Our Stories

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rickydiculous's picture
Joined: 02/14/02
Posts: 140
Our Stories

I'm editting this post to include everyone. Feel free to share your story here. Sometimes just talking about it helps.


rickydiculous's picture
Joined: 02/14/02
Posts: 140
Post from previous board


My name is Teresa and it is coming up to the one year mark on my husband, Richard's death. We have a son who is now 2 named Ricky.

My husband died from a heart attack while he was driving.... he had pulled over onto a side street and passed out in the car....by the time he was discovered and rushed to hospital he could not be revived and he had respiratory failure.

In the past year I have had much anger... blaming myself for not taking care of him better, blaming him for not taking care of himself better, blaming myself for letting him go out that night.... but I have since learned that the anger only hurts me more and that it's pretty futile because it's not going to bring him back. I know he loved me and his son and I love him to no end, but he is gone now and I'll have to wait to hug him in my dreams.

Please share your stories those of you who belong on this board. We are here to support you in your time of need, celebrate with you as you pass the milestones with strength, and cry with you as your strength falters. Death of a spouse is a pretty difficult journey to take, but with guidance and support from others who understand and empathize, hopefully it will be a little easier.

Joined: 10/23/01
Posts: 47

I'm sorry to hear this Teresa, I didn't know you were a widow. I know he is still with you in spirit but I know you long to hold him again. I just by chance saw this addy of the gifted children board and came to visit. My dh is still living but I think I take him for granted sometimes...thanks for opening my eyes Wink


rickydiculous's picture
Joined: 02/14/02
Posts: 140

Kokemuma, thanks for posting. That's very sweet of you. I know that my Richard is with me whenever I need him, but occasionally I just wish I could get a hug. :cry:

But I am thankful for the greatest gift that any person could share.... my son.

Joined: 05/02/04
Posts: 1
Death of my Fiance

I came across this site as i was doing a search on how to deal with the loss of my fiance. Today makes exactly one month since he passed away. He was 27 yrs old and had lupus with kidney failure. He was on dialysis. The acess site for his dialysys was going bad and the doctors felt that he had a new one placed in his arm. He was resistive to have this procedure done. I begged him to do it so that he would stop having bleeding problems after each dialysis session. He agreed. They put a temporary acess catheter in his chest which began to bleed 7 hours later. This was suppose to be an outpatient procedure. The doctors could not get the blood to clot so he was admitted overnight. At about 2:30 am April 1, 2004, he was taken to emergency surgery to have the catheter removed. After that he continued to bleed and ultimatly had to have a tube placed to help him breathe since he was bleeding eternally. 24 hours later he was dead. I was told that the blood was surpresseing one major vein in his chest that caused him to have a heart attack.
I am devasted. We were together for 10 months. I was 7 months pregnant at the time of his death with his son. I am still pregnant and the baby is healthy despite my emotional condition. Our relationship was shakey but in the last months, we had worked through all the issues and had set a second wedding date and focused on our future. I am trying to be strong in order to bring this baby in this world. It is so difficult. All I can think about is the time we wasted being irritated with each other or arguing. The last images I have is the last breaths that he took with me holding him.
I don't know how to get passed this and not feel guilty for making him have the procedure done. We could have had more days or maybe one more month but at the time I thought that it was the best thing at the time. I know that God has a plan and even though from my religion's perspective we were living in sin and shacking up and having premarital sex. We created a son because the lord knew that his daddy would not be here and now this is his legacy. Ultimately I have no regrets but I just need to get rid of this guilt I still feel...

rickydiculous's picture
Joined: 02/14/02
Posts: 140

Hi, kulinroli,

Welcome to the site, and welcome to the board. I do hope you come back. Although it's rather quiet on this board, I find it quite helpful to write down and share in how I am feeling. For the longest time I felt a lot of guilt (and often I still do) about how I could have helped my DH with a better lifestyle so he wouldn't have had a heart attack.

But am now after 3 years finally coming to peace that I really couldn't have done anything; it was his life. And in your case, ultimately it was his decision, I'm sure he was in as much pain over the procedures as you were in watching him have them done. Guilt after your beloved's death is just another step one must get through, you will do it, and as with everything, it will take time.

I hope you will return to this site... I have found a nice little community on a bunch of the boards here.. but when I need that time to reflect, I come back here and hope even if there aren't that many posters, that if someone reads these boards and is my position, that I will have helped in some unseen way.

:comfort: and best of luck with your new baby. You'll see, when he/she is born, suddenly you will have a constant reminder of your love for each other.

Joined: 07/04/04
Posts: 1

Peace be with you girls and peace be upon your loved one who have left so early.
They are still with you and love you.
take care,

rickydiculous's picture
Joined: 02/14/02
Posts: 140


New changes are coming to these boards and there's a chance of losing some threads, so I'm bumping the ones that are pretty old.

Joined: 02/01/05
Posts: 2
Thank You

Well, you're not the only one anymore. I'm so glad that I found this part of this site. Smile

I'm relatively new to pregnancy.org, but that's only because I'm just 13 weeks pregnant (my due date is 30 Sept). In all the happiness that surrounds this time in a persons life, I find it difficult to not be enveloped by sadness. My husband of 6 months was killed when he lost control of the tractor trailer he was driving on March 3. He was an excellent driver, and no one really knows why he lost control. But he did.

I would welcome the chance to chat with anyone who needs comforting. I know that I'm going through this for a reason - I just don't know the reason. I'm looking forward to holding my baby in my arms - the last and most perfect gift my husband gave to me.

Sarah Ewald
Glenwood, AR

Joined: 09/15/02
Posts: 61

Sarah Hi, I'm Jennie. I lost my husband August 4th 2004 to a rare form of cancer. Some days it still feels raw and fresh, other times it feels like years ago. I was left with a 3 year old daugher (jordan) and an 18 month old son (James Jr, we call him JD). Jordan is now 4 and JD just turned 2.
Teresa is a great person and a wonderful comfort. Feel free to post here or PM either of us if U want something private. "T" has helped me to know that some of the things I have gone through was "not just me".
I'm hoping you can find more happiness in this pregnancy and I am so sorry for your loss.

Joined: 05/05/03
Posts: 47

Here is my story, sorry it took me so long to post about all this. Up until now I didn't really have the courage to do so.

In the last few years I have lost numerous people that have been close to me. Almost 2 years ago I lost my grandpa to a long, hard battle with cancer. I know he is not in pain anymore but it still hurts. We were so close and my little girl was his pride and joy. He never got to see my son, I was 6 months pg with Lane when he passed. I still think about him on a daily basis and I know my daughter does too. I catch her looking in his old chair when we are at my grandma's house, she will look at it and say papa, and she just gets this huge grin on her face.

Since then I have also lost my great grandma, an uncle, and an aunt. But even those weren't as hard as the last.

Last month, I lost my best friend. She was 19 a few years younger than me, she still had a full life to live. She had a liver transplant last year and her body never adjusted to the new liver and she was always in the hospital. I still can't really talk about what happened without bursting out in tears. I miss her so much. She was so good with the kids and they loved her to death. She was on life support for that last day and a half, and on the last day they were going to take her off the machines, but she didn't let them. She died 10 minutes before they were suppost to turn the machines off.

Joined: 11/15/06
Posts: 1
Our story...

It was 3 weeks after the death of my 6 year old daughter that I found out I was pregnat with my 3rd child.

I am a single mother, 26 years old. My oldest daughter, Alisha passed away on October 6th to a super bacterium that sent her into toxic shock. She lived a live full of doctors, procedures and surgeries. Alisha was born 7 weeks premature with a birth defect called Gastroschisis. She ultimatly recieved a stomach, pancreas, liver and small intestional transplant when she was 8 months old. It was October 4th and she came down with what I thought was the flu. By the 6th of October, her heart just couldnt hold out any longer and she succumbed to the infection in her blood. It has been hard on me and my 4 year old, Carlee but we are taking it day by day. I have hope after learning I am now carrying a child. There is a bit of grey area when it comes to the father of this child. I guess I am just looking for a place to relate, to vent, to share stories and meet people. I know it is going to be hard and I am extremly scared. I also know Carlee and I will be ok, that this baby will be ok. I am due June 24th, 2007. Anyway I look forward to getting to know you all, I think this will be good for me.

shmyela's picture
Joined: 12/25/05
Posts: 692

I shared my story last year with the other board I'm on here, but now am hesitant to put it on the web in case anyone is looking for it . . . my parents were murdered many years ago - that's about as general as I can make it and still provide some information.
If you would like me to share more information, pm me and I will - it seems only fair since I have read your stories.
((((hugs)))) for all of us dealing with loss.

StephanieJune's picture
Joined: 01/19/08
Posts: 103

Well, unlike you, my fiance did not die, but my mom did. My mom died on July 24, 2006. She was 52 years old. I was 16 years old. She was diagnosed with breast cancer during the summer of 2000. She had three surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation. She wanted to live to see me graduate from high school, and college, and get married and have children. I know she loved me and my sister, and that she tried really hard to be there for us. I will always love my mom. I still miss her every day, especially now that I had a miscarriage. I wish she could have been there to hold me, but I know that she was looking down on me from heaven.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

My daughter was 3 months old when my son was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor that mesastasized to his spine. My son had surgery and was started on very agressive chemo. He was on treatment for 11 months and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was reluctant to seek treatment but had too a month later. After all I had a hubby, son and daughter to live for. My son lost his battle 3 months later on February 20th 2003. I miss him so much. I have a huge void in my heart and wish he was here. I am a cancer survivor as well, just hit 5 year mark.