missing my mother and pregnant

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Joined: 11/27/06
Posts: 5
missing my mother and pregnant

I think about my mom everyday... I lost her to breast cancer on October 23rd 2006...so little over a month and half now... She was fighting breast cancer for 8 years... such a good woman, warm smile and happy... She was too young... 52 years old... I miss her a lot... She wanted me and my husband so badly to have a baby but I was scared b/c I felt that I was too young and wanted my husband and I to be financially ready... I'm 26 and he's 29... we've been married for a 2 1/2 years. we bought our 1st house a year ago and I just wanted to be financially ready... I miscarried in Aug with my first pregnancy and it was so hard to tell her what happened but she told us to take our time and the next time it'll all work out...
I had a positive preg test the day we buried her... My due date is July 5th... my mom's birthday is July 8th... I know she was looking over us... but I want her here... sharing our happiness... giving her full support and helping me raise my child
I had my first u/s today... my younger sister was with me and as soon as I saw the baby and it was moving... I started to cry b/c my mom liked to dance and was always such a happy woman and I started to think about her...

I'm in the dental field and it gets me upset when patients or co workers complain about their mothers... I think to myself at least you have yours and to make the most of it and to respect them b/c they won't always be in our lives...

I just want her here and in the delivery room with me, cheering me on... I miss her so much

Joined: 05/29/06
Posts: 2

Hi there,

I just read your post and felt compelled to post a reply. Strange coincidence... My mom passed away on October 23rd as well, from Ovarian cancer. She was also 52. I have a seven month old daughter, Ava, who is the only grandchild my mom got to meet. I'm 25 and my husband is 30, and I have two younger sisters and a younger brother. I was able to have my mom in the delivery room with me, which was a huge blessing. My mom was my best friend.

I know how you feel, although I can't imagine how incredibly difficult it is to be awaiting the arrival of your baby having just lost your mom. That said, whenever people try to "relate" to me, they always say "Well, at least she got to meet Ava~ you must appreciate that." And I do, of course I do, but at the same time I want to scream at them that it's not enough. My daughter won't remember my mom, she won't know what it's like to walk into a room and have her grandma's face light up at the sight of her amazing grand daughter. With cancer, particularily breast or ovarian, women seem to spend each day on borrowed time and I found that a lot of people felt at liberty to point that out. "You're lucky that she lived so long." Lucky? My mom was the healthiest person I've ever known. She never smoked, drank or experimented with drugs. She was an avid marathon runner, she ate an organic diet. She was a fiercely passionate, curious and warm woman with an amazing sense of humour and a lot left to do in the world.

Anyway, not meaning to go on and on about myself. Just wanted to let you know that I can empathize completely with what you're experiencing right now. Please feel free to email me if you want to talk more.

Joined: 11/27/06
Posts: 5

I really appreciated your post, since I was almost ready to stop using this website due to people reading the post and not replying... i thought this place was to encourage and help people.
I'm sorry for your loss. It has been especially hard during the holidays but I've been trying to keep the family together. My mom was the same way, very active lifestyle, ate very healthy, never smoked or drank and was always a happy woman... If she could've done more chemo and radiation, she would've... she really wanted to LIVE Life and she truly tried her hardest to make the best out of things...

Thank you for your kind words... My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You have to show Ava pictures and keep your mom's memory alive... My husband and I will try to do that with our baby, show pictures of my mom as well as my husband's father

I don't know who will be in the delivery room with me, most likely my husband and my 22 year old sister... My mother in law wants to come out for the birth but since I hardly know her, I told my husband that I'm going to be selfish b/c it's going to be hard not having my mom there in the delivery room that my MIL can come out a few weeks after the birth if she wants to...

take care and hope to hear from you soon Merry Christmas


Joined: 05/29/06
Posts: 2

Hi again~ sorry it took me so long to reply! I rarely get a chance to sit down and type because my daughter is crawling now and I can't take my eyes off her, but I actually did compose another fairly long response about a week ago, only to have the fickle gods of the internet freeze my computer.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I've pm'd you my email address, and if you feel like corresponding, I'd love to keep in touch. It's rare to find other women who are in a similar life situation who just lost their mothers... it's a very unique place to be. I also picked up 'Tuesdays With Morrie', btw, and really enjoyed it.

How are things going? Hope to hear from you soon!

Joined: 11/27/06
Posts: 5
update losing both parents

I'm 33 weeks now... I lost my father 2 weeks ago... He was 55 years old... The doctor's gave him a clean bill of health 2 months ago but told him to cut back on smoking... After my mother died he was so stressed out that he was smoking a lot. He met another woman and was planning on getting married in November 2007. My family wasn't against the marriage, we just wanted him to take his time before marrying again since my mother passed away not very long ago...

Well I came home from work on Friday April 27th 2007 and I called my Dad to see how he was doing... He said he was ok and that he was going to run out to Walmart and that he'd see me this weekend and he told me to slow down and not work the remainder of my pregnancy... I assured him I was feeling good and not to worry about me, told him I loved him and we hung up the phone...
2 hours later, my sister calls me to tell me the ambulance driver called her and said my dad had blacked out and they were taking him to the emergency room... I got in the car, drove 40 min to the ER to find out he had a heart attack and had passed away...The nurses were pushing me to go see him but I was alone and didn't want to by myself in case I went into labor or something... I waited for my sister and she came 1 hour later.

We got through the arrangements with the help of my husband and my family and now the shock of him really not being there is starting to get to us... We are trying to manage his estate and do all the necessary things to settle his estate... Definitely a little overwhelming...

*** I lost both my mother and father in a 6 month period. I'm sad that my child will never know the grandparents that wanted this baby so bad...
My heart hurts and I'm scared to deliver this baby and raise him/her without both of my parents...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I just came over here by clicking on the wrong board. I just want to say I am sooooo sorry for the lose of your mother and father! I lost my mother to breast cancer July of 2001. It was the same story very healthy, took care of herself, etc. She did get to meet 4 of my 5 children. All I can say is after almost 6 years you will always miss her and still shead tears. The pain goes from being a heartache with a sword. To a I will always miss her and longing to here her voice as my kids do something cute or make their First Communion, etc. Only 2 of my kids really remember her. I do keep her alive by saying things like if you Grandmother was here she would be right next you enjoying her ice cream too. My mom loved ice cream. We go through pictures and I have scrape book, I hate to do my 5th child's first pages, because I know that will be the only book she will not be in or a picture of holding Kathaleen. Yes, I know she kissed Kathaleen and sent her down here, because the pregnancy was so unplanned, but Kathaleen is such a blessing! I can't imagine or know how you feel, but know I will be thinking of you especially as you go through the birth of your first child! My grandmother just died last night, and my Dad is having a hard time, I don't think it is ever easy to loose a parent, especially when they are so young. My grandmother is 90, my mother was 56.

snowbutton's picture
Joined: 05/16/07
Posts: 4

your post truly touched me, it made me cry, i know exactly what your going through with m/c, dealing with death of a parent when they were too damn young to die and then becoming pregnant right after a loss, its makes you wonder how to deal with so much esp. when your hormones are raging, my story is sadly alot like yours the only differences are it was my father and he wasnt sick, well he was but we didnt know and neither did he, he died of heart disease...i truly feel for you, and wish you the best...

mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843

I too feel your pain. My loss was nearly 3 1/2 years ago now. Mom too died to young of Kidney cancer 16 days before my DS was born. I cried int eh delivery room and had the worst birth. Everyone kept thinking I was in pain. But I was not only a broken hart and I did not want to be a mom without my mom. But it was a blessing in disguise, Peter is the best thing that ever happened to us and the one light of hope mom had knowing he was on the way when she passed. We named him after her, her maiden name was Peter so he will always know that. WE too say my labor was hard because mom was to busy hold on to him with her she did not want to let him come down to us.

StephanieJune's picture
Joined: 01/19/08
Posts: 103

My mom died of breast cancer on July 24, 2006. She was 52 years old. I was 16 years old. She was diagnosed during the summer of 2000. She fought hard to stay with me and my younger sister for 6 years, but she didn't make it to my high school graduation in 2007. I just had a miscarriage on Friday, February 1. I am very sad to see my baby leave me, but I like to think that he/she is in my mother's arms, looking down on me from heaven.

bluefly78's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 1

i am five months pregnant, and miss my mother so much right now. she passed away from an unexpected and rare form of cancer in 2005. ironically, she was an oncology nurse! she was only 49...and died exactly one month from her 50th bday. i cant tell you how many days i've burst into tears thinking about how much i need her right now, how much i miss her, how much i want her advice, hugs and encouragement. she was my best friend in the whole world, and the day she died i not only felt that part of my heart had been carved out, but that this world lost an amazing contributor. on top of everything, she was a fantastic mother, and i hope every day that i will make her proud and become the mom she wanted me to be. i understand completely what this loss means, and it seems incredibly unfair that we our robbed of what should be our most sacred and trusted muse during this most important time. i remember telling her when she was sick how much i wanted her to be able to see my children...and she'd smile and tell me that she would, just from another place. i try and remember that when i'm at my saddest, when i feel at my lowest....that she is here, just not as i would like her to be.

losing a parent is club that no one ever wants to be in. if anyone ever wants to talk about it, message me!

Smile A

Joined: 05/29/08
Posts: 2

I am 28 and am not pregnant yet. I lost my mom in January in a very sudden car accident. I lost my dad about 2 1/2 years ago, my paternal grandmother 15 days before my dad and the only grandfather i ever knew a year and a week after we buried my dad. So I can truly relate to the immense loss you feel when your mother is no longer here.

My husband and I are hoping to have a baby sometime in the near future. I am happy, just a little scared and sad all at the same time about doing this without both of my parents. I already have high blood pressure so I may already be a high-risk pregenancy. Any tips on how to not thing about the sad parts as much and keep my stress down would be great.

Joined: 11/01/06
Posts: 2

I'm not sure if anyone will read this, but I wanted to reply to alrankin.

I lost my mom very suddenly 4 and half years ago. I had been married, but I hadn't had a child yet. When I finally decided that I was ready to have a child (which took a long time), I really struggled with not having her there. I cried many times about it and frankly still do. Yet I did have to figure out how to deal. My best friend told me at one point something that did seem to help me. She said, "What better guardian angel for your daughter than your mom?"

This thought offered me comfort. My mom - the woman I loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world - is now watching over my daughter and keeping her safe and comforted at all times. While nothing replaces her loss, I know she is always with me and with my daughter.

I'm not sure if that will help or if you'll even read it, but I thought I would try.

My sincerest condolences to everyone here who has had to suffer a loss.

Joined: 06/27/09
Posts: 50

Hi giyoung1,
I read your post and its really heartbreaking. I m so sorry for your loss. Its such a horrible tragedy and so painful to you. My friends mom also diagnosed with breast cancer and died last year. My friend crying all the time when his mother passed. Its so hard time and I can't see my friends face.
He felt so lonely, I tried to give him console but he cried again and again. I know mother love is very important for child and we needs our parents. There are no mean to live in this world without our parents. God give you difficult time and you should live in this world. I know its very difficult to you. Death is reality of life and death spares nobody. Everyone going to heaven one day. Be strong and think about your future life because life is very big.
My prayers and wishes always with you.
May God bless you.
(((((((((HUGS FOR YOU)))))))))