SO clingy! any advice?

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waitingimpatiently614's picture
Joined: 02/17/09
Posts: 386
SO clingy! any advice?

hi toddler mommas! i need help. asher is going through a phase where he cannot stand for me to leave him, and just the thought that i might leave him is enough to send him into hysterics. he is fine and happy at home, plays independently, etc. but as soon as we pull into the church parking lot or a friend's driveway, he starts crying and insists that i hold him and not put him down. even when i'm holding him, he is still fussy and starts screaming if an adult approaches and tries to talk to him. i used to leave him in the church nursery every sunday (because who can focus in church with a toddler in the pew?) but two sundays in a row they had to come get me out of church because he had been crying inconsolably for 20-30 minutes. Sad and this is an environment that he is familar with. i have two close friends who have kept him many times at their houses, and now when we just go over there for a playdate, he freaks out thinking he is being dropped off. i can't even imagine actually dropping him off with them (even though they owe me hours because i've kept their kids) because what if he just screams the whole time? in the next couple weeks i have two weekly activities starting back up for fall (a bible study and a mom's group) where he will have to be left in child care situations and i'm just dreading it...knowing they might be coming to pull me out of the meeting because he won't calm down. and honestly, i need my time away from him! he is fine being left at home with DH or the one babysitter he knows well, but that's it. i really don't know what to do. any thoughts? how do i help him cope with these separations?

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

Does he have a lovey? If he could take that, I wonder if that would help. Are the people in the nursery trying to distract him with toys or songs, etc.? This age is hard because rational thought just isn't there yet. Most of our babies still see themselves as an extension of us. So, when we leave it is really hard for them. They just aren't seeing themselves as individuals quite yet. You cannot really reason with them either. Telling them you will be back might help, but they don't really have a concept of how long you will be gone or when they will see you again, which is kind of scary. :bigarmhug:

I am lucky that I have rarely had to deal with this. My DS and the girls both willing enter childcare situations pretty easily. Now, if a babysitter comes to the house, Sarafina just goes ballistic. She screams, refuses to eat, etc.. Thankfully, she does well once I leave or I think no one would ever come back. Let's not even discuss restaurants when my DH isn't there. Talk about embarrassing.

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

No advice but I'm right there with you! He's fine with grandparents...sometimes. Ever since I had the baby though he gets nervous when the grandparents are around, like he's expecting that if they are around it means I'm leaving. We haven't been to church in weeks because even before baby he would scream unconsolably when we tried to leave him in the nursery and is just too active to keep happy sitting in church (and if I'm going to miss the whole service might as well keep everyone happy at home and just read the bible with the big kids...). So we pretty much try to avoid leaving him when not necessary....I just keep reminding myself that before I know it he'll want nothing to do with us and I'll miss these days Wink

XplatinumXpixeyX's picture
Joined: 06/28/05
Posts: 324

Harley is only like this for me if DF is off from work and I need to leave for work. She cries so hard that she makes her self sick sometimes. But when I drop her off at my mom's or his mom's to be watched when I'm leaving for work she's fine. I think it might be the whole thing from home is the issue. I'm leaving her at home with out her and she doesn't like that.

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

"XplatinumXpixeyX" wrote:

Harley is only like this for me if DF is off from work and I need to leave for work. She cries so hard that she makes her self sick sometimes. But when I drop her off at my mom's or his mom's to be watched when I'm leaving for work she's fine. I think it might be the whole thing from home is the issue. I'm leaving her at home with out her and she doesn't like that.

We had this for a while with Sarafina. She would cry so hard if I left her at home with anyone (DH or babysitter). I think it was leaving her at home without me. She just associated home with mommy being there. She has gotten better now. I leave her with DH every Monday night, and she just yells, "bye" as I head out the door.