pea Twins" wrote:

Yikes is right!! Somehow, though, you've got to believe that things will all work out. I doubt that you would be completely alone for the birth with just your DS - it sounds like there are enough back-up backups that someone will be there to support you. Wink I don't have any constructive suggestions besides that, though. LOL

ITA with this, but of course I can also totally understand why it would be stressing you out! Just trust, I guess, that your body will know not to pick the one tiny window that would cause trouble, and even if it does...things will work out.

:openarms:

ETA Mother's helper is a great idea, if that's an option!

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

Stressful! I've put lots of thought into what I will do if I can't get a hold of DH... But, like someone else said, you've just got to plan as best as you can and then trust it will work out Smile

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

I'm not sure a doula is the answer, but I'd certainly think again about that decision in light of DH's new schedule. If you don't do that, then definitely make sure to have a backup plan, and a backup to the backup plan, in case DH is unavailable when you go into labor. Maybe a local teenager could watch DS until the "real" caretaker is available? If you're alone and it's the middle of the night, you call your two closest neighbors to stay with or take DS, and take you to the hospital. I'm a firm believer in the good neighbor/good human thing, I think it's highly unlikely that someone would say no in the moment even if they don't know you well. I didn't even know the names of the people who took Tiven when our building burned, I just knew she didn't need to be standing on the street with us all freaking out, although I'm not sure the Disney Channel was much better, LOL! Don't worry about DS tagging along to the hospital, it can be a great experience for a child to witness a sibling's birth! And even if he's not up for it, what are they gonna do, send you home to find a sitter? Make plans, but be prepared for them to change, that's the motto of motherhood!

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

I don't know what the answer is but I agree that people are generally good. I would not turn down anyone who said they were in labour and needed someone to watch their older child.

We dropped DD1 off at our neighbours at bedtime with about 1 minutes notice and no discussion. I felt horrible because they had a newborn and a 2 year old. We had just moved here from out of country a month earlier. she stayed overnight and things couldn't have gone better for her.

Joined: 05/31/08
Posts: 1131

Ugh I am in the midst of it now and it sucks. DH has been gone from 6 a.m.-8 p.m. every night this week. I know lots of people have had their DH gone completely for months of pregnancy, but I still hate it. Whine whine.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

"acqualin21" wrote:

Ugh I am in the midst of it now and it sucks. DH has been gone from 6 a.m.-8 p.m. every night this week. I know lots of people have had their DH gone completely for months of pregnancy, but I still hate it. Whine whine.

It sucks all the way around! Not having help is not having help. Sorry you're going through it now!

This thread made me wonder... what does happen if you just take your kid to the hospital with you? I mean, it's not like they will turn them away at the door, right? Anyone?

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"Marite13" wrote:

It sucks all the way around! Not having help is not having help. Sorry you're going through it now!

This thread made me wonder... what does happen if you just take your kid to the hospital with you? I mean, it's not like they will turn them away at the door, right? Anyone?

I work in on a maternity unit and it does happen occasionally. We always prefer they call someone to take the child, but sometimes it just isn't possible. Don't know anyone in town or things are just moving to quick and there isn't time... On our floor at least, the kids usually end up hanging out with the unit clerk at the desk coloring or something, if there is a free TV and room (we're also a peds unit) we'll put on a movie... We all just improvise... Babies come when they come!

(This happened to my friend with her 3rd. Her water broke while grocery shopping with her 2 little girls. She called her husband at work (about 30 minutes away) and started home to meet him, but quickly realized things were going way too fast, so she turned around and drove to the hospital instead. She was basically pushing by the time she was wheeled up the maternity, with her girls in tow!)

Illiana's picture
Joined: 09/29/05
Posts: 338

I think it depends on the hospital. The hospital I was signed up with had no problems with kids and actually asked if we wanted to bring older kids for the birth (which i would have)..

I was going to suggest looking around and see if there are any student doulas/midwives that would work for cheap/free to get births. There's a large group here that are working towards their midwifery degree and beginning it you get cert. as a doula but need so many births so around here there's no reason to not have one. maybe you could look into the birthing community near you (ask midwives etc.) Alot of times they'll also work on sliding scale or some sort of payment plan since we'd rather you have one than not even if it means even doing some sort of work trade (not all do, but most). So call around. Even if they don't they may know some that are.. Natural birthing communities are usually pretty tight knit groups.

IzzysMama's picture
Joined: 10/08/07
Posts: 119

If you want I can plan to be ready to leave at the drop of a hat... but, being 3 hours away, I may not be there in time anyway! Plus I have two more kids to add to the mix. Don't forget, though, that usually L&D nurses are great for labor support. My nurse this last time was a-MA-zing... for example when I was having my little panic attack she was the only one who managed to talk me down... by getting right in my face and yelling at me, LOL. Point being, even if you end up at the hospital alone somehow, other nurses can take care of DS and you will at the very least have your midwife and a nurse to support you until Brian gets there.

I had all the same concerns as you, but as it turned out, all my fussing was unwarranted.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

"Marite13" wrote:

It sucks all the way around! Not having help is not having help. Sorry you're going through it now!

This thread made me wonder... what does happen if you just take your kid to the hospital with you? I mean, it's not like they will turn them away at the door, right? Anyone?

I asked my friend who is a doctor at the hospital where I delivered both of my kids. She said they tag the older child & the dad, just as they tag mom & baby, so the kid can't leave L&D without the dad. If dad's not there, they tag whoever else is with mom; if mom is alone she said they'd probably tag the charge nurse. If mom doesn't want the kid in the room, or if the kid needs to leave, then the kid hangs out with the charge nurse. The waiting room has sleeper chairs and a TV & DVD player, and it's right near the main desk so the charge nurse can keep an eye out & can keep them from wandering around since they'd have to pass the desk to get anywhere. If someone can't come within about an hour, and if baby hasn't arrived yet, then they call for an available resident to come babysit. She said it doesn't happen very often, but everyone knows babies come when they come.