it was the saddest day of my life i had a fight with my LOVE that i knew since we were 15 he was 11 days older then me we were 19 i was pregnant with our son. we just had this big fight he went home to his parents house he called me and said he was going to a party,i said whatever.he continiosly called threwout the night.finally he told me he was going to kill himself i begged him not to.i called the cops i was outraged to find out they couldnt do anything til he tried to hurt himself. i begged them to help him they said they would call him aND I SHOULD GO HOME GET SOME SLEEP every thing be ok in the morning. well i didnt go home i went out to look for him i even called his parent they told me i was lying and they wanted nothing to do with me and my baby. i continued to look for him it was 2am i was tired and couldnt see straight i went to bed with a bad feeling. i woke up it was a normal day no phone calls no need to think anything was wrong i took a shower as i got out i heard the phone ring i thought it was him i answeRED .i was told that he hung himself do you know how betrayed i felt that my friends knew and his parents couldnt call me up i had to find out that way from a friend .then the cops came cause another one of friends asked them to check on me. his parents were overly kind to me at his funeral they told me they wanted to adopt my baby they made me so mad anyway they started harassing and threatned to take me to court to get custody of my unborn son it just got worse and worse i never felt so much emptiness and pain i wish everyday he could see our son i wish he was with me i wish i could of saved him. i wish i could of taken all his pain away i just wanna hold him one last time tell him i loved so much there will always be an emptiness and i know its been almost tWo yrs. and i miss him everyday im 21 and a single mom my son look just like his father i loved his father from the first time we met we were 15 and i thought wed always be together i guess i was wrong i never felt so alone none of my friend understand they try i dunno its so hard ecspecially when i see couples with their children and i think that could of been us.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And you must stop beating yourself up over his death. Have you been to counselling? I highly recommend it. It will help you immensely.
I can totally understand how hard it is seeing other happy couples. In the first couple of years, I resented everyone. I'd watch the news and resent the new anchors because they were alive and my DH wasn't. But eventually you will find happiness again. It will be a new happiness, different from what you had felt with your DBF.
And I think that we have our children is the greatest gift that our loved ones have left us with.
come back any time to vent, cry, or just share.
My Guardian Spirit Richard 03/18/57 - 02/18/01
"Life is hard, it's harder if you're stupid"