Welcome to your lodge!!
I'll be lurking!
Oh my goodness...I thought about this two days ago and then didn't get a chance to get back on here until today. I can't believe I am 36 weeks 1 day. Finally almost done. This pregnancy seemed to go a lot quicker though because I didn't even find out how far along I was until I was 16 weeks 5 days.
This is my fifth pregnancy and was an unexpected and unplanned surprise. My oldest is 9, then 6, then 4, then my youngest is almost 16 months old. So these last two are really close together...never had two this close before so it will definitely be a challenge.
DH wanted to be done after the last 4 and I wanted 2 more, but at least 1 more if I couldn't have 2. I was literally about to get my IUD put in after not having it for the past 9 months...ever since my baby was born we weren't using any protection cause I was breastfeeding and I honestly didn't think it would happen to me. I know that its possible but I never got any periods or anything.
So I was scheduled to get an IUD in the very next week and that Sunday morning I felt nauseated and didn't know why. So I had a thought and took a test not thinking it would be anything but negative. When the word PREGNANT showed up on the digital test I was absolutely shocked. My first thought was fear because I was so worried that DH would be angry...I mean I know it takes two, but he was serious about not having anymore. My second thought was that I was not ready physically yet. I hadn't been able to lose all the pregnancy weight from my last one yet so I was scared that I would be starting out unprepared in that area. I was in tears with cautious happiness cause I was truly happy to be getting at least one more baby, but so nervous about DH's reaction.
I didn't know how to tell him and was so nervous. I paced around for a bit, then finally went out to the kitchen where he was. I said "You will always love me, right? No matter what?" He said..."Of course." So I pulled him into the laundry room and pulled the test out of my bathrobe pocket and showed him. I was blown away by his response. He said "Really?!!" Then he said..."This is good news!" I immediately started crying and he hugged me. I told him I was so worried about what he would say. He said "This is obviously a blessing from God and meant to be." So thankfully all was well and he accepted it immediately.
I didn't get a chance to get my first doctor appointment in until two months later. I found out the day before Memorial day the end of May, and my appointment was July 31st. When I went in, we had to do an ultrasound also because I hadn't had any periods and there was no way to determine how far along I was without one. So at my ultrasound I got to see the baby and they told me I was 16 weeks 5 days already. So the fact that I didn't even know how far along I was until almost halfway made it go a lot faster. And I didn't tell anyone until I was around 22-23 weeks along...so people have only known for the past 13-14 weeks...and here I am almost done already.
I have done all my previous child births completely natural with no interventions except for the help of pitocin twice because once we needed to move things along, and once we had to induce because of everything going on at the time...but as far as pain meds go, nothing.
The first three were fairly manageable even though they were very painful, but I did it. This last one was the worst of them all. My baby had flipped to breech a few weeks before my due date and they told me that if he didn't flip back over we would have to do a c section. That stressed me out so much and the last month was torture for me to handle. Luckily my cousin is a midwife and she helped me do a manual version very low key and calmly one week before my appt. to have an actual manual version that was scheduled in the labor and delivery room. We were successful and he stayed head down the rest of the time. At my next appt. my midwife confirmed that he was now head down and we cancelled the manual version in the hospital. I went into labor on my own the next night.
He stayed head down but he was sunny side up and because of it it caused excruciating back labor and I had never had back labor before. It was pure hell for me. I actually asked for an epidural and I never thought I would do that. I was just giving up because the pain was so bad and we had been there for 3 1/2 hours (came in at an 8 and was still an 8 three hours later) and I was losing my will and steam to continue with no progress. Luckily my midwife came back in after leaving me to assist in a c section and stopped the anesthesiologist who was about to have me sign the papers, and she sent him away and brought me back down to reality. She told me to get on my hands and knees and that it would help get him to turn the right way and come down the rest of the and fully dilate me so I could start pushing. So about 20 minutes of that I was finally ready, and pushed him out in 9 minutes.
I was so happy after the fact that I didn't get the epidural but man that was tough while in the middle of it. I am so nervous about the possibility of having back labor again and praying that it is just regular front labor this time. I feel like front labor will be a walk in the park after dealing with back labor last time. I know it will still be hard but definitely more manageable for me.
This is getting long...I will finish up in another post.
DH and I had our 10 year wedding anniversary this past summer and we have had a lot of hard times with him finishing his masters while I was raising our first two kids on my own basically cause he was gone so much and so busy. But we got through it and life is pretty good now. We bought our first real house 4 years ago and have enough room and are happy in our neighborhood. DH has a good job and I get to be a stay at home mother which is what I always wanted to do, so I am very blessed that his job allows me to do that.
I teach my kids school at home and it is so rewarding to be able to teach them their education and also extra awesome that we can excel at their own levels/pace...they are very intelligent kids and because they learn so quickly I feel that learning in a public school classroom would hold them back, so this has been the best decision for us so far.
This past summer my mother moved in with us so she can recover better from her stroke that she had almost 2 years ago. The family dynamic with my parents and family is very tense and problematic and lots of drama right now. Dealing with all of that and taking care of my kids and my mother all throughout this pregnancy has been very hard on me, and I think because of that I have been blessed with a fairly easy pregnancy. I haven't had any complaints until very recently I have been feeling some aches and pains. I am very grateful that I haven't had much else to complain about.
Now I am trying to finish cleaning/organizing, getting ready to squeeze two babies into one room, getting the house ready for Christmas, getting Christmas presents ready, etc. Plus DH's brother is most likely coming to visit the week I am due which is awful for me and horrible timing. I wish he would not come but I can't very well tell him not to come, especially since one of Dh's brothers died this summer and he hasn't seen any of his family in years, so I know he misses his only other brother living in the states. I am praying he doesn't come or that at least it isn't so hard that I can't manage it, and also praying that I don't go into labor until after he leaves. Either that or have the baby a few weeks early so I am home and have dealt with the engorgment, etc. before he gets here. The topic of him coming that week has caused many an argument with DH and I am doing the best I can to just deal with it all. DH is from Africa and the cultural difference is huge and we just don't see eye to eye on visitors coming when I am due and recovering from a baby. Its very stressful and frustrating.
I have the bassinet set up at least, have the baby's clothes all washed and ready, have the blankets, bibs, and burp cloths clean and ready, and started packing the hospital bag last night. So I am slowly getting ready...have a lot to do still and want to have it all done by Christmas so I am not stressed the last week or two that I am pregnant. So we will see how much I can get done. Technically, I wanted to be ready by 37 weeks, so that gives me 6 more days. Then I can take the last 4 days before Christmas to get ready for Christmas and then hopefully just relax and enjoy the Christmas break with my kids before #5 arrives.
So that is a lot to read and thanks if you read it all. I could add so much more and go into greater detail about how DH and I met, all my previous births, etc. but I am sure no one has time to read all that. I am looking forward to sharing this last little bit of my journey with you and am so excited that I am finally almost able to meet my little one. Thanks for following my lodge.
Welcome to your lodge!
Do you know if this is a boy or girl? If not, do you have any guesses? Do you live in an area where preparing for a "winter baby" is a lot different than for a "summer baby"?
I'm sorry you're feeling stressed about your BIL coming right when you're due. That wouldn't be OK with me at all, unless he was the kind of person who would be helpful, play with the kids, make some dinners, do his own laundry, etc. I didn't want anyone around at all -- we had a two-week babymoon after each child was born -- but I also didn't have four other kids to manage! I hope you & DH figure out a way to make it work without it making too much work for you!
belated welcome to your lodge!!!
sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Are you planning on slowing down on the home school when baby arrives for a bit? Do you do year round school? I'd find your BIL coming then very difficult. Hopefully it goes smoother than you are thinking.
back labor does suck!!! I couldn't believe how much easier regular labor is when I had DD after DS being back labor the entire time. I hope you have #5 easily!
Thanks ladies for the welcome. Things are really tough right now...I will elaborate cause I really need some advice and support:
DH and I are not getting along right now. I don't really feel like calling him DH...that's how bad it is.
He is from Africa and because of that we have some big cultural differences...one of which is our apparent difference of opinion when it comes to family affairs/issues. He seems to think there is absolutely nothing wrong with his brother coming to visit the week I am due. I am not ok with it.
I don't normally have an issue with his brother coming to visit, although in the past it has caused arguments and things because of how his brother is and how long he would stay and be lazy and not do anything but sit around, not make an effort to get to know his nieces/nephews, expect us to wait on him, etc.
Well, this time around he has already requested off of work from December 30th-January 7th. I am due January 10th and all my kids have been 5-8 days early. I told hubby that its not about WHO is coming, but about when and the bad timing. I told him that I would feel the same way if it was one of my family members or friends. I would tell them that it is not ok and we can't have company during this time. I asked hubby how he would feel if he had a surgery or something big happen and then come home to heal and deal with changes, pain, etc...would he want one of my siblings visiting during that time or one of my friends?
I don't want my husband to have to split his precious little time off with hosting his brother and being there for me, spending time with me and our kids and our new baby. I don't want to have to be engorged and uncomfortable and tired and bleeding with a house guest that I don't really know that well. I don't want to feel obligated to have to cook fresh meals just cause he is here. I don't want to have to feel like I have to hide in my room because my engorged breasts are so big and swollen that I can't put on a bra and can't even walk around my own house because another man is here.
My husband says "I will handle the house and meals." But I know he won't be able to do that, host his brother, help me, help with the baby, handle our other 4 kids, etc. It is going to be extremely stressful and not ideal at all. I will feel obligated to step in and do things when I shouldn't have to. Plus my mother lives with us and she is not in shape or healthy after recovering from a stroke, so I have to try and help her also...even though she has it in her head that she is somehow going to help me...but I don't know how she can.
To make matters worse, his brother has been talking about his plans to come here after Christmas since this past summer and you would think that if that has been his plan he would be better prepared. He hasn't even bought his ticket yet. Are you kidding me? His visit is in like 10 days. He has been holding off trying to get a good deal and nothing is any cheaper this close to Christmas. He then asked my husband last night for some help getting his ticket saying he doesn't have enough and needs a loan to get out here. I am sorry but if you didn't plan accordingly and save your money, then that's too bad. But of course DH can't say no to any of his family members so he just wire transferred some money today. I just hope his brother is good for his word and pays him back like he says he will. So not only did he not have the money, but he doesn't even know what his plan is for sure on dates to be here...so DH just had to take time off on a whim not even knowing what days to go for.
It's all a big mess and extremely rude and inconsiderate of his brother to leave us hanging this close to the dates and not telling us what his plan is. DH is not thinking of me and my needs at all. He thinks there is no problem and that I am being SELFISH for putting up a fuss. I normally wouldn't mind his brother coming but the timing and my condition is the problem here and yet I am still being selfish for voicing how I feel. Am I wrong in my feelings or justified? Any time I try to explain to DH why I feel this way and why I am not thrilled about this, it caused a big fight and then we don't talk or get along for a while. Today was no exception. He sent the money today...money we don't have...and since I asked him about everything and tried to express myself he got all mad and now we aren't really talking. It is to the point where I just want to go deliver this baby without him when the time comes and tell him that he can stay home and hang out with his brother.
I have cried about this, stressed, lost sleep over it, etc. It is really upsetting me but I have no control and can't do anything because when he gets an idea in his head regarding his family, nothing will budge him. I feel like he is putting me, his pregnant wife, on the back burner and only caring about his brothers feeling. Never mine.
If you actually read all of this, thank you for letting me vent. Please give me some support, words of comfort or advice. I really need a good friend right now to talk to and feel like I can talk to no one. Help please...
Summers and winters are very different. Summers are hot, winters very cold...so I am pretty nervous about it all. I hope that I am prepared enough for the difference in season with this baby.
Yes we know what we are having...we kept it a secret for a while but just decided to share the news...we are having another girl! I am so excited. This will be our third girl...2 boys, and 3 girls.
I had my 37 week appointment today. My midwife checked the position of baby with their basic office ultrasound and confirmed that baby is still head down, thank goodness. I was nervous since my last baby flipped breech at 36 weeks and only turned after we did the manual version. So I am very grateful that baby is head down still.
My midwife said the baby's back indicates that baby is sunny side up though so she said to do daily hands and knees to get baby to turn to optimal position. Heartbeat was good and strong. My midwife also checked me and said that I am 1 centimeter dilated with a little extra and she even felt the baby's head through the membranes. That was exciting! So weird to think that she felt my baby already.
DH didn't ask about my appointment or the baby, most likely due to our "disagreement"...and that made me sad that he doesn't seem to care. I hope he does, but he doesn't act like it sometimes.
Other than the issues with him, I am doing ok...although this stress and last couple weeks of pregnancy is finally affecting my nights. I am getting numb legs when trying to sleep so I have to switch sides all night long and don't get a lot of sleep and having more aches and pains, but luckily that is just barely starting in the last week and hasn't been this way for a very long time.
Just have to take this next week to finish getting ready for Christmas/baby as much as I can and try not to let our marital issues affect me or the baby too much as I want to be at peace and be calm and let the baby feel those things and not feel anxiety or stress. Wish me luck!
awww hon, huge hugs!!! IMHO you are very justified in wanting it to just be your family, no extended family at all right around the baby's birth. I'm sorry you are dealing with this on top of having a baby. it sucks!!
Couple pieces of advice if you want them! If you don't just ignore!!!!
1. put together some simple meals that you can freeze now and just heat up later so you don't have to cook much later
2. listen to music that soothes you and take some time for yourself each day to calm your self and focus on you and the baby
3. work on coming to terms with his brother's visit. Since the plane ticket is already purchased he's coming and you'll have to figure out how to deal with it.
4. explain to your DH exactly how/what you expect him to do. ie: he's in charge of the older kids and doing the dishes if you deal with meals and your mom. etc...
5. relax, breathe deeply and know that in the end it will all be okay even if it's not ideal for your family.
Is there anyone your DH might listen to about how this isn't a good idea at this time? Would he listen to your pastor or a trusted neighbor or an older man from his work or a social group he belongs to? Yes, the tickets are bought, but they should be transferrable to a later date when you'll be up for company and someone really should tell him that that's what he needs to do.
If not, then is there anyone else you might be able to call on for help? Church members, moms from a homeschooling group, neighbors? Anyone who might be able to take the kids for a couple of hours or help your mom with something? Maybe even a local teenager who can help with laundry & housework under your supervision for a few dollars an hour? I know it's not easy to ask for help, but you are going to be overwhelmed and you are going to need help, and it really doesn't sound like your DH is going to be much help this time if his brother is around. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Why can't these men respect our Bubbles Of Peace????
Thank you so much both of you for your replies and advice/support. It means a lot. I will definitely take that advice and try to apply it to help the situation. I just wish my mom was healthier so she could step up big time and be that help that I will desperately need. It doesn't help me to have to worry about taking care of her also, when it should be the opposite way around.
And we just got more bad news yesterday...my mom's blood work came back and she tested positive for diabetes. We knew it was only a matter of time as she is so unhealthy but it is still sad and hard to face the reality.
This whole situation was made worse and is like pouring lemon juice on a paper cut when his brother asked us the other day to send him money to buy his own stupid ticket. Seriously? If you have had this trip in mind since summer don't you think you should be responsible and plan ahead and save up ahead of time? Not ask us to send money so you can come visit when its not even a good time anyway? Of course DH sent it to him with the understanding that he would be paid back the full amount when he is here visiting. I sure hope his brother doesn't flake and actually pays us back. Money has been so tight and is about to get tighter with hospital bills.
DH and I haven't really talked much since Wednesday and things are awkward. I want to make up with him but until he is ready to let go of our argument I can't force him. He is like a cat that way. If you pick up a cat and put them on your lap and they don't want it, they will jump right down. But if the cat thinks he wants to sit on your lap of his own free will he will sit there and let you hold him for hours. That is how DH is. Until he is ready, there is no point in trying to approach him.
We have to just agree to disagree and I have to do what is best for me and our kids in terms of handling my stress and anxiety over this situation. I need to focus on me and the kids and do what I need to do to get ready for the baby. I will let DH worry about his brother. If DH can't help me much after baby is born because of his brother then that will be heartbreaking. I am just praying that I don't have the baby until his brother is gone.
Normally I am all for having the baby a little early...especially since that is my history. Every child has been 5,6,7, or 8 days early. But this time around I am hoping the baby won't come until at least the 8th. I am counting on his brother leaving by the 7th as I believe he has to be back to work by the 8th...so that is what I am hoping for.
I am going to just let it go as much as I can. There is nothing that I can do now. I will continue getting ready for Christmas, finish baby prep, and try to relax and spend as much positive and quality time with the kids as I can before our lives our interrupted with a newborn. I will also continue my daily hands and knees so baby is in the optimal position. Hopefully DH will eventually come around and realize that I am not the one being ridiculous in my desires. He thinks I have something against his brother...when its not the person at all, its the timing and situation we are in. I hope one day he really gets it.
Until then, I will do what is best for me, the baby, and our kids and hope that he will get it eventually.
Officially 37 weeks today. I always love hitting this date in my pregnancies...it means that baby is full term and if born would most likely be ok without major problems. I just can't wait to meet her for the first time! Getting so excited about that.
I truly believe that we can communicate with our babies, and they with us, before they are born. I would suggest sitting down and having a little talk with your baby about how stressful the next couple of weeks will be, and how it will be easier on everyone, including her, if she stays in for a while. Tell her that she can come out any time after her uncle leaves. Doesn't hurt, might help. Maybe she's an obedient child already, LOL? Of course neither of mine listened to me when I asked them to come out, but I do believe Tiven told me that she needed me to go to the hospital when I did.
More hugs for you: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
I agree with Stacey - I told both of my kids they had to wait until a certain date. And what do you know, they both came the day after that day!!! Ethan had to wait until after June 20th, he was born the 21st. Olivia had to wait until after Dec 4th and she was born Dec 5th. They both came early too. 38w 4d and 38w 3d. crazy right?!
Yay for 37 weeks!!!! And it sounds like you are coming to terms with what you need to do for yourself and your kiddos.
Things are going better this weekend. DH and I are getting along and he is being nicer. Granted, it may be because we haven't talked about his brother, but at least we aren't fighting anymore. I am just going to be as optimistic about the situation as possible. I think talking to my baby about what is to come is a good idea. Who knows if it will work but its worth a shot.
I have been having way more Braxton hicks contractions the last couple days. I shoveled after a big snowstorm on Thursday for 3 hours. It was tough but I did it..very sore afterwards but exercise is always good.
Still need to do a lot before Christmas...wrapping presents, etc. Then after Christmas its final prep for the baby and get ready for company and hopefully some time with just me and the kids and relax time.
glad you are getting along better!
Have you named this baby yet? I see you have a "j" theme! Do you go in with lots of names or just one of each gender?
Yes we have a j theme... We have it narrowed down to two names but won't decide until we meet her. Haven't figured out the middle name yet. Hope we can come to an agreement on the full name before we leave the hospital.
I can't believe I only have about 15 days left. Crazy. I had some contractions on Monday night that hurt a little and I was worried cause I am not ready and didn't want to be in the hospital during Christmas for the sake of my other kids. luckily it didn't last long. Christmas went great today. Dh and I have been getting along great and we are being kind and loving to each other so that is a huge plus. Today was all about relaxing and family time. He gave me an amazing foot massage while we watched the nba games and the kids played with their new toys. If truly was a wonderful day. I hope you all had a great day also. Merry Christmas!
My 38 week appt. Is On Friday. The baby is dropping more and more. My mom is convinced she will come much sooner then my due date. We will see i guess. I have been having more Braxton Hicks contractions. Hopefully they are doing something. The other day I got myself and the baby a car seat head rest thing. It's so cute. The bottom pillow is a tan giraffe pattern and the top one that goes inside for newborns is yellow with giraffe ears and horns. I also took out the car seat fabric and washed it so now that is ready. slowly but surely getting more prepared...
Been Having some back pains today. Don't know if it means anything. I also just found out that my husband's brother finally booked his ticket for December 30-January 7th. I am trying to remain positive but having that for sure thing happening now and for the longest possible time has me feeling really down and stressed. Its pretty disappointing that he isn't leaving until 2 days before my due date. I am so bummed. I have to keep my feelings to myself otherwise it will just cause another fight with DH and we are getting along so that is the last thing I want. Sigh....
Geez. Sorry about the added stress. Any chance he'll leave early if you have the baby early? I hope that baby waits till after the visitor leaves so you don't have to deal with him being there while you labor.
No he won't leave early. I just hope that if i go into labor while he is here that it happens on the last day or two so that he leaves right after i go home. Hoping this week goes smoothly and is not too difficult or stressful. I am already stressing about all the meals l feel obligated to make.
I have to go pick him up around lunch time today. Have to finish cleaning up the house and figure out a nice dinner meal. If dh can't see how this will affect me then that is too bad. This last week should be stress free and relaxing for me. Sigh...
In actual baby news, i lost more of my mucous plug yesterday. A big chunk of it came out. Having more Braxton Hicks contractions every day. And at my 38 week appt. This past Friday my midwife checked me again and said the baby has dropped a ton and is really low and deep so that is good news considering my last baby was really high still even when i was 8 centimeters dilated and In active labor..this hopefully will mean less labor time and a quicker dilation for me once things get going. I need this labor to be easier than my last one. So far this baby is cooperating.
Here's hoping that BIL and DH will surprise you with their helpfulness! And if they don't, then feel free to come here & let it all out. :bighug:
Glad baby is coming down for you! but I hope baby waits until the 7th or 8th to come!
BIL arrived on Monday and things are going decently. Dh has been nice and sweet with me and helpful. Today has been a pleasant surprise...bil went out last night for new years and hasn't been back since. So not having him around today was so nice. And Dh took me out on a date. Baby has been cooperating. I wouldn't mind her coming this weekend cause then I will be in the hospital and then he leaves early Tuesday morning. We will see what happens and when she decides to come. I am only 8 days from my due date and all my kids have been early so she can come any time. Who knows... Maybe she will want to be my one baby who arrives right on time. I have been having way more contractions though. I wish his brother wasn't here but am trying to make the best of it. Either way, we are hanging in there...
sounds like you are in an okay place! Glad DH is being more supportive than you expected!
I'm so glad things are working out better than expected!
Went to my 39 week appointment on Friday. My midwife and I talked and decided to have her strip my membranes. With my last pregnancy she stripped them at 39 weeks and I went into labor the next night. Also at my appt. she checked me and baby is still head down and dropped and deep/low. I was 1 centimeter dilated the last two weeks and at this appt. I was 2 1/2 centimeters dilated, 70% effaced and soft. So some good progress made in the last week with all the Braxton hicks I have been having.
I lost more of my mucous plug yesterday morning and it was tinted red so I knew that meant things were happening. I had two painful contractions yesterday morning and then nothing again until afternoon. I had several from 4pm until I went to bed at 9pm. I woke up around 1am this morning with more painful contractions even though they have been sporadic. Finally got out of bed around 3:45am cause they were about 10-13 minutes apart and now they have slowed down again. I hope things pick up cause today would be a great day to have a baby.
How are things going now, Kimia? It's been about 12 hours since your post. Baby here, or on the way? Or is she hanging out to wait for BIL to leave?
wondering how you are doing? Hopefully baby is here and you're busy!