My grandmother passed away on Jan.3 She was 84 yrs old and had 2 strokes (one after another). She lived for about 1 week then died. My grandma was like a mother to me, she raised me and showed me wonderful things. I didn't attend her funeral because she lived outside the country & due to my pregnancy and health(I was on medical leave due to a fall for the entire month of Dec) my family felt it wasn't safe for me to travel. Plus, my BP had been high during my last few doctor's visits.
I feel so guilty from not being there, at least to see her for the last time. But sometimes I feel it was best b/c now I can remember her happy and alive. She was so excited for my pregnancy and was even willing to travel to the U.S. to spend time with me and the baby.
When I get sad, I try to think about my baby and no cry so much. I know this is not the best time to cope with grief. Gettng depressed is not an option either, because this can harm my baby. But sometimes is so hard not to express one's feelings.
I try to be strong for my mother (who's absolutely devasted after my grandma's death). I try to make her laugh, & always talk about grandma's jokes. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding so much inside and one day I'll just explode. I can't help to feel so much guilt.