This is so funny, I saw it somehwere else and just had to share!
Dear Womb Tenant,
This is a reminder that your lease expires on the 3rd of December. Usually I would be flexible and allow up to and additional 14 days, but over the last few weeks you have become a terrible tenant.
1. You have done serious damage to the structure of the entire building of the course of your tenancy. The exterior will need months of repairs and it's doubtful it will ever be in the condition it was before you took up residence, not to mention the damage that will be done to the exit when you leave.
2. The state of the plumbing in the building is horrendous. We have had major blockages as of late and for the last two months we have had leaking in the basement.
3. You also appear to be continuously adjusting the thermostat, swinging wildly from hot to cold.
4. For the last week you have been keeping the landlord up all night with your partying. If I didn't know any better I would assume that there were several people living in there based on the constant dance party you seem to be engaged in.
5. Because of your presence, we can not have alcohol on the premises. We also can't have pain killers, enjoy certain foods and have had to discontinue use of the hot tub. As the landlord I was under the impression that this would last 40 weeks, but you don't seem to be prepared to leave on your move out date.
In addition to the above stated, you seem to have taken over the area usually reserved for other uses- in fact you appear to have 2/3rds of the structure exclusively for your enjoyment. Over the past month you have attempted to move out several times only to return back to your residence, causing serious inconveniences for your landlord. Currently, you appear to have settled back in comfortably with no intention of leaving.
I have spoken with the authorities and you will be forcibly removed on December 13th if you choose not to leave on your own. I would hate for things to come to this- you have been a good tenant until recently and the authorities are known to have little respect for the building when they are force to go in after anyone who overstay their lease.
I would appreciate it kindly if you would evacuate the premises on or before the 3rd as we originally agreed. I have even taken the time to set up alternate living arrangements for you with two personal assistants, as well as maid and chef services. Let's end this arrangement on the best terms possible. You will not be getting back your damage deposit.
Signed, The Landlord