Will I ever be able to live a normal life?

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Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 02/08/03
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Will I ever be able to live a normal life?

After the car accident, my whole world was turned upside down, and I honnestly don't know how to cope with the loss of my son, or with the loss of my SO. I wish I could put on a smile, and atleast pretend that I'm gonna be fine, but, I can't. I'm not normal anymore. I've been using alcohol and drugs to avoid dealing with everything,when, in the end, it only makes everything worse for me.
But, nothing is normal. Even though all of Trenton's things are packed and put away in storage, and I'm living with my parents now(for the time being) there ares till constant reminders. My parents haven't taken down pictures of him(which, I don't want them to do, but that's one). If I see babies his age, I cry, I look at my stretch-mark filled stomache, and realize that, he'S gone now, if I'm in wal-mart, I automatically still go to the Baby section, and try to remember what Trent needs, and then break down crying when I realize, he's gone. It can be very embarrassing at times.
And with my SO, his friends come around, which remind me of him, and I haven't gotten the strength to take off my engagement ring yet.
I'm going crazy.

Finzmom4's picture
Last seen: 4 years 5 months ago
Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 1130

Not really sure why I came to this board and why I read your post.

Just wanted to offer (((hugs))) to you and let you know that I will be thinking of you and praying that you are able to find comfort. I really can not speak to you from experience because I have never lost a child. I can only imagine the feelings that you are having.

I think and hope that eventually the pain of your losses will be lessened, although I know they will never go away.

Since you asked for advice -- maybe you could do something to honor your baby and SO -- start a scholarship in their names, become an advocate, even making a simple signature or blinky to honor them could be therapeutic.

I would also suggest that you look into groups in your area. I think if you had the support of people who are going through the same thing that it might be helpful to you.

Wishing you all the best,

Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I can't say enough how sorry I am that all of this happened. I know you probably get sick of hearing that though, huh?

The best thing you can do is NOT to bottle things up, and try to just let it go away. It's good that you don't want your parents to take the pics down. Hard as they are to see all the time, it's better to face things instead of putting them away. And it's okay to think or talk about them. I know people may think it is awkward but screw them, this is your life and you have to live it. And the best advice I can give you is WRITE IT DOWN. Write down everything you can. Write everything from the time Trent was born, and also the day you met your SO, up until the end. One day the memories will be gone (or at least very badly faded) and you will regret not having them. Let it hurt. Scream and cry and rant and if you must, have a cigarette (but not drugs or alcohol). Keep the ring on. One day the time will come to take it off and put it away but until then, don't feel like you shouldn't wear it.

Oh and have you seen a counselor or anyone yet? It really does help. There will be horrible days, and there will be okay days. The good days will come, they just take a while. Mainly, take care of yourself.

Feel free to pm me if you ever need anything.


karinnieto's picture
Last seen: 8 years 1 week ago
Joined: 05/03/04
Posts: 1

Oh Honey, I am praying so much for you!! I can't imagine how hard it is and what you are going through!! Austinsmommy is 100% right, don't bottle it up...let your feelings out!! I posted this on the teen parents board also, but I know of a wonderful program that was designed to really help people who have been through something like what you have had to go through!! If you need anything or would like to talk, please feel free to pm me or e-mail me at [email]karin.nieto@mrcfw.com[/email]

Hang in there sweetie!!