This is long....
So after we got married we both agreed that we wanted to wait 2 years before TTC. We wanted to travel some, buy a house, and get more secure in our jobs. I switched school districts a few months after our wedding and had a lapse in my health insurance. So for about 2 weeks we were without BC but decided we knew how to be careful and I figured that would be easy since I normally had really long cycles without the pill. We were so careful but so wrong. I got a BFP about 4 months after our wedding. Both of us really wanted to have kids but like I said we wanted to wait 2 years. I was so nervous but happy. When I told DH he cried and was so upset and stressed about it for a while. It was such a horrible reaction for him to have at the time and I felt like he blamed me for changing our future so much. I think it just really hit him that not only did he have to be a grown man for real but was going to be responsible for a wife and a child, it was a lot for him to take in all at once. After all the initial shock and stress wore off for both of us we got to enjoy the pregnancy. Everything went pretty smooth, just the normal stuff like morning sickness and all. I knew that I wanted to have a natural birth and choose to see a Nurse Midwife that my hospital/provider had on staff. I figured that was all I had to do. Heck I had read "The Red Tent"? a few years back and I just planned on squatting and having the baby like they described, no problem. I didn't ever really read up on childbirth and only attended the biased class that the hospital provided. I think I even skipped the c/s and medication info day because I just knew I wasn't going to use them so why should I know about them. If I could go back in time I would defiantly kick myself! I think I read every book about what to do after baby came but nothing about actually having a baby.
At 38 weeks my MW stripped my membranes and I remember thinking that it was time to get baby out and that 40 weeks was like my deadline and I better get done before I got to that point. So like the MW said starting around 37 weeks we DTD every day, I walked like 1000 miles, took tons of EPO, had a reflexology session, and the day after she stripped me took 2 doses of castor oil. What was my hurry??? 38 week 4 days I had SROM as I went to lie down on the carpet after walking another 1000 miles. I remember hearing the "pop" and then running to the bathroom because heck if I was going to ruin the carpet in our rental apartment...lol. Poor Dh had just gotten home from work and was taking a nap so I took an hour to clean up and get the massive leaking water under control before I woke him and we left. I had never had a BH during the entire pregnancy and still wasn't having any contractions but the MW had mentioned going to L&D ASAP if this happened. And since I hadn't educated myself too much I thought that maybe baby would be coming really fast. I mean didn't your water break right before baby came out? This is where the downhill spiral began, but off we went.
I got checked in and was only like a 1-2 with no contractions. Even though I wasn't in labor they said I couldn't go home or leave since my waters had broken. They sent us to walk the halls for 30min to see if that started anything and them come back to be monitored. Our MW checked in with us at this time and announced that she was off shift but would be back in 3 days to see how we did if we were still there. WTF??? I thought she was going to be there the whole time. She said there was some great OB's and nurses on staff and that I would be in good hands. I was floored. Had not seen that coming and had totally been under the wrong impression when I had chosen to use a MW through our provider. Anyway, once back and all hooked up (wait no one said I had to have an IV put in? I hate needles. Why do I need this?) I still wasn't contracting so they told me I needed Pitocin. They told me that would start the contractions and then we could go from there. Ok. I thought I would be able to get out of bed, walk around, change positions, go to the bathroom, but apparently I was really wrong. They gave me more and more pit as time went on, them some pain stuff, and eventually an epi when I was at the max amount of pit that they could give me. It was torture and 24 hours after we had arrived I had only gotten to a 3-4 with baby not even engaged. I was so miserable, tired since I hadn't slept in almost 2 days, and starving since the last meal I had eaten had been lunch the previous day. We had seen so many doctors and nurses that I couldn't keep who everyone was straight. Wally was miserable because he doesn't feel comfortable in the hospital and couldn't do anything to help me. I was never able to relax with all these people coming and going my anxiety level was through the roof. Another doctor came in at the end and asked us to sign some papers for our c/s. C-section?? No one had even said that was what was going to happen next. She assumed someone had mentioned it and threw in that after 24 hours there would be infection and my baby would be really sick. I begged for an hour while in tears and luckily she left us alone. I prayed my body would do something magical or that DH would pick me up and get me out of there. Instead I sat there for an hour sobbing while DH with no fight left in him told me it would all be ok. An hour later they came in and got me all prepared and wheeled off to surgery. I was so pissed. DS1, Ryland Connor, was born 20 min. later (26 hours after my water broke at home) on Aug. 5, 2005. He was 8lbs 14oz and healthy. I never got to see or touch him after he was out. I don't even remember hearing him. DH has pics of him and one of him being held up next to me but they had all but knocked me out at that point. I woke in recovery a while later and was told both DH and DS were in the nursery. I met DH in my recovery room later that afternoon and didn't get to see my son until 8 hours after the birth. We were told that he had to be in the nursery for this and that, then shift change for the nurses, ect. DH even went to the nursery to get him but they wouldn't let the baby out. I remember asking DH to make sure we had the right baby once we got him since I hadn't yet met him. We had to share a room with another woman whose baby never cried while our son screamed all the time. I got really sick the 1st night (nurse gave me oral meds that made me vomit which is very painful) and had trouble with some side effects of the morphine so they took DS away again since I could care for him. We had loads of trouble nursing and the staff didn't seem to help or care, they kept pushing formula. The lactation consultant we requested never came to visit during our 4 day stay. The whole hospital experience was a nightmare.
Wally & Ryland on his day of birth. And Ryland 6 weeks old.
that is still one of the saddest stories about giving birth Joy!
But can I just say (again) that your DH is super cute and of course Ryland is such a doll (and still is)!!!
After DS1's birth I lost my teaching due to budget cuts and was out of work for 2 years. As much as we wanted to TTC again it wasn't the right time money wise. DH really wanted to save for a home and the idea of adding on to our family was overwhelming to him. After DS turned 2 we moved from San Diego to Northern CA where I got a teaching job within a few days. We saved up and in Oct. 2009 bought our 1st house. It was really hard waiting 4+ years to have baby #2 but the wait was so worth it. I learned a lot more about childbirth and what I want for myself since having DS1. Pregnancy #2 was planned and welcomed with open arms (no sad tears, only tears of joy) from the beginning. After feeling so misinformed and mistreated during our first birth experience, Dh and I were both excited to be having a homebirth and being more in control and more relaxed.
My 2nd pregnancy was so different than with DS1. I had much worse m/s and my heartburn raged. Also I was more tired and had loads of aches, pains, BHs, and the such. Overall the entire pregnancy went fast though and I carried DS2 until 40 weeks exactly.
Here is Odin's birth Story....
Odin Emmett (Polish Last Name Here)
October 18th, 2010 2:15pm
Labor was 40(ish) hours
Thought I might be going into labor before the weekend started. Some random contractions here and there but more because I was so focused on getting everything in order. Drinks chilled in the fridge for MW and assistant, olive oil and cookie sheet upstairs in birth area, ect. That was Friday night Oct. 15, also went to go see a movie by myself that night. Had some reg. contractions throughout the movie but didn't really pay attention to them.
40 week belly, during labor
Saturday I went to a baby consignment event and got a ton of great things for only $30. Again, really needed to get out of the house by myself and get a few last minute things. Was having contractions all day here and there. Some of the consistent ones were 10-15min apart but again I didn't really think much of it. Met DH and DS on my way home to get some last minute things at Costco and Lowes and ate Hawaiian BBQ for lunch, yum! We didn't get home until about 3pm but I was still able to get in a nice 2 hour nap. After naps felt like DH and I needed to do something special with Ryland so we took him to see a movie (something with owls). We never let him watch TV or anything so he was beyond thrilled. Contractions were about 10 min. apart during the movie but I was still thinking nothing of it. Too bad popcorn and apple juice was my dinner that night since I was still full from lunch. We went to bed about 10pm and I just could not settle down, contractions kept coming. I let DH pass out and tried to use my hypnobabies tracks to fall asleep. After about 2 tracks I realized it wasn't going to happen. Got up and swept the downstairs as well as scrubbed out the kitchen sink, thank you OCD! Still couldn't sleep and I knew contractions were coming closer so I started timing them for real about midnight. They went were a lot closer than I gave them credit for at about 5 min. apart. That's when I knew this might be for real. By 4am I woke up DH to let him know that this was probably going to be it. Normally he gets up for work at that time so he got a full night sleep, gosh I wish I had been able to also. By 4am contractions were 2-3min. apart so we waited 30min and then called the MW. I felt so bad calling early like that but this was like the first time I'd been in labor so I didn't know how fast/slow things would go and 2-3min apart lasting 1min each seemed like more than adequate. I knew they would have a 1-1.5 hour drive to get here so I didn't want to chance it. MWs arrived by 6pm and there was no denying that I was in active labor. Should point out that my MW was still out of town so we had her back up whom I ended up loving even more! We have a lot in common and even homeschool(ed) our child(ren) using the same type of curriculum. The MW in training that I usually see was there as well, a familiar face.
I had made it clear that I didn't want to be checked (didn't want to be disappointed by lack of progress like DS1's birth) so I don't really have too many times and cm dilated to go on. I asked them to take notes in case I wanted to know later so thats all I have to go on. I labored upstairs in our large walk-in bathroom and master bedroom. In the beginning I liked being on all 4's using the birth ball for support. I was totally able to relax through things using all my hypnobabies techniques. Also moved around to sit on the birth ball with my head on the bathroom vanity, another nice position at times. I pretty much did most of the laboring Saturday morning/afternoon alone while relaxing into various positions. I will say that it was active labor the entire time MWs were there and I had to vocalize through it using deep O tones. DH took care of Ryland downstairs while making sure all the ladies upstairs had everything needed and the MWs monitored and hung out in the den right outside our master bedroom. Sometime around 4pm I decided that I wanted MW’s to check me but not tell me the progress. I was getting kind of tired at this point and I think that I just wanted the option of knowing that something was happening even though I didn't really want numbers. They did their check and then told me that they were going to go out and explore town for an hour while I relaxed. That didn't discourage me but it did signal to me that I had some time to go and that I need to pace myself. (Turns out I was a 5! Already 1-2cm more than I'd ever gone before!)I relaxed in the shower for a while and continued with my birth ball positions. When they got back MW gave me some homeopathic stuff that picked up strength of the contractions. I got in the bath for a while and that felt really nice. This continued on for hours. I worked that birth ball really hard I think because I have something similar to rug burn on my chin and left cheek, ouch!
Wally put Ryland to bed around 8pm and I was getting pretty burnt out. I asked to be checked again. Things had been so active in labor and intense during this whole time that I figured stuff must be happening. The MW was great at describing how things felt without telling me a #. (I was a 6 with bulging bag at this point) After phone conferencing with my reg. MW she made the suggestion that she could break my water if I wanted to see if things progressed more. LO was still really high and that bag of water was keeping him from putting too much pressure on my cervix. I was getting so tired at this point and it was nearing 24 hours of labor, and eternity since I slept last. We weighed our options for about 3 hours and decided to have her break the bag. Nice clear liquid, man it was a little painful though, and contractions went from intense to very very intense and longer. It was at this point that it was getting harder for me stay balanced through them and exhaustion was taking its toll. More hours went on and I wanted another check because I really could take it much more. I also told her to tell me the number and all. I was a 7 and the baby had engaged and was descending (can't remember station) but more progress in those few hours than a good portion of the day. Encouraging so I struggled through a few more hours determined to do it. I hit a wall about some point and nothing worked, ball, bath, moving, lying, ect. We all had sat for an hour or so in some random position while taking turns putting massive pressure on my lower back, the only things that made the end of each contraction bearable. Everyone was exhausted. I finally had enough and at 3pm, after much thought and heartache, I made the choice to transfer to a VBAC friendly hospital 30min. away. I knew that I wanted to have a natural birth so bad, but there is a time a place for everything, and this was the time for some rest if I was going to get my VBAC and I knew an epidural would help with that.
We got to the hospital by 4am and it took 1.5 flipping hours to get that epidural. They had to run a blood panel that I didn't have since I hadn't seem an OB and required I have a bag of fluid before getting the epi. I was ok playing by the rules for that as long as I got that rest. The bag of fluid was evil and made the contractions 1000 xs stronger and longer while I waited for my blood panel. Seriously, I think they wanted to muzzle me because I was so darn loud and vocal, beyond the point of being able to manage my own pain. I felt out of control. Turns out baby had turned posterior at some point during labor so things kicked up a notch on the pain scale. Nurse also noticed some merconium in the fluid I had, something that had not been present when my water was broken. Once I got the epidural it was like night and day. I passed out a few minutes later and got about 4 hours sleep despite being poked around at by the nurses. Wally and our MW got some much needed sleep as well. The MW student was such a blessing and stayed at our house with Ryland so we didn't have to wake him or find someone to care for him. During sleep baby descended and I went from a 7 to a loose 9. By 10am I was complete and got a coached lesson in pushing from the MW and nurse. That 1st hour was just a practice to see what would happen. The 3 hours following were in earnest. I got on hands and knees for 1 hour but my back hurt so bad that I could bear it. The last 2 hours I was in some odd side position that had me on 1 leg and 1 foot for better traction. The back labor was so painful and intense that this was the only was bearable position. At the very end I ended up on my back somehow even though all I could think about was getting on my hands and knees. I kept my eyes closed for most of the pushing as it helped me focus more. Wally and the MWs were right there alongside me holding parts of me and helping find where to push. I had the epidural turned off during all the pushing but it took a while for things to be not so numb. My husband was the best because he supported my head and one leg and used all this strength to push right along with me. I don't even know how to express how much that helped me feel powerful; I knew he would stand in my shoes if he could have at that moment and take all the pain and exhaustion away.
Warning...sad from this point on..
The last 30 min. were probably the most intense though my memory of them is foggy since I was so inside myself with eyes closed. The doctor did a scan and discovered baby was posterior. There was some internal maneuvering around even though baby was turning nicely on his own. I was given a numbing agent on my lady parts and heard talk of cutting though I'm pretty sure I growled out 'let me rip'. Baby crowned for a long time. Contractions were very close but they were patterned one big one small and I pushed mainly on the big ones while resting on the small ones. I remember commenting, "this is the worst poop ever". Nice. Then, finally his head was out and soon panic hit the room. I remember opening my eyes for a second to see why everyone was so crazy and realized my room of 5 people had turned into a room of 30 some people so I closed my eyes again and retreated back in. After the head the rest of the body seems like it was stuck and wouldn't deliver. The doctor must have thought that the cord was holding him back (looped around his shoulders but not tight) and tried to get it over his head with no luck. So he cut it. It took 4 more minutes for the Odin's shoulders to come out and then the rest of his body. The doctor was pulling. Seemed like 4 nurses pushing and pounding on my stomach and pelvis, someone was even on the bed pushing on me. Two people on either side were ripping my legs apart in what felt like the splits. People were yelling at me to push, and I was pushing with everything I had, but there wasn't a contraction and it was like pushing with no force. Once that contraction hit though he was out despite all the crazy stuff they were doing to me. For some reason they slid him on my chest for a split second, just long enough for me to feel his warmth. And then they took him away without a cry and without life in him. I remember that I kept talking to him even though I could barely see what was going on with the crowd of doctors and nurses around him. He had a heart beat but wasn't breathing and had been delivered 4 minutes after his cord was cut. They had a bag they were using to get him to breathe and kept shoving tubes down his throat to suck out merconium that wasn't there. He was just laying there and not moving. His apagars during the time in my room were 2, then 4, and finally 6 before they took him off to the NICU. I got to hear 2 tiny cries and touch his head as they took him away.
1-2 hours old
I didn't even know they delivered my placenta and the doctor was very gentle stitching up my 2nd degree tear. Hurt worse when they pushed on and massaged my uterus. Gauze was missing from the clean up count so I had to have an x-ray right after to make sure it wasn't left inside me. Ack, luckily all clear though they never did find that gauze pad. I thought that I would feel amazing and high after having my VBAC, but honestly I felt really numb after and couldn't processes any emotion. I was so drained. I had 2 visits from the head of the NICU while still in my labor room and getting cleaned up. The first visit was to let me know about the concern over lack of oxygen for so long and worry of infection, his temp was currently 104. The second visit was to encourage me to let them transfer him to the Intensive Care Nursery at UCSF medical center over 2 hours away for immediate treatment. Wally had gone to get Ryland at this point so I signed the release on my own and filled him in over the phone.
The nurse wheeled me to my post-par. Room, which was going to be shared with another mommy just coming from her c/s. I wasn't thrilled about sharing a room. The nurse had to use a catheter on me since my bladder was preventing my uterus from going down and seriously took out more pee than I think your body should ever hold. A few minutes later I had people come in to have me sign papers for Odin's transfer by helicopter. I was then taken to the NICU to have Odin baptized before his flight and see him up close for the 1st time. Poor guy was hooked up to all sorts of stuff and all I could do was hold his little hand. UCSF team came very soon after (they had to get him hooked up to his treatment with the 1st 6 hours of life) had me sign more papers, put him in a travel incubator thing, and off they went. Wally and Ryland got there just as they were loading up so Ryland got to see the baby for 2 min. and Wally got to say good-bye. It was heartbreaking. We went back to my room to find that they had changed my room to a private room. The nurse had found me a pump and stocked my room with loads of juice, snacks, and extra pillows. Wally and Ryland went home later that night to sleep and I finally got some much needed rest. I was so thankful for that private room because the hormones hit finally and I lost it listening to other babies crying down the hall. I can't imagine how it would have felt rooming in with another mommy and her baby. I just remember feeling that is was so unfair and that I was the only new mom there without a baby. I got discharged at 2pm the next day, even though they suggested I stay another day, and we drove the 2+ hours to be with Odin in SF that evening.
Last edited by jolly11sd; 03-22-2012 at 07:24 PM.
I'm so sorry your first two births were sad for you. This one *will* be better!
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So to sum up our 2nd birth. We ended up staying in the ICN (same as NICU) for 1 week before Odin was discharged to go home. At birth they thought that he may have brain damage from lack of oxygen (due to cord being cut before he was delivered) and therefore was put on a cooling treatment to help his brain heal. He had to be sedated for 5 days, have a couple of MRIs, and got tons of antibiotics for some mystery infection that they never cuold find. He was really slow to gain weight during his first few months but other than that has been the picture of health. This little guy totally blows me away each day and continues to meet and exceed each milestone. Its awesome to be were we are now compared to where we were 17 months ago.
Hooked up to his cooling machine and getting his brain waves monitored. He was sooo drugged and pretty out of it.
The first time we got to hold Odin ever at 5 days old It was such an amazing and sad moment all at once.
And now being his amazing self!
This is what I have written at the end of my birth story with DS2:
Makes me sad reading that now. I forget so soon what an ordeal the whole event was. I feel so much better about the prospect of birth and having another VBAC. Its amazing how time can heal such painful moments. So we indeed decided to go for baby #3 close to baby #2. AF come back around 8 months PP and I got preg. during my 2nd (totally crazy and off) cycle while still nursing. Currently still nursing too . I'm totally excited about having the 2 little ones close together but also in touch with the whole massive reality of it... eek! I wouldn't turn down a VBAC again for the world. I did it, even if it ended a little off, I did it and it was empowering and great. What happened last time likely will never happen again and I feel calm and confident about the entire thing. DH is a little more guarded, poor guy still has been through so much, but trusts me enough to be supportive.Last week I spent a lot of time 2nd guessing my choice for a VBAC. Would all this have been prevented if I had just had another c/s? Had wanting this so bad been totally selfish and actually ended up hurting the baby? This week I've come to terms a little better since things have calmed down. I am happy that I got my VBAC. My body knew what to do and did it. I gave birth to a 9lb baby on my own and proved all the doctors who told me I was too small for anything over 5-6lbs wrong! I'm still really scared of getting pregnant again though and beyond scared of birth itself (vag. Or c/s) at this point it time. We really wanted to plan for baby #2 and #3 close together but I may need a lot more time to heal before we go there. Wally is a mess too. Not only from all the emotional stuff we have just been through, and the fear of giving birth to another baby, but also the financial impact of this whole ordeal has him on edge. The cost alone of all the NICU stay, and life flight, will probably be more than our house is worth even after insurance picks up their end. And the $4500 home birth we payed for out of pocket won't be reimbursed now. I think he has the weight of the world on his shoulders right now and I feel for him.
This pregnancy has been awesome and different. No sickness this time, tons of energy for the most time (just now slowing down and tired), and way less BH and general pains. Totally helps seeing a Chrio this time and I wish I would have done that in the past. We didn't find out the gender for #3, like the other 2, and I am so excited to find out what our little suprise is. As much as I want to try for another HB it just isn't in the cards this time. We have decided to go with a hospital run type of birth center (not super birthcerter-y but totally not the normal L&D) that looks like a great fit. While they refuse to let me us a MW (lame) I'm starting to get to know my OB and she seems pretty awesome and supportive. I kinda have a mistrust with OBs (can you imagine why?) so I don't think I'll ever be a 100% with anyone I choose. Overall though, this should be a great experience!
Oh Joy, reading Odin's birth story just makes me feel all the pain and anxiety from it all over again. I can't imagine what it was like being you and DH, I know how much anxiety I had for you. And it's been such a blessing to get to see him develop completely on pace and seeing him grow into such an adorable and intelligent toddler!!! I'm still so happy I've gotten the chance to get to know you over the last two years.
Wow. Reading that again took me right back to October and how scary that all was at the end. I remember that I admired you so much for your strength and devotion (especially since I had JUST gone through a c/s) and you inspired me. I knew even during my c/s that I would try for a VBAC with a second baby and you proved to me immediately that it was indeed possible. You can never predict what will happen during the birthing, but I have complete faith that this birth will be another completely different birth and will be the best one yet!
I am so happy that I get to go through this journey with you again and that I have you to lean on and support me with my VBAC. I know that you know exactly what this means to me and even more you know what it takes to get there and do it. Joy, you have been such an amazing source of strength and support for my VBAc plans, and then through the hardest time of my life to date. No words could ever thank you enough for all you have done for me! I don't mean to get all mushy on you here, but I mean every word.
Odin is an incredible little boy and you have done such an incredible job with him despite the rough beginning you had. I will pray that this birth will be the ideal birth we all dream of.
Gosh reading that takes me back. I remember being so proud and happy for you for having your VBAC yet heartbroken and terrified over the last few minutes of Odin's birth and throughout the week that followed. I cried all over again seeing the pics of you and your (quite handsome) DH holding Odin for the first time. What a difference 17 months make! Odin is such a perfect little man and he's going to be a great big brother. You amaze me and inspire me. This birth *has* to be and *will* be different. I can't wait to meet your little surprise!
Awww, thanks for all the kind works. Of course you get me all teary eyed here. I know too that this birth *will* be different. And I also really hope that this is a positive and healing experience for my DH. I think its harder for him than it is for me but in a different way if that makes sense.
Belly pic day for me yesterday. Here is 34 weeks and yesterday at 36 weeks.
Belly is the same. But the big question is, can you see the difference in the length of my hair? I totally cut a ton off on Sunday! I wish I had taken a pic of just the back before I got it cut but I totally forgot to. The longest part used to be past my waist and to my bottom. Now the longest part is about boob length. Its still long but way shorter for me. Oh, wait, here is a front view from late Nov. or early Dec. it was just a tad longer than that before I cut it.
Now its a little ways above my DS1's head!
Got my results this week from the GBS swab and all is negative. Yay! Weekend goal is to pre-register at the hospital and dig out my tub wear and birthing clothes stuff and get it in a bag. Also need to see if there is a water proof case for those tiny iPods (nano?). I'd like to find not only a water proof one but also something that has an arm band since I won't really have pockets for it when I'm in the tub. If not I'll just use my portable speakers and hope there is a least 1 outlet in near the tub.