Birthing Order... *UPDATED*

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Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454
Birthing Order... *UPDATED*

I stole this from another birthing board, and I have tears running down my face it's so funny... and true! *Updated* I couldn't help myself, I had to go back through and add my fourth baby comments in (as Trystan will be my fourth!)... please remember this is supposed to be funny girls!


1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your doctor confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
My fourth: What clothes? I have to be naked to be comfortable now!

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby : You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
My fourth: I actually need the epidural right now...

The Layette :

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and foldthem neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
My fourth: Trystan won't look so bad in a pink polka dot bikini...


1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
My fourth: I'll teach Trystan how to wind the swing himself.


1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle..
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
My fourth: Forget the wipe, the five second rule applies!


1st baby: You change your baby's nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
My fourth: Get one of the other kids to change Trystan's saggy diaper!


1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
My fourth: Going out in public at all will take an act of God.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached...
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
My fourth: If the sitter sees blood, she can call 911, that's what they're there for!

At Home:

1st baby : You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
My fourth: I literally lock myself in my room, curl up in the fetal position, and suck my own thumb.

Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his pocket money.
My fourth: When he swallows a coin I'll just wait for him to make me change for the quarter.

Joined: 09/01/10
Posts: 534

That's hilarious!!! I especially love the one about maternity clothes and the one about the Thanks for sharing Smile

gaidinsgirl's picture
Joined: 08/28/06
Posts: 2004

haha, This is great. I love it.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

That is so funny!! Thanks for sharing.

PAmom2boys's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 1494

Is it bad that it is so true! Lol

Joined: 08/29/08
Posts: 303

Teehee! I bet! Biggrin

.hilary.'s picture
Joined: 01/31/10
Posts: 1505

Lol!!!!! Biggrin

fireflies11's picture
Joined: 03/26/11
Posts: 613

That's about right!

Jenni Beth's picture
Joined: 03/03/11
Posts: 1407

I'm so embarrassed...because that is all true for me as a FTM :eek:

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

"PAmom2boys" wrote:

Is it bad that it is so true! Lol

I was laughing because most of the #2 things are totally me - especially not washing clothes first and tossing out the heavily stained stuff. LOL


joyjim's picture
Joined: 05/22/06
Posts: 822

Oh, my! so much of this is true! It is amazing how you think you will never do certain things, then you get to #3 and 4 and realize the kids are fine, no need to panic, it just makes you more tired!

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

HAHAHAHAHA ROFL I like your additions too Krystal! Hilarious! My fave at the "at home"

I can already see it coming...

.hilary.'s picture
Joined: 01/31/10
Posts: 1505

Hahahaha...Krystal, I LOVE your updates!! Lol!!!! ROFL

Joined: 06/04/11
Posts: 573

Too funny!
although I am finding myself more paranoid this time- even with my Ds who is 7 lol at his swimming lessons I have to hold back from jumping in the pool when he's swimming in the deep end!