I stole this from another birthing board, and I have tears running down my face it's so funny... and true! *Updated* I couldn't help myself, I had to go back through and add my fourth baby comments in (as Trystan will be my fourth!)... please remember this is supposed to be funny girls!
BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your doctor confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
My fourth: What clothes? I have to be naked to be comfortable now!
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby : You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
My fourth: I actually need the epidural right now...
The Layette :
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and foldthem neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
My fourth: Trystan won't look so bad in a pink polka dot bikini...
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
My fourth: I'll teach Trystan how to wind the swing himself.
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle..
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
My fourth: Forget the wipe, the five second rule applies!
1st baby: You change your baby's nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
My fourth: Get one of the other kids to change Trystan's saggy diaper!
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
My fourth: Going out in public at all will take an act of God.
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached...
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
My fourth: If the sitter sees blood, she can call 911, that's what they're there for!
1st baby : You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
My fourth: I literally lock myself in my room, curl up in the fetal position, and suck my own thumb.
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his pocket money.
My fourth: When he swallows a coin I'll just wait for him to make me change for the quarter.