Some of you may remember me posting about my little one having trouble at daycare and being very clingy to me and DH the past few weeks. I talked to the woman at the daycare today and she said that Brynna continues to cry but eventually calms down. Her crying varies in length of time. Today she cried for only 20 minutes. Last week they let her cry for 2 1/2 hours before they let her call my Mom. My mom has offered to keep Brynna the next couple of weeks until the baby comes and then I will keep her the 7 weeks that I am off on maternity leave.
My question is do you think it's a good idea for me to just "give in" to Brynna and let my mom keep her or should we hold our ground and continue to send her to the daycare even though she cries every single day? I am so torn because part of me knows that we can't give her the idea that if she cries then she will get to leave like she wants but I also don't want my daughter crying for hours at a time either and if she needs the extra attention from us and our families right now then she should get it. Each solution has it's pros and cons and I am just at a loss right now as to what is the best solution. I guess maybe some outside perspective could help me see things better.
If it were me, I would take mom up on her offer.
I don't think this is one of those situations where you would be giving in to the crying as there is a lot more to your situation:
1. You are pregnant and having the stress of worrying every day about her crying will only make these next few weeks even harder on you and your family.
2. If she just started acting this way, and it's not a new daycare for her, I think something is up and this is not just a ploy for attention or control (of course you know your child and her temperament). My DS is the kind that if he was doing this, I would worry as he does not normally use crying and tantrum throwing as a means for getting what he wants.
3. With that said, I would be still be really careful how you frame the change with her, to avoid any connections of crying=get what I want. Maybe say "grandma wants you to stay with her for a few days, is that okay?" Keep it simple and positive and take the drama out of it.
4. While you're home with her, continue to prep her for the return to daycare. Try to see if there are other reasons for her not wanting to be there (older kids being mean, ect). maybe when you return her, it needs to be to a new place if that's the case.
Hope that helps!
DH Mike 2/10/01
DS Caleb 11/19/05
DS Jonah 11/25/11
Jessicah, I'm sorry to hear Brynna is still having such a hard time. I am not in any position to give advice on this but I absolutely see what you mean about the pros and cons of both sides. Clearly it's not just random acting out when there's a new baby on the way. I would probably "give in" and accept your mom's help just because it's such an emotional time for Brynna but I'd never fault a decision to tough out the next couple of days and hope it gets better with time at day care.
I agree with Amy. If she has been going to that daycare for a while and had no problems until recently, maybe something has changed for her there and she isn't happy? My DS started acting out a lot and crying when I was taking him etc. to a daycare he had been going to for a year and a half! After I changed daycares and a few adjustment days, that has pretty much gone away. He would tell me about kids being mean to him at the other daycare and stuff like that.
That's a tough one. I'm not sure what I would do and every child handles things differently. I do agree with what Amy is saying. I hope your able to find a solution.
♥ Amanda ♥
♥ Mom to: Jesse 16, Jacob 5, Ethan 3, Eli 2, & baby Andrew ♥
Amy said everything I was thinking. Having your mom keep her will make your life easier and more stress free right now. Also, it will save you money I assume.
And...I was going to say the same thing about not telling her the actual reason. Maybe you can say the sitter is going to go on vacation or grandma misses her and wants to be with her for a while. I would not reference the crying at all.
Thanks ladies. She has been going to this daycare since she was about 16 months old. I've sat her down and talked to her about it and all she says is "I just miss my Mommy and Daddy and I don't want to be at daycare I want to be home with you." I've asked her if the kids are mean (and most of the kids there she has been there with since she started) and she says no, I ask her about the workers and if they're mean and she said no. I really and truly just think it's the changes in our household. I know that has to be hard for a 4 year old to handle. I mean I'm almost 29 and I am freaked out about a new baby!
My mom talked with Brynna about it because Brynna had asked my mom if she could just stay with her instead of going to daycare. My mom told her that she would have to talk to me and her daddy about it but that mamaw would be happy to spend time with her while we were at work if that's what we wanted to do.
This is really your call. Like others have said, maybe there's been a change at the daycare with a teacher or another child and she's acting out because of it. Maybe she's just scared to tell you about it? I know this is super difficult on you and you want to do the right thing. If you're really torn on it, maybe you should take your mom up on her offer, but tell Brynna that you would like her to still go to school one day a week because that's what big girls do, and see what she says or how she reacts to that? That way you're not giving in completely (if you truely feel as though she's throwing these fits just to get her way... but you're her mom, so no one knows her better than you) but you're making her feel more comfortable...
Krystal & Donovan - 12/2/06
Reagan - 10/2/02
Maximus - 3/10/05
Liberty - 12/11/08
My angel in Heaven 1/7/13