All that matters(plus a vent)

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lil96's picture
Joined: 03/27/06
Posts: 573
All that matters(plus a vent)

Here is a link a friend posted on FB. It may help some with the grieving process.

http://birthingbeautifulideas.com/?p=142

Personally I can't stand when people write about how horrible things are for c/s moms. Yes, I get it some mothers do feel differently than I do. But if I say that I am completely fine with the decisionto have 2 c/s, people feel sorry for me. They either assume I am uninformed or uneducated about the dangers of a c/s. No I am not. For me it was the right decisions. Or people assume I am "too posh to push". Yes I have awesome insurance, but that didn't affect my decision. I don't think I should always have to justify having a c/s.

I mean I get it that not many people see things like I do, but I never hear from the people who are just ok with it it like me. I think there has to be someone out therelikeme Lol I get it c/sisn'tabig bag of fun, but people don't need to paint it as dreary, miserable and the worst thing that will ever happen in your life.

Sorry I get upset about this, just like c/s moms on the other side of things. I just wanted to voice my opinion and let people know it is also ok to be ok with a c/s birth.

je138264's picture
Joined: 03/09/11
Posts: 1

I have had 2 c/s. And I'm perfectly happy with the decision. In fact I just started TTC #3!!

ambie719's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 811

Its been almost 2 years since my c-sec and I've always been fine with it. I know we did everything we could, I was informed, I had a birth plan, but a vaginal delivery just wasn't in the cards. And I was okay with that. I was fortunate enough to have a VBAC with my second child, but going into that I was fully prepared for the possibility that it might not be possible and that I might end up with another c-sec, and I was okay with that too. Of course having a c-sec wasn't my fave thing in the world, but neither was my VBAC and all the tearing I had. My c-sec was not the end of the world for me, and I did not beat myself up over it like I see so many women on here do.

And when we have a third kid I will be totally fine with however s/he wants to enter the world.

dlm677's picture
Joined: 10/10/06
Posts: 109

I had 2 and am perfectly fine withit. i physically could have a vaginal birth and I did not grieve over it. I too hate when the negative comments about it. I also hate when some calls a vaginal birth " normal birth" I get very defensive about it because I have been made to feel like I have to be.

but that it just me. i get that other feel differently.

lil96's picture
Joined: 03/27/06
Posts: 573

Shortly after I had my first child, i talked to my mother on the phone. She asked if i had had a normal birth. I said,"well since it was first and only, it was 100% normal for me."

I have heard a lot of dissing of cs. Like it isnt a real birth and the women dont care as much about their babies and are less of a mother. Trash talking either way is bad(ncb or cs), i dont like it. Everyone is entitled to their feelings but no one should be mean, kwim?

Sorry for the typos ivam on my phone and i hate auto correct.

mommyvolc's picture
Joined: 03/22/07
Posts: 1296

I agree. I had two and I'm fine with it. Did I try for a vag birth, yes. Was it in the cards for me and my daughter, no. She's here, she's healthy and I healed. Do I sometimes wish I'd been able to deliver vaginally? Yes. Does it bother me, no. However a child is born, is perfectly okay with me.

Nicole

Joined: 01/06/03
Posts: 1175

I had 2 c-sections... the first was an emergency one, the second was a scheduled repeat c-section. I have never had a moments guilt/remorse/sadness/whatever you want to call it over either. I don't feel I lost out on anything by not having a vaginal birth. I knew it was best for me and my baby. IMO, the MOST important thing is a healthy mom and baby. With my first one, if it hadn't been for the c-section, then me and/or dd may not be here. With the 2nd, it wasn't a decision made lightly... it was discussed with dh and my doctor multiple times and the decision wasn't actually made until the very end. With that one I got the "you're going to chicken out" comments from my sister/mother and I'm sure my SIL had a few thoughts in that direction too afterwards :rolleyes:

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
Joined: 09/15/09
Posts: 1380

C-section birth is for sure birth. I mean I have had 3 and I promise my children didn't just appear magically. I think the point of this particular article is that denying that not ALL women are ok with c-section and may have real emotional pain associated with the birth experience. It should be OK to grieve afterward if that is what you need to do. Because for some people the "All that Matters" is really NOT all that matters. I am happy to hear that there are women who are ok with their c-section experience. And I am really happy that we have birth choices. I just wish that it was OK to not be OK with having a c-section and that people could understand that. I think understanding and compassion on both sides goes a long way ;). As a doula I support any women who makes informed decisions about their birth, regardless of the decisions that they make. It is their birth experience not mine. Smile All that matters to me is we have healthy mom AND healthy baby and healthy mom means a mom who is ok with her birth experience.

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

I have acceptance of my c section. I tried everything possible to avoid it, but in the end it was what was needed. My other option was not safe (drive myself over an hour while in labour to attempt a breech delivery). I am not estastic over having one, but am working towards being accepting of it. It was hard because having it caused a lot of issues, which in turn led to my MIL walking away from her son and grandson forever and I can't help but feel like the cause of it because I had the c section and hubby works crazy hours I needed help so she was staying with us.

turtnjay's picture
Joined: 02/24/09
Posts: 2095

Put me in the C/S yes please! group.

I think many treat birth as they do breast feeding and mistakenly (I hope) put this unrealistic vision in women's eyes. It's nit romantic, it's not beautiful...it's pain and work. Yes in the end what you get is beautiful the getting there is not.

But honestly, I think women are targeted by those zealots who preach not about healthy baby but about how if it's not natural you have failed. And while they nay nit say those words, they are definitely implied. O feel sorry for anyone who feels they were robbed of a birth experience because they had a C/S. My only hope would be that they can cone to terms with understanding they had a different birth experience.

turtnjay's picture
Joined: 02/24/09
Posts: 2095

"ange84" wrote:

I have acceptance of my c section. I tried everything possible to avoid it, but in the end it was what was needed. My other option was not safe (drive myself over an hour while in labour to attempt a breech delivery). I am not estastic over having one, but am working towards being accepting of it. It was hard because having it caused a lot of issues, which in turn led to my MIL walking away from her son and grandson forever and I can't help but feel like the cause of it because I had the c section and hubby works crazy hours I needed help so she was staying with us.

I wish you could see this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your MIL! Your having a C/S didn't drive her away. She chose to leave. She is the one with the issue. Please don't take that baggage on yourself.

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

I do understand it wasn't my fault and my hubby doesn't blame me, he knows just as much as I do she has some real issues, it has taken him six months to even contemplate contacting her, but I will always have that niggling thought in the back of my head that if she hadn't stayed with us would she have got to that point. I think she would have anyway, but that what if factor always plays on your mind.

lil96's picture
Joined: 03/27/06
Posts: 573

That is crazy about your mil. That is one thing my mil supported me in (and she supports like nothing I do Lol ). I think it had to do with her having a horrible labor and delivery with my husband (no doctor or midwife showed up, she had to coach a first time mom to have a, unknown to them, breech baby, this was only mil's 2nd baby and the first was 12 yrs before, baby was 12 lbs something, mil at that time was like a 5' 100lb person. I hope your mil comes to accept there are somethings in life that are over and done with, you can't go back and change it. (HUGS)!

Flourish's picture
Joined: 03/08/10
Posts: 154

I had a c/s with the twins. I was totally and completely into a vaginal birth, but it was a no-go... BUT I wasn't phased by the fact that I had to have a c/s. It was just... another way to get the twins out! It IS major surgery, but it's not like it's the end of the world. I was fine with it, I healed well, and my babies are healthy. :vibes:

Mustanglisa's picture
Joined: 02/26/09
Posts: 324

I am going in to have a 2nd csection in 19 days and I don't have a single doubt in my mind that it is the right decision. I tried to do natural with dd but it just wasn't going to happen and ended up having an emergency csection after 1 1/2 hours of pushing. I know that I just can't do it, that the same thing will happen. I don't want to have to go through it all again and would rather have it scheduled. That and the fact that both hospitals in my area refuse to do vbacs but thats another story. I have a lot of respect for people who give birth naturally but I don't feel like I am any less of a mother for not being able to do it myself.

motorjunkie89's picture
Joined: 06/03/10
Posts: 143

I agree with everyone here. I was very upset when I had to request my emergency c-section with DD, because all the horrible hype that I had heard about it had me so scared. I kind of started to panic while they were preping me because of the fear.

What someone really should have told me was that it wasn't the end of the world. I still got my little girl and it saved both our lives.

I will be having a repeat c-section due to current health risks in February. I can live with that. It didn't make me a bad mom and still won't (althought my doctor with DD acted like it did). I probably will never be able to have a natural birth if we do try for one more and for me its ok.

There was some moments of shock and fear going into the first one but I know better now that the hype was just fluff put on by people who are a little too pushy when it comes to natural birth. Not saying all vaginal birth mothers are over enthusists, but there are extremists out there.