Reading the posts that have been put up makes me realize I am not alone in my grief. I am so sorry for the losses that you all have experienced. My little girl is due May 4th and I can't wait for her to come because I am ready to see a new life and not have to see death for a little while. During this pregnancy, my mom died of a long battle with cancer. She died on January 8th. Having her go before ever seeing my baby has been so hard. While she was sick I kept telling her that she just had to hold on long enough to see the baby and my doctor had even said that he would deliver me up to a month early. When I realized that her health was getting worse, I finally had to talk to her and tell her that is was okay if she didn't get to see the baby. That was the hardest thing for me to say because I really wasn't feeling that way. My husband and I did get to pick the baby's name before she died and we did tell her, but we are keeping it a secret until the baby comes because we both feel that it is the last connection that we have with her. I miss her so much I can hardly stand it sometimes. After she died I started having problems with my heart which I really think is due to stress, but my doctor has run a lot of tests just to be sure. They have all come back normal. My mom was just always here for me when there was a problem and it is hard not having her during all of this. On top of my mom's death, I also lost my aunt to cancer 5 months ago and my sister-in-law had a stillborn last month. I don't want to have to go to another funeral for a long time after all of this.
My MIL passed away from cancer, and it broke my DH's heart. I don't think he ever recovered from losing his mom.
The way I like to think of it, is that they are always just a thought away now. You can just think of how much you love and miss your mom, and she will know in an instant.
I always secretly thought that my ds got to meet his grandmother before he even got to meet his parents. It's just a nice thought I like to think of when I feel depressed about death. It helps.... I hope you have a healthy last month of pregnancy.
My Guardian Spirit Richard 03/18/57 - 02/18/01
"Life is hard, it's harder if you're stupid"
(((hugs))) sweetie. I know it's a hard thing to go through. I lost my grandpa when I was pg with my ds and it was really tough. I think it is really sweet that the only person you shared the name with was your mother. I'm not sure if you are a sriritual person or not but I believe that your mother is watching over you and she will get to see that beautiful baby.
Take care of yourself in the last month of your pregnancy, you need to make sure that you and that baby are alright and healthy.
Remember we are here if you need to talk. I see that you are new to the site. Please update and let us know how you are.
I lost my mom 16 days before having my first child, she had cancer also. I to just wanted him to be born but she was so bad at the end I had to just tell her it will be ok and you can go now don't hang on in pain for us.
Labor for me was so hard. I could not belive I was going to have to be a mom to this little person when all I wanted in the world was my own mom back or to be with me as I was in labor. We did tell mom what his name would be before she passed and like you she was the only one to know.
Well after the baby was born he did not look like the name we had told her it was going to be but to me he looked just like a Peter. Peter was her madien name. I think it was ment to be that she passed before we had him if not I don't think he would have been named Peter and to us there is nothing better in the world then to have him named after her now. It helped me bond with him witch can be hard to do after such a loss.
After 33 hours of labor 3 of that pushiing and then a c-section we say he did not come out because mom was to bussy holding onto him before he was born.
I wish you a happy birth, she will be with you,
I'm very sorry for your loss of mother. It is very difficult to bear the loss i think, but we have to bear the loss of these sudden deaths in our future. Please be quite bold and optimistic in your life for containing your health concerns important.