lost a parent suddenly or a loved one. To those who do not know me, I am Lizzy a proud PO member for almost 5 years. My older brother John appeared at my door step in the early hours of Friday, May 5th to inform me that my dad had passed away suddenly at the age of 71. I started crying uncontrollaby and I kept repeating over and over, "No, he's not." My dad had been in the hospital for 8 days due to high blood sugars, and he had pnumonia, they also discovered he had a rhythm problem with his heart. Admittedly, my dad hadn't taken care of himself for years, he wasn't an old man, age-wise but physically he looked 10 years older. :sad11: He was released from the hospital on Wednesday, May 3rd at 5pm, and he passed on Friday, May 5th at approximately 7am. My parent's slept in seperate rooms due to my dad's excessive snoring :-? and my mom woke to hear him breathing very shallow breaths, and he was blue....she freaked, called 911, but he was gone....the coroner said he didn't struggle as the bed clothes were not disturbed. At my mom's urging, I said goodbye to my father while he was in his bed, and this has been my nightmare ever since. I can't get the expression on his face out of my head, I also remained when the funeral home came and the sound of the gurney on the steps of my parent's front porch.....it is awful, I do not sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, I can't sleep in darkness, I put on a phisod each and every day for my family....my mom and brothers know I am devastated, as my dh knows....but I have three children to care for, and my youngest is only 8 weeks old. I find that my grief is in waves....one minute I can be laughing, the next sobbing. My biggest fear is that I will not wake up in the morning, I can't believe I just typed that. I need grief counselling so very badly. Are my feelings normal? I have lost both sets of my grandparents, a favourite uncle, a paternal aunt, and a maternal aunt, and a best friend of cancer....I didn't think my pain could be so raw and never ending. I apologize for such a lengthy post, I would appreciate any feedback. Thanks. P.S. the one thing I do take comfort in, is that I told my dad I loved him a week before he passed, while he was in the hospital and I hadn't told him that for 20 years.