I don't want to be unfair and DH is great at doing actual baby stuff. He feeds him the bottle, holds him and changes the diapers with out complaint (mostly). Yet I am having a really hard time with him and feel unsupported and alone. He never hugs me or tells me I'm doing a great Job or anything even though I told Him I need this support right now. Ryan is still having a hard time nursing and isn't gaining weigh so I have to nurse, then pump and bottle feed. I am not making enough milk yet to have a stash packed away and am worried abOut my supply.
This is stressful enough, but DH s parents decided to come (we had said no visitors) from out of town and while they are not staying here I totally dread them sitting around our house all day long while I try to nurse and pump (which is all day long) and then loudly talk and chat while I try to get some precious sleep. Last night they arrived at 10 and insisted on seeing him right away even though we had both just gOne down for a much needed nap. They came in and were so loud that I couldn't sleep and then DH had the nerve to come in the bedroom to wake us to show the baby. I just about lost it. He said i was being unreasonable and mean. They them stayed till midnight and were so loud.
I am dreading the next week when they are here because I don't want to socialize just sit threre, pump and nurse and not worry about my boobs hanging out. With them I can't do that i am not comfortable. I will have to sit in our bedroom all day long while they are loud in the living room and likely demand to see baby the whole Time. DH thinks I am overreacting. I told him I needed his support and that he had to send them home at 10 every night so I could sleep But he says that's mean.
I am so fed up with this. We wanted peace and quiet when baby arrived and now both parents arE here (mine are quiet and helpful) and we have a full house and other people's demands to cater to. It's causing problems between DH and I and I am beyond stressed and upset. Sorry I jut had to vent.
Wow, I am so sorry you are going through this. It's hard enough adjusting to a new baby, let alone a baby with special feeding needs, and then having to entertain a bunch of guests. I'm sorry this is putting so much stress on you and your relationship with DH. I wish I had some advice to give. I'm sure your DH feels somewhat conflicted about trying to support you and wanting to accommodate his family. I think it makes it especially hard that we gave birth so close to the holidays. It gives everyone an excuse to visit and hang around. My DH's family is coming to visit next week for several days and I am still trying to figure out how I am going to do the breastfeeding thing. It's so convenient to be able to just pull the boob out whenever Evelyn is hungry. I'll have to confine myself to the bedroom probably. Well, I hope things get better and that the leave soon! In the meantime, I'm sorry you're not getting the emotional support you need. Is your mom at least helpful? I know my mom has been a huge support for me.
Elle - unfortunately I think a lot of the stuff you and DH are going through is normal. At least it was for us. Not that waking you or the baby up is ever ok.
For you and Carrie - as far as BFing in front of them, I think you may be more comfortable in time. At first its a challenge to get covered up properly and stay discrete but eventually it gets easier. My SIL would always BF her kids in the other room for like an hour at a time and we never got to see or hold the babies. On the other end of the spectrum I whipped my bbs out and fed and then tossed a blanket on my shoulder after we were situated. Dh was always so embarrassed. I figured it was my house and my baby needed to eat - if they didn't want to see my bbs they needed to look away for a second.
Haha jenn my DH is sort of embarrassed when I feed baby in front of anyone but our family. I don't care much baby needs to eat. I always have a blanket to cover so noone is uncomfortable.
My SIL would spend a lot of time in the bedroom pumping and feeding her youngest one we never saw her when she would visit us or when we went there.
I know how you are feeling and I see what your DH is saying too. Is there any room to meet somewhere in the middle? Maybe your parents could drop hints about what is upsetting you.
♥ Amanda ♥
♥ Mom to: Jesse 16, Jacob 5, Ethan 3, Eli 2, & baby Andrew ♥
((hugs)) to you!
First, I can totally relate to not feeling supported by DH! When we first brought Jonah home, my usually very supportive and sweet husband turned into a total poop! He was irritable and whiny! We have made it through that and looking back, I think all the changes of a new baby are so stressful on everyone. I had to sit DH down and have a "come to Jesus" talk about it! He eventually manned up once I told him that with all my hormones and feeding issues (we are still having issues) I needed him to suck it up or I would lose it and take him down with me!
Also, I don't blame you about the inlaws either! Why are some people so clueless when it comes to new babies and mommies??!!
The best advice I can give is to sit DH down (bring out the tears if you have to) and tell him that right now you need him to grow some balls be loyal to you as his family, not them. Tell him exactly what you need: him to set visitor limits, asking them to keep the noise down and to sit with you while you are trying to feed for support.
I feel like with all the change of a second baby, feeding issues, I have to constantly tell DH what I need since this is new ground for us.
DH Mike 2/10/01
DS Caleb 11/19/05
DS Jonah 11/25/11
In all fairness I don't like DH's mom on the best of days and the fact that they are pushing their way like that just royally pissed me off. The first time I talked to her after Ryan was born she said congratulations and then reminded me that I needed to make sure DH got enough rest so he wouldn't run himself ragged!! The nerve !!!
I have two boys now, and I've learned from MIL how NOT to raise them lol
DH Mike 2/10/01
DS Caleb 11/19/05
DS Jonah 11/25/11