I don't know how you guys cope
You are all so brave.. I still have no idea how to cope.. It just seems like I think of nothing else other than her loss these days. And we haven't even hit 6 months yet. I am not sure why her death has been so hard for me to try and move past. I really am not any better than when I found out. I still cry almost everyday. I mean it's not like hysterical crying. I only did that for the first week. I go days without sleep. And watch that show over and over but only if the kids and my hubby are sleeping so I can cry in peace. She's not the first person in my family to ever die. But I have never reacted like this over any one else. Only one that came even close was when my grandfather died. I was his favorite and I knew it, and I adored him. Yet when I found out about Denise being kidnapped I'm screaming hysterical in the phone and my husband is rushing home because I am so hysterical he can't figure out who I'm screaming was kidnapped. He thought it was one of our kids. She was one of my oldest nieces. The name thing was an accident. She was 3 when I married into the family, but I always thought it was cool to have a niece with the same first name. I worry that if I am still this upset will it ever get any better. My marriage is already feeling the strain. I know he is getting tired of me either being upset all the time or pissed off all the time.. And sometimes it's both. I will be really sad one minute and pissed the next. My husband will avoid the topic if he can because of this. He tried to talk it out with me for awhile, but because it does upset me and then enrage me all over again he stopped. Even my family has stayed away from this. My husband wanted to blame Dateline as my problem. It only aired a few weeks ago and I have been having this problem more than a few weeks. I will admit it didn't help. It really fueled my anger to watch the sheriff say it's not our fault. I wanted to go slash some tires after that one, but I would never do anything like that. I would think that way. Besides who do you think they bill them tires for? I was just wondering if anyone cared to share of ways that helped them started on the road to trying to heal.
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