bystander support ?

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Breen31806's picture
Joined: 09/05/06
Posts: 1172
bystander support ?

We have been matched with a birthmom who is due in January. She is going to have a repeat c-section and wants me in the delivery room. What can I do to support her? Now and during?

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

I needed a calm reassurance. I'm sure just being there with her will be a great help!

motorjunkie89's picture
Joined: 06/03/10
Posts: 143

Be calm, take pictures if that is what she needs. I know that I really just wanted someone to talk to me, the silence and hearing people talk while they were operating was a bit unnerving. Best thing to do is ask her what is good for her and what she would like you to do or have available. Plus I may recommend that you put a dab of vix under your nose since you are preggers if you have a weak stomach. Sometimes the smells in surgical rooms can be a bit unpleasant for people. Thats what we did to pull DH threw. I really need to know if I can listen to music this time because when they made DH leave I couldn't stand that no one was talking to me and I heard them talking back and forth.

carg0612's picture
Joined: 09/23/09
Posts: 1554

I agree with the pp.

The other thing is talk to her about once they take the baby out and to the nursery. That was a pretty lonely time for me b/c DH went with our baby and I was left on the operating table surrounded by people I didn't know to get stitched up. I cried because I felt so alone.

I'm guessing you'll want to go with the baby but just make sure she knows what to expect so she doesn't feel abandoned. I agree with pp - music or something would be good.

GL - I am so happy for you!!! I know this has been a bit of a whirlwind match and it must be so thrilling!!! The birth mother is lucky to have someone as thoughtful and caring as you are to help her through this. Congratulations (again) on your match - I hope and pray everything goes smoothly for all of you!!!

AmyJo86268's picture
Joined: 12/08/07
Posts: 1406

I think just being there and being supportive. If you see things you'd rather not see, try not to express it with your face. I had 2 c/s and to be honest the anesthesiologist made the experience good or bad. In the good experience, he literally gave me a play by lay of what was happening and what was going to happen.

turtnjay's picture
Joined: 02/24/09
Posts: 2095

With my c/s's, my DH and my mom were in the room and such a help.

My DH sat with me, talking to me about being proud of me, being strong, rubbing my arm/hand/head and telling me what was going on. He was so calm and patient and it helped to focus on him. The anesthesiologist also gave us a play by play and it was nice.

My min took pics and then while they finished up with me, DH went with baby and my mom stayed with me and talked to me about everything that just happened. It was amazing having her there because I wanted DH with baby but I didn't really want to be alone.

I would ask her what type of support she would like. It is an honor to be able to watch the birth. Also, if she would like you there the entire time, maybe DH can accompany baby after its born while you stay with mom. It only takes about 10-15 minutes to finish up and it would give DH time to have some special bonding.

Overall, if you follow your instinct, you're probably going to do perfect and give her just what she needs, even if she can't express it.

lil96's picture
Joined: 03/27/06
Posts: 573

Sorry I am a bit late on this. The biggest help for me in the OR, was having someone to itch my nose! The first time, I had an epi and it was different because I got pretty much knocked out, so I don't remember.
But the last two times I know my nose itched so bad! It was so annoying, my hands were tied down I couldn't get to it.

I am not so much into the rubbing and being nice stuff Lol I just wanted to see the baby and itch my nose!