What's wrong with me?

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Lizzy1216's picture
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 02/28/03
Posts: 9
What's wrong with me?

Well it's been a little over 3 years since I lost my grandpa. and sometimes it seems like yesterday, today is one of those days. I was very clost to him. He retired early from the steele mill to come down on a regular basis to help my parents take care of so I didn't have to go to day care. Then every summer until I was 16 I spent with him, from the weekend after school let out until the the weekend before school started.

Here's what happened the day he past. I live in Ohio he lived in Pittsburg.We were 2 hrs apart. Well he past around 10 am. My uncle didn't call me or my mom at all. He called my dad at 5 pm. After he had already had my grandpa cermated. SO I never got to say good bye. WE had a memory service 5 days later. They wanted me to talk about him but I couldn't bring myself to it. My paster understood, my other uncle got up and talked. I could stop crying. I wish I could have. I regert not doing it. Then the next day we went to barry him with my grandma (she passed in 1991 and was cermated too) and my stupid uncle didn't even have to money to do that. He had to write a bad check because he seen how upset me and my mom were. At that time my dh and dad had to come home to take care of my babies. THey left us there with my uncle that I couldn't even look at, and my other uncle that I haven't seen since I was 5, and my 83 yr old great aunt. AS we went though his house we found boxes of pictures of me he spent the last 22 yrs of his left loving me. I feel like I let him down, at the end. Because I didn't go see him oftern enough. The last time I was there he was sick and we thought some of what he was doing was for attention and I wasn't. He had an allergy to one of his new meds. I wish I could tell him I was sorry and that I loved him more than I could tell him.

One of the wrost things was I was 2 day after my birthday, plus dh and me finally got an offer on a house accepted and he never knew. He has missed so much in the last 3 yrs. I graduated from college with a paralegal, had another baby, bought my house, and even went beack t o college to finish my ungrad degree.

To top everything off. My uncle that did all that lives in my grandpa's house, and last summer when we went up to see my aunt, I went over so he could see my new daughter and He wouldn't even open the door. I had to fight for what I even got, my grandma's hope chest is one thing. The only thing that I really really wanted he wouldn't give me it was a picture of my Grandpa in is WWII uniform. I want that picture more than words can say.

Well I have rembled enough sorry for being such an idit and for being so long.

Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 05/05/03
Posts: 47

Lizzy, ((hugs)) Sorry you are having such a rough time. There is nothing wrong with you. You will always grieve over your grandpa but eventually it will get easier. Have you told your uncle how much you would like to have the picture? I'm sorry he is making this harder on you. If you need to talk, vent, a shoulder to lean on or whatever I am here.


Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please try not to feel guilt for not seeing him as often as you think you should have. I'm sure he understands. I understand though...I just lost my mother about 2 weeks ago and I feel a tremendous amount of guilt. I know its hard not too. (((HUGEHUGS))) to you and your family.

Last seen: 6 years 9 months ago
Joined: 11/12/09
Posts: 18

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your Grandpa who loved you a lot. Please try to write an autopsy on him and collect all the pictures, things to recall him on his memorable day. Loving one are really never come back. I pray for you and your family.