How To Say Good-Bye
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Thread: How To Say Good-Bye

  1. #1
    Contributor
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    Dec 2003
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    louisiana
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    Default How To Say Good-Bye

    This is my first time here and it is hard for me to talk about my loss, cause I feel no one really understands. It has been 3 years now since my little girl has passed on. September 6-9,2000. Each day seems to get a little easier until you see something that remimds you of what you lost. Here's my story: This was my second pregnancy. I was healthy, the baby was moving around, everything was fine. When I went in for my last check up- 4 weeks before the baby was due, the doctors found a problem. The ultra sound showed what appeared to be a "hole" in my baby's stomache. The doctors couldn't figure it out, so they sent me to a specialist 150 miles away. So I went and the whole time I am thinking that maybe they just thought they seen something cause I have had no complications. Well, another ultra sound was done by these doctors and found that I had ALOT of amionic fluid around the baby. They said they needed to remove it and use it to run test to see if the baby was ok. So, I agreed and ended up staying in this hospital for 2 weeks while my daughter,7 y.o., was 150 miles away from me. Everday, 2 times a day I had this procedure done. The doctors told me that it didn't look good. They said that baby wasn't going to live, cause she had multiple birth defects from what the test showed, but can't determine how severe until she is born. The doctors said that if I didn't go into labor on the 4th that they would induce my labor so I could have her. The whole time I am thinking that I am going to have a healthy little girl on my other daughters birthday, the 4th. Well that didn't happen. I ended having an emergency c-section done on the 6th. When they took her from me she wasn't breathing, I didn't even hear her cry. I was able to glance over at her, but never got to hold her. They took her to NICU "IMMEDIATELY"!! That's when I knew something was really wrong. That's when reality set in. As they took her away, my heart stopped for a moment and all I could do was think about how much I love her. When I was taken from the recovery room back to my room I called my family and told them things were not good and that they needed to come, but not to bring my other daughter, cause I didn't know how it would affect her. Most women have to wait several hours before they are made to get up and walk after having a C-section, but not me. The thought of my daughter lieing there, not knowing, gave me the strength to get up, 3 hours after having her, and walk up 2 flights of stairs to be with her. The love for my daughter gave me that ability. I wasn't going to let anyone stop me. I didn't want pain medication, I didn't want food or water, I only wanted to spend what time I had left with my daughter. I sat by her side day and night for 4 days. I couldn't hold her, I couldn't touch her, all I could do was pray. She was so beautiful. She was 8lbs. 4oz. and there was alot wrong that no one could really see. X-rays were done and found that her lungs were paper thin and on the end to collapse. She had fluid on her brain. She had down-syndrome. She had a condition that considered her as a dwarf. Her hands were disfigured. She had no elbows. She had no knees. She had little round balls that should have been her toes. She had a feeding tube in her stomache cause her digestive system didn't form properly. She had a tube down her throat so she could breathe and constantly on pain medication. Her spinal cord didn't develope, and what hit me most was when they told me she was a "he"!! I was having twins and she formed as one! Female outside with male organs inside. The doctors didn't know how long she would live. Some of the BEST doctors around couldn't do anything for her. She had died twice and they brought her back. So, I had to make a decision. I loved so much that I didn't want to let her go, but I knew she was in pain and she would have no life. So, on day 4 I made my decision to let her go when I asked her to open her eyes just one time to let me know that you are going to be ok and that momma can let you go. As God as my witness, she opened her eyes as I was holding her hand and she looked at me, and with all she had left in her little body, she squeezed my hand. The doctors took her off the machines and I then was able to hold my daughter for the first time. She took 4 small breathes and then died in my arms. Now someone PLEASE tell me if you are reading this, "HOW DO YOU SAY GOOD_BYE?" It has been 3 years and it still feels like yesterday. My daughter was expecting a sisiter when I returned home and all I could do was tell her I love her. She asked me, " Momma, why couldn't God had taken me so my sissy could live?" It was hard enough leaving the hospital without my daughter and driving 150 miles to be with my other daughter. When does the pain stop? How do you go on? I try, but all the little babies I see are a reminder to me. I named her Kerrie Lynn and she was born 9-6-00 and died 9-9-00.
    Lisa Hill

  2. #2
    campin mom
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    I was just browsing. I have no advice. Other then to say I am so sorry. I have had friends loose a child. They say with time you learn to live, some days are better then others and then some days are worse then others. I heard a saying that grief if like loosing an arm, you don't get over it you just learn to live without it. Your in my prayers! I hope my repley didn't hurt, but let you know someone was thinking of you today!
    Lynn

  3. #3
    Super Poster
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    848

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    I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my almost 5 year old daughter in July of last year. It is still so hard and I'm sure it always will be. (((hugs))) to you.
    Jamie
    Jacob 6/23/00,
    Joshua 10/18/04
    Elijah 1/8/09
    Amber 8/5/98-7/7/03


  4. #4
    Contributor
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Regina, SK, Canada
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    4

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    I was just browsing the site for the first time and read your posting. I lost my son last year, at five years. He was born without a heart rate or resperations after fourty minutes of resusitaton the were able to save his body but not his brain. the result was over 50% brain tissue loss from lack of oxygen. His five years on earth were long and painful for him. First of all I want to commend you on your bravery to say enough when you felt your daughter didn't need to suffer any more. You ask how to say good-bye. I don't think you ever will. You will always remember her. I think it is better to find ways to commemerate her short time here. plant a tree or donate to a charity were her name could be placed on a plaque. There are many web sites with great ideas. Try to remember that every life has value, wether it be for just a few moments or 100 years. I will always think of Justin as a great teacher even though he never spoke or walked I learned to value the gifts I have been given. I am not trying to say that I have coped with his death or am "over it". I don't think I ever will be, I still cry all the time, but I try to look at the children I still have and be grateful, and to be thankful for the time I had with him. If you havn't done so yet I would recomend counsiling. I have been going on and off for the last year and sometimes it helps. The best advice I can give you is to not let this consume your whole life. Try to find ways to move on and grow stronger from what you have learned. You will never get over it or forget the pain but learning to deal with it is possible. I wish you the best of luck and hope what I have had to say will help even a little bit by knowing you are not alone. This is probably the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone and as time passes it will get better.
    Mom to Justin 02/17/1998-06/21/2003, Aurora 12/24/2003, step mom to Madison 01/23/1999, and a baby due June 1st, 2005

  5. #5
    Contributor
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Regina, SK, Canada
    Posts
    4

    Default

    I was just browsing the site for the first time and read your posting. I lost my son last year, at five years. He was born without a heart rate or resperations after fourty minutes of resusitaton the were able to save his body but not his brain. the result was over 50% brain tissue loss from lack of oxygen. His five years on earth were long and painful for him. First of all I want to commend you on your bravery to say enough when you felt your daughter didn't need to suffer any more. You ask how to say good-bye. I don't think you ever will. You will always remember her. I think it is better to find ways to commemerate her short time here. plant a tree or donate to a charity were her name could be placed on a plaque. There are many web sites with great ideas. Try to remember that every life has value, wether it be for just a few moments or 100 years. I will always think of Justin as a great teacher even though he never spoke or walked I learned to value the gifts I have been given. I am not trying to say that I have coped with his death or am "over it". I don't think I ever will be, I still cry all the time, but I try to look at the children I still have and be grateful, and to be thankful for the time I had with him. If you havn't done so yet I would recomend counsiling. I have been going on and off for the last year and sometimes it helps. The best advice I can give you is to not let this consume your whole life. Try to find ways to move on and grow stronger from what you have learned. You will never get over it or forget the pain but learning to deal with it is possible. I wish you the best of luck and hope what I have had to say will help even a little bit by knowing you are not alone. This is probably the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone and as time passes it will get better.
    Mom to Justin 02/17/1998-06/21/2003, Aurora 12/24/2003, step mom to Madison 01/23/1999, and a baby due June 1st, 2005

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