The Second Year
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  1. #1
    Posting Addict rickydiculous's Avatar
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    Default The Second Year

    Well, I passed the second year anniversary ... got thru the tough months of many meanings that starts at Christmas and goes to March 18th which is Richard's birthdate.

    I know he still visits me, but don't remember so much. I just am aware of his familiar presence.

    Spring has sprung... but I don't really feel it... just feel a dullness, but thank goodness for my little Ricky, who helps me maintain the priorities in my life.

    I am still so very sad, but hope one day it won't be so hard.
    My Guardian Spirit Richard 03/18/57 - 02/18/01
    "Life is hard, it's harder if you're stupid"

  2. #2
    Posting Addict rickydiculous's Avatar
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    Default My Good Friday

    I went to Richard's grave today... Hadn't been there in months. It's harder now that we are a 45 minute drive away. But for some reason there was a definite pull today. First, I switch on the TV, do some channel surfing and what do i see? A paid advertisment for cemetarys... particularly, the one Richard is interred in! So then, all morning I'm thinking of him, and so i ask Ricky, wanna go see Daddy? He's so excited to go. He loves to decorate the memorial plate. (Richard was cremated and interred in a mausoleum) So then Ricky says.. I want to show daddy these stickers! I stop... and say, Ricky you realize that you won't actually be seeing daddy. He's dead, we are going to the cemetary. He looks at me, stung. He says, Why is my Daddy dead?

    My heart breaks into little pieces. I told him that his daddy's heart stopped, and then he just didn't come home one night and that's why daddy is dead. That seemed to suffice for now.

    We went, bought some flowers... Ricky said Daddy wants pink... Daddy loves pink . Richard used to wear pink shirts.. he did indeed love pink.

    We went to the cemetary.. put stickers up, gave daddy the flowers, Ricky fell off a ledge, and we went home... that was our Good Friday.

  3. #3
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    Hi i am so sorry for your loss, My ex passed on 5-11-01, He was the love of my life and it devastated me more than anything i have ever been through, I am coming up on 2 yrs now, i know how hard it is. My situation is a little bit different though see we were not together at the time, we had been split up for a little while.

    I used to have dreams every night about him ones similar to yours, i would just keep on asking him why he did what he did. Even sometimes i would dream that he was still alive but that i was the only one who knew, but i knew that he had past.

    If you ever need to talk about it, i am here. You can share your dreams with me or if you just need to vent, i will check up on this board, or you can pm me.

    Take care of yourself.
    Shawn & David

    EDD FEB 22 2005

  4. #4
    oceanprincess
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    rickydiculous, I am so sorry about your loss, it must be very hard for you to explain to DS about DH, Kids have a hard time understanding death, I know its not easy for you. as they say time will heal, take care girl

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    Posting Addict rickydiculous's Avatar
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    Thank you both for your sentiments. It is so hard raising a child around death. And because his Daddy is so obviously absent, Death is around us every day.

    Thank you for posting Honey... I think that when you love someone, you never really lose them all the way, even if they are not physically there. And the dreams mean so much... for me it signifies the last way our loved ones can communicate with us...

    As for the grave visit last Friday, I think that is what I needed because I don't feel so antsy anymore. I'm glad I followed my instincts and the pull that seemed to draw me to bring him the flowers. I think it was cathartic for both Ricky and I. I'm sure Ricky has been wondering for some time what happened to his Daddy; now that he is at Daycare and sees his friends with Daddys.

    Also, I had missed the Chinese holiday of CHING MING, where you go to clean the relatives/ancestors resting places. I didn't find out about it until after it happened. And so for me Good Friday was a CHING MING of sorts.

    OK, more later.
    My Guardian Spirit Richard 03/18/57 - 02/18/01
    "Life is hard, it's harder if you're stupid"

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    I definately know how you feel, whenever i would have something on my mind or anything i wuld go to his grave and sit and talk, made me feel alot better.

    I know this must be hard for your ds. How old is he?

    My ex had a baby on the way the girl was 9 months pg, he died a week before his dd was born he never even got to touch her beautiful face.
    Shawn & David

    EDD FEB 22 2005

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    Posting Addict rickydiculous's Avatar
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    My Guardian Spirit Richard 03/18/57 - 02/18/01
    "Life is hard, it's harder if you're stupid"

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    Posting Addict rickydiculous's Avatar
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