Just starting to hit me... wow, where does the time go?
My Guardian Spirit Richard 03/18/57 - 02/18/01
"Life is hard, it's harder if you're stupid"
Wish my heart would heal as quick as the time flies. But 5 years later, I still walk around with a huge hole where my husband should be.
The bed seems colder tonight. I use to avoid going to bed just so I didn't have to feel it. I guess that's what I'm doing tonight.
Is that why I push them away? The ones who want to get close? Maybe I really don't want a new person, honestly, what would I do with someone new? Would I even know how to act?
Seems every year around this time there is a debate that touches into widowhood on the debate board. I don't think it's an accident. Just a friendly reminder, that yes he is still here, that yes he knows I still hurt. I wish he would just hug me tonight, and then he could kiss me. I wish he would do the same for our son, who has missed so much with his dad.
I cry for my son, I cry for myself. I cry for this hole that I carry around in my heart. Yearly the wounds open as if they never closed, and the tears flow. And while most ppl view their new year as a happy event, at this time of year for me, it is the Saddiversary.
I'm sorry T (I know I haven't been on much)
It seems like it is so hard for 5 months out of the year for me. It starts with Thanksgiving, Christmas, new years, James' b-day, Jordan's b-day, and JD's b-day... then there is Feburary, when we were told he had cancer, July when he was so horrably sick the whole month, August when I lost him, October when we would take our trip every year durring my birthday.... now that I think about it it can pretty much suck 365...
This was what I did in Janurary BLOG
Jennie mom to Jordan 1/01 and JD 3/03
Married Best friend James 6/27/92, lost him 8/4/04
So far it is not easy. I get upset and want mom even more when I am prego. Or Peter will do somthing cute and I want to call and tell her about it. I miss our nightly calls.