Ugh, I hear you on IL issues. My MIL is here and my DH is catering to her, even when he should be resting (he got his vasectomy already) or helping me. And when she has the baby, she just holds her and forces a pacifier on her instead of changing her diaper or telling me to feed her. She just wants to hold her and not really address her needs and that PISSES me off. I can't wait until she leaves. I know that is horrible to say, but it is true. I have other issues too, but I don't want to hijack your post. I hope you get the support you need. I also have a hard time addressing these things with DH as he gets all defensive. Argh.
DH Mike 2/10/01
DS Caleb 11/19/05
DS Jonah 11/25/11
No worries about hijacking the tread I am happy to vent about the inlwas. DH got a little better now. I've been making him get up for every feed because I have to pump too and otherwise it's way too much time and I get no sleep. That made him realize just how much rest he was getting before... Ha! And now he's better telling his parents what needs to happen, and he's less whiny. Maybe I'll let him keep his balls .
Jules your mil sounds obnoxious!! The paci thing would piss me off so much. Just like Amy said I read that if babies sucking needs are met by bottle and paci he may be less eager to nurse, which is an issue for those with sleepy preemies or 36/37 weekers.
Amy good for you for nursing in front of her. If she doesn't like it she can leave . Jenn your mil sounds just like mine. Always concerned that her 32-year old baby is so hard done by. She even sometimes uses baby talk with him!! Nothing less sexy than hearing how your dh could go potty like a big boy before everyone else. God I will try everything in my power not to ever be like that with my son!
Elle, hugs to you!! Ugh...I can't believe the way your ILs were acting!! I am the same way about not wanting whip out the boob in front of anyone except DH. I am way too modest I guess. And I hear ya on the making small talk, etc. How stressful for you, I'm so sorry!! I can identify with a lot of your post. Like Carrie said, it's even more difficult because we had our babies so close to the holidays, thus everyone has an excuse to come visit! Hang in there, they WILL leave eventually!!
DS Austin ~ May '07
DS Jake ~ January '10, a moment in our arms, a lifetime in our hearts...
DD Allyson ~ December 1, 2011
My pg.org journal
Kim - you are right and I have thought about that a lot lately. With us all having babies this close to Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years more people have time off and are more willing to come visit. I'll be having my LO the day that most of my family goes back to work after Christmas and so some of them have said they will wait until NYE to come over. It will be nice to have a light crowd for those few days at the hospital.
OMG your DH is being a complete @ss. I would lose it if my DH did what yours is doing. He needs to understand that this is a very stressful time for any brand new mom and that the first few weeks are very hard and you need the most comfortable environment possible. If he has a problem with that, then I would tell him to get out. I know that's harsh, but it sounds like he couldn't care less about your feelings, and that's a big problem. I know this isn't what you want to think about, but is there any place that you could go? Your parents house? I know the last thing you want to do is pack up you and baby and go elsewhere, but you have to do what's best for you and your baby... making sure you get plenty of rest to care for him and be able to get him enough BM. I can't believe that he's telling you that you're being mean and unreasonable. Is he married to you or to them? Why is he so quick to trump your feelings for theirs? I'm pretty sure you're the one who just gave birth... not them! Good luck...
Krystal & Donovan - 12/2/06
Reagan - 10/2/02
Maximus - 3/10/05
Liberty - 12/11/08
My angel in Heaven 1/7/13
A quick update. Krystal, I couldn't agree more. Those were my feelings exactly. DH and his mom have a very weird relationship. She almost died of cancer twice and as a result (I think) is extremely needy. She constantly plays the cancer card and asks DH for help with the most simple tasks just to create this situation where DH takes care of her. I know not an excuse for DH to act the way he did.
We had a sit down the next day when we both hot some sleep. I made it extremely clear to him that I will not tolerate this any longer. Baby comes first and that means I need to be happy and content. Over the next week he did get better at setting limits with his parents even though of course not as much as I would but it's a start. I also explained to him that as a result of this bullying to get the way I will make a special point of controlling their access to baby down the road. No surprise visit son their terms or any of that. He was much more understanding when I explained myself to him somewhat calmly.
Apart from that I am happy to report that DH has really stepped up to the plate!! He has turned into mr mom and eagerly does feedings, diaper changes, and cuddles to give me a break. He loves hanging with baby boy and I am so imPressed! No lore whininess. Maybe it just took him a few days to get used to the craziness.
so happy things are better and DH understands what he needs to do for you both!
DH Mike 2/10/01
DS Caleb 11/19/05
DS Jonah 11/25/11