scared!!
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  1. #1
    Contributor
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    Oct 2005
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    Default scared!!

    HI! im new here and i'm on my 11th week, i am really scared for my baby, i've never had a complete rest because i just can't clear my mind of thoughts, i am only 23 years old and i am not married, i haven't been able to go to work for three weeks now cos i am not being transferred to a day shift yet and i almost can't get out of bed because of nausea and all those stuff, anyway, this is actually my second pregnancy and i lost my first baby due to this rare disease gastroschisis, i had a ceasarian section then because they cannot let my baby out through vaginal birth even though he was small becuse of his condition, he was 36 weeks old when i gave birth to him, i learned of his condition when iwas 5 months pregnant and my sonographer said that it was his first time to actually ultrasound a case of gastroschisis, i searched the net instatntly for gastroschisis and my hopes went up easily because i've learned that these cases have high rate of survival, but then i forgot that i am in the philippines and even tuberculosis patients here have very low survival rate because of lack of funds and help from the government and dishonest politicians, anyway i went to church almost everyday since then praying and hoping but to no avail, my baby only lived for 5 hours and he wasn't even in my arms because i was still unconscious, i wasn't able to hold him when he was still alive.. my mom and my sister and cousins were there with me and they said that my baby wasn't even crying but he was awake and that he looked as if he were in great pain...i had hoped and wished that if it only possible that he stay in my tummy for ever cos he was safe there, if it was only pssible that i carry him inside me till he grows up for him not to feel any pain... i have grieved for my baby's loss for 3 years and i still am grieving, but grieving because im really really scared that i might lose my baby again due to the same condition... i am really down right now...
    "my angel wherever he is, mommy wants you to know, you are always missed.." i love you

  2. #2
    Prolific Poster
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    i am so sorry! I am praying your newest bundle of joy is healthy and strong!

  3. #3
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    Sep 2005
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    Default Just Hold On

    I can relate to your situation. It will be one year this month since I lost my daughter. She was full term, four days old and victim of an undiagnosed chromosonal disorder. We had no idea that she was sick. We had presents under the tree!

    I just found out I am pregnant and I am struggling to maintain hope and actually enjoy this pregnancy. I am going to give it to you straight. Our children are not ours. We are simply borrowing them. They are His children. Some things are not meant for us to understand. Death is one of those things. I have a four year old and a husband and they are what keeps me hopeful. Whatever will be will be and worrying about it won't make it better; it can only make it worse. Wake up every morning blessed that you are able to experience this time you have with your new child. You are not replacing what you lost. He is very much part of your soul and there is nothing you can do to erase that. I hope to take every day, one day at a time and try to find the silver lining in every cloud, because there is one. Take it easy
    JessiJax

  4. #4
    Contributor
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    7

    Default Just Hold On

    I can relate to your situation. It will be one year this month since I lost my daughter. She was full term, four days old and victim of an undiagnosed chromosonal disorder. We had no idea that she was sick. We had presents under the tree!

    I just found out I am pregnant and I am struggling to maintain hope and actually enjoy this pregnancy. I am going to give it to you straight. Our children are not ours. We are simply borrowing them. They are His children. Some things are not meant for us to understand. Death is one of those things. I have a four year old and a husband and they are what keeps me hopeful. Whatever will be will be and worrying about it won't make it better; it can only make it worse. Wake up every morning blessed that you are able to experience this time you have with your new child. You are not replacing what you lost. He is very much part of your soul and there is nothing you can do to erase that. I hope to take every day, one day at a time and try to find the silver lining in every cloud, because there is one. Take it easy
    JessiJax

  5. #5
    Posting Addict Cassangel's Avatar
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    I pray all goes well!
    ~Cass~

    ~11 months now!~

    ~Amber & Gaby camping December 2007~

    http://www.myspace.com/cassangelique


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