I'm really glad you have someone IRL to be honest with. It means the world. And she seems like a true friend in that she can still support you and be excited for you despite having a very different picture of birth.
Did DH agree to stay home today?
The birth of my first child....hmm, how to tell this story. It's not exactly a happy story. I'm sure I could spin it that way but I can't and won't.
Well, I was 18 when I got pg with her, quite by surprise. Her dad and I had been together for a couple years and one weekend of forgetting my pills was all it took to get the BFP (that part holds more irony to those of you that know DH and I spent 4 years TTCing DS). I gained tons of weight with her, 60 lbs or so. I got to the end and my blood pressure was starting to go up and I was so swollen. It's really true that hindsight is 20/20, I had no idea that I was setting myself up for the exact birth I ended up with because my diet was crap and I just wasn't taking care of myself. A week before my due date which had been moved up several times already, my dr decided that baby was getting too big and he was inducing me. I was so excited because I was swollen, huge and just miserable! Went in bright and early, got pitocin, labored all day in bed, did it with just a shot of Nubain as I was terrified of the epidural needle. Finally got fully dilated and started pushing after laboring for about 20 hours. Pushed for 3+ hours and the last hour or so her heartrate was taking a hit. Finally, at the end it was 3am, I was exhausted and her heartrate was not bouncing back so my dr called in the on call OB and ordered an emergency c/s. The OB arrived and off I was whisked. I knew it was getting serious because DD1's heartrate at this time was not coming up so by the time the OB arrived everyone there, my SO, my mom and my dr were frantic looking. I was wheeled back and put on a metal table. The last thing I remember was a guy coming over to me and putting a mask on my face, I assumed it was oxygen but as soon as it went on I could feel my chest tightening and I couldn't breath in. I thought I was dying and no one even knew. I was laying on the cold metal table having very strong contractions and not able to breath. It was probably only a few seconds but it felt like eternity and there wasn't any way I could tell everyone I was dying. I woke up in recovery, well, I woke up several times. I now know I don't come out of general anesthesia well. Anyway, I woke up, asked what I had had (her sex was a surprise), they told me a girl and I passed out again. I woke up yet again, asked what I had had, they told me a girl, which I didn't believe because I really thought I was having a boy and passed back out. I woke up one last time as I was being wheeled to my regular room and asked what I had had, was told a girl and as we passed the nursery they showed me that she was the one in there screaming her fool head off. I was taken to my room, put in bed and they brought DD1 in to me. They put her in my arms and told me she was hungry, they hadn't given her formula as she was a breast baby and they left. it was 5am by this point and I was told that SO was in the father's lounge sleeping. I asked if they could get him for me but no one ever did. I had a splitting headache, a newborn I wasn't sure how to feed and no one around. Over the next day or so DD1 showed me what a champion breastfeeder she was as I recovered very slowly and very painfully from the c/s. I literally could not walk, I just couldn't. The nurses pushed me harder and harder to get out of bed and get moving but every time I got upright I was in so much pain, pain like I never could have imagined and hope to never experience again. I was released from the hospital barely able to walk and in no way able to care for a newborn. We got home and SO basically disappeared, he spent the first 3 weeks of DD1's life basically working as much as he could and then going to the bar after work. I was exhausted and alone and miserable. My mom came by several times but when DD1 was 2 weeks old she came over and told me I had to switch to formula feeding because I was killing myself trying to breastfeed her and she probably wasn't getting enough which is why she was nursing so much. She was 9lb 7oz at birth so what my mom was telling me seemed logical, she was just too big to be able to breastfeed. I mean, I was much smaller and my mom had me on cereal at a month old, so we switched. I cried over that one a lot, it didn't seem right but sounded logical if that makes sense. I was heartbroken but trying to deal with everything else in my life that was going on at the time. When she was 3 weeks old I left her dad. I also started a new job when she was 7 weeks old, I had to get something so I could support us both and the job I had before I had her wouldn't do it.
I'll have to pick up the rest later. I know it sounds very emotionless and it is because it's a very hard thing for me to talk about. That was a very dark time in my life. DD1 was amazing and still. She was colicky for the first 3 months of her life and I was alone and trying to do it all by myself. She made me into the person I am today, she made me stronger and capable and wiser but it was a rough journey for us!
You are a lovely woman and wise to realize how your DD1 helped you on your journey! It is not always the easy parts of our lives that allow us to grow.
Leo (3 1/2) with Malcolm the cat
WTF is wrong with Verizon?!
While I knew a good deal about your DD1s birth from convos the past couple of years, your write up about her birth still brings tears to my eyes! I know you've said before that there's a lot you did differently with her versus your other children, but you really did do a fantastic job as a mom back then. There's no way she would be the great teen she is today if you had done a crummy job.
That's why I dropped Verizon and moved to T-mobile. You can get T-mobile to do just about anything if you threaten them with switching to another provider. I tried that with Verizon and they basically said "F you, have a nice life."
Ditto what Jackie said about DD1's birth. Its unfortunate that you had to go through that, especially at just 18 years old, but its part of what's made you the phenomenal mother and birth advocate you are today. Her birth may have been wrong, her father may have been wrong, and the advice you received may have been wrong but its all made an everlasting impact in all that you've done right since and all the love and knowledge you've spread to other women.
It's been so long since her birth and I'm much older now so I know just from life that your experiences make you the person you are, good, bad or indifferent. In a sense I am very grateful to fate for everything that has happened to me in my life, it has made me more grateful for my NCB friends (who I may never have gotten to know had I not been taken on this journey) and DD1's dad made it so that I am able to fully appreciate my DH and the amazing man that he is. I am grateful every single day that I really am able to see the silver lining in my life, it's made me much more laid back and able to know that while something may suck right now in this moment, it won't suck forever, there really may be a good lesson coming from it someday you just need the patience to weather the storm and look ahead. It sounds so cheesy written out but it really is how I live my life now and it wasn't always that way so I've learned to be grateful, even for DD1s dad
As for Verizon, there's a lesson there but I haven't found it yet!!!! T-Mobile doesn't get service here in the cornfields. AT&T only gets splotchy service. And Cingular or whatever they call themselves now will never get my business again. So, I'm sort of at an impass trying to make my relationship with Verizon work, mostly for my own benefit. Their customer service bites but it's been 8 years and this is the first time I've really ever needed them for anything. I guess the moral of the story is to make sure you never actually need the customer service and especially not while 9 months pregnant and highly volatile
Welcome to your lodge!!!! Keep us posted on how things go - not that it looks like you're skimping on details!
Skyler Dylan 22 April 1999
Reed Aslan 17 June 2007 ~ 8 September 2008
Ivy Rayne 3 May 2009
Leo Spencer 2 Sept 2010
Forrest Reed 15 Aug 2012
Reading your DD1's birth story was sad, but it's very inspiring at the same time. So cool to read something like that and now hear that you are going to be having a homebirth with your loving DH at your side, you know?
And I hope your get your phone ASAP. That's annoying! I have Verizon and I haven't been super impressed with their customer service either. I have, however been impressed with my actual phone service. My phone never ever loses a signal or drops calls! If it weren't for that, then I would switch too.