Maybe try co-sleeping with him. My best sleeper thus far is my 2 year old who co-slept for the first 5 months. She needed to co-sleep and I gave in thinking I was setting myself up for more problems down the road but honestly she has been my easiest sleeper so far. I think it works opposite of what you think it will, it settles them and gets them that closeness that they really need early on. it also helps a BUNCH with nursing. Like right now Noah is able to nurse through the night in more of a dream feed (with both of us barely waking up) and then he doesn't have to deal with my boobs being too full to feed on (which is a problem me and DS1 had A LOT!) which can make night time nursing exhausting. Just a suggestion from my experience.
Hope all is going well!!! How are the other kids doing, everyone adjusting well?
Sorry I have been MIA for the past week. Have just been extremely busy with 4 kids. We are slowly adjusting...the kids are doing extremely well with a new baby...I think DH and I have had more of a hard time adjusting to everything new.
I took Jacob in for his 2 week appt. today even though he is officially 2 weeks old tomorrow. He weighed in at 9 lbs 6 oz and his head is now measuring at 36.6 centimeters and he is 21 1/2 inches long...his birth stats were 8 lbs 13 oz, 19 1/2 inches long, with a 35 centimeter head. So he has surpassed his birth weight, height, etc...and is doing well.
We also had him circumcised today and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I don't mind either way but DH feels strongly about it so we have had both our sons circumcised. Jacob did really well and has been sleeping a lot since the appointment.
Nights have been interesting. Jacob still likes being near me and I have had him with me more often than not...sometimes he is in a deep enough sleep that he will sleep in the bassinet for a good while, but most time he stirs and starts waking after a few minutes of me laying him in there.
Christa, I may do what you suggest and just let him co-sleep with me and not stress about it anymore. I just hope that transitioning him to his crib won't be too hard...that is the only thing concerning me. I co-slept with DS1 and we had a really hard time getting him to adjust to his crib around 4 months old because he was so used to being near me.
I am feeling pretty good physically...not really anymore pain when I wipe after going to the bathroom...the swelling is finally gone and my stitches aren't really tender/sensitive anymore. I only took some IBUs for like 1-2 days after getting home and then didn't need to take anymore since then.
I go through on and off days of bleeding...some days there isn't much, and then others my pads fill up more often. Its not tons anymore but strange when it fades for a few days and then on days like today, its fresh and more red again. Maybe cause I was out for over 3 hours taking him to his appt. by myself, carrying the carseat with him in it, etc.
DH and I have been struggling in our relationship since the baby has been born. Not sure if he feels overwhelmed with everything or if he feels somewhat neglected by me although he understands. But there has been a distance between us that I wish would go away. Hope the two of us can get past that sooner rather than later. Its been a little tough but I know that we are going through big changes right now and the baby is more demanding of our time and attention and he comes first right now.
I have been a slacker with my birth story and I still intend to write it...will try to get to it by this weekend and post it very soon.
Thanks for all the well wishes and comments on our baby. He sure is a keeper.
I wouldn't set a specific time for transferring a baby to a crib. Each child has different needs. Heck, our grandkids spend about a year co-sleeping and are quite willing by then to move into a crib in a room with a sibling. Just take it easy and see how things develop.had a really hard time getting him to adjust to his crib around 4 months old
This is where I'd focus my attention. Life changes make a big difference in a relationship and sometimes outside professional help can shed light on good solutions. Be sure to make time for each other and the growth of your marriage. This is more important than cleaning the house and doing laundry. Talk it out. The longer you wait the harder it gets. DH's needs may be quite different from yours. Listen carefully to each other.struggling in our relationship since the baby has been born
Ivy, Leo and Forrest - May 2013
My DH and I go through a transition after each child is born. We both end up focusing on just surviving and give each other very little one on one attention. Thankfully we get back into the swing of things once the dust settles fairly easily but I know what you mean about feeling that distance.
I hope you're able to get some sleep. I'm in do what needs to be done to survive mode right now with these kids. My oldest's volleyball season started 2 days ago so my middle two are adjusting to life on the bleachers again and of course Noah nurses the most in the evenings so I've gotten lots of practice at nursing in public.
I don't know if this will help, but dh and I have had a little dip in our relationship after the end of each pregnancy. For us, pregnancy really improves our relationship, so the post-partum period is a little anti-climactic. We just have to remember to talk to each other and not to force anything.
DS 1 b. 1/19/09, DS 2 b. 1/12/11, DS 3 b. 3/3/13
Thank you so much for the advice...all three of you! I really will take it to heart. I need to focus extra attention on my husband and I know that. Worrying about the baby sleeping with me shouldn't be a huge concern right now. You are right...and I will figure out his transitions as they come.
His pediatrician made a big deal about not letting your baby sleep with you because of the dangers of suffocation or rolling over onto the baby. I know that is a concern but things have been fine and I have always let my babies sleep with me in the past. If we were in a smaller bed I wouldn't do it most likely but we have a big king size, and DH is way over on one side...so we have room between us and then there is room for the baby, me, and also a body pillow I have on the outside of the bed so baby doesn't get too close to the edge.
Things have gotten a little better just over the last couple days. DH rented a redbox over the weekend and we had a nice date snuggled up on the couch. Granted, Jacob was there too sleeping in my arms, but DH was fine with it and we got to at least hold hands during the movie. Hehe... He also hasn't asked me to do any special bedroom favors for him since the baby has been born, but finally expressed a desire to get as close to me as he could in that way...obviously we are not DTD yet, but there are other things we can do to make our men happy, right? I told him that I am more than happy to do whatever I need to do to help him out there and just to please let me know...so I hope he will communicate more. I don't want him to feel neglected at all.
But the relationship between us is doing better. I expressed to him that I don't expect him to be able to give me tons and tons of attention either right now as our kids are demanding our time and attention, but just simple things like telling me he loves me and giving me a hug as we pass by each other as we go about the day, things like that would re affirm his love for me and remind me that I am still important to him too. I don't feel the greatest about myself physically right now as I just had a baby and my body is post pregnancy and I know that it will take time to get to where I want it to be, so just having him confirm his love for me daily goes a long way and I told him that, so he is being more thoughtful and verbal with me.
I physically feel really good...feel like my recovery is going great...and I WISH I could start working out and exercising. I really want to get back on track with weight loss and get in shape again, but I know I can't yet. Just because I feel good doesn't mean I am fully healed as I am still bleeding and certain days the blood gets fresh or dark again...so I have to remember to still take it easy. I know I can start working out in a couple weeks. I just have to be patient. Its tough cause I feel good but the bleeding keeps me in check.
Jacob is doing well except for some nights he wakes up for several hours at a time...around 4:30 until 7am. I have him for the first hour, and then DH takes him around 5:30 since he wakes up each day about that time anyway...so then I can try to sleep again. Not sure why he keeps waking up then and we are hoping he breaks that trend very soon. I put him in an adorable outfit today and put some size 0 shoes on him. It looks so cute!
Anyway, I didn't write my story yet but I promise I will get to it this week. Life is crazy with 4 kids. I know we will get the hang of things better as time goes on, but its still new to me.
It sounds like you two are on the road to find eachother again. I know my DH and I go through it, probably more so on my side since I'm so exhausted right after the baby and just focused on getting things "down". Little dates together here and there are a must and it sounds like you've communicated well with him.
I'm not a co-sleeper and have dealt with the struggle to get them to be OK in the bassinet. Can you have it next to your bed and pat him as needed when he stirs? I also had the 4am waker-uppers and that's when I would feed then fall asleep with them on my chest, they'd eventually fall asleep too and they do transition out of getting up so early. It probably helped that our normal wake up was 6 and they transitioned to that quickly.
Sorry about the difficulties with DH and deciding on co-sleeping. I was just thinking yesterday how great that DH and I haven't had any issues since our new one was born, and then last night DH was frustrated at everything - Skyler had left a library video game on the bus, dinner wasn't ready when he got home, the house was a mess, even though the other little ones were at the day home... "I must be nice to have a day off and snuggle on the couch all day."
Um... yes, if you count changing a million diapers, giving baby a bath, feeding baby on sore boobs (only one side thankfully), the fact I was up every hour since midnight, that the one time I got to sleep the phone rang after 20 minutes because For(r)est was gassy and fussy all day and I couldn't put him down for more than about 30 seconds before he started screaming... Of course, when DH got home was the only time all day that For(r)est slept, by himself, in our cot-thingy, during all of supper and while putting the little ones to bed - so I did that fine so that DH could go on a bike ride with Skyler! OY!
Yes, I did take it easy yesterday, relatively, but hey, I'd been up changing diapers all night too, not watching movies just because I can! Further, I consider going to work to be a "break", not staying at home changing diapers and feeding baby all day!
and then this morning I went to go grocery shopping, and the car battery was dead - so I went to get the truck (still hooked up to the trailer and parked on the street) to boost it and it's battery was dead too! Fortunately it has an auxiliary battery, so I jumped the truck from itself, detached the trailer, and jumped the car from that... Don't know what we'd do without that auxiliary battery! Leo keeps turning every switch on in every vehicle and the batteries keep dying because of it. I guess we can't let him play in the cars anymore.
Skyler Dylan 22 April 1999
Reed Aslan 17 June 2007 ~ 8 September 2008
Ivy Rayne 3 May 2009
Leo Spencer 2 Sept 2010
Forrest Reed 15 Aug 2012
My dh suggested that I be a little more forthright about post partum relationship issues in our house. Our religious beliefs require that the husband and wife sleep in separate rooms (if possible, separate beds if not) for the first month or so after a baby is born. With ds1, it was kind of awkward, but it was wonderful with ds2. I know it sounds weird, but it gave me the space to recover and develop a good nursing relationship with the baby (it's so much easier to figure out cosleeping and nighttime nursing when you don't have to share a bed!). Meanwhile, the separation acted as a very physical reminder that a new person in the household really resets the relationship. You have to figure out all over again how to work around and with each other. In certain ways, you and your spouse have to get to know each other all over again. Basically, it was like going back to dating again--very sweet, with no expectations or pressure on either of us. And when the physical closeness is removed, you really have to focus on emotional intimacy.
So that's the long version of what I meant in my pp when I said not to force anything. You probably wouldn't want to go to the extreme that we do, but remembering that the birth of a new child is a new beginning in your relationship can be helpful and refreshing.
DS 1 b. 1/19/09, DS 2 b. 1/12/11, DS 3 b. 3/3/13