I suppose this is normal... 2nd baby worries

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Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 1346
I suppose this is normal... 2nd baby worries

I love Luke beyond words!! He is everything to me. I am really excited to have another baby... but I have this lingering fear that it will make Luke "less special." I remember telling my husband when I had him that I didn't want anymore babies, I just wanted to have Luke over and over again.

I'm so worried that I will lose little pieces of Luke by having another baby. I just love him SO MUCH. I'm really treasuring putting him to bed lately. I go and get him out of his crib at night just so I can rock him. Does anyone else feel like this? He's my little man.

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

I don't fear that I will lose little pieces of him as much as I fear he will feel like he is less special. I SO don't want him to feel that way! He will always be my baby, and bc this is a girl, he is even more special as he will always be my little man. I am sad that I will have less one on one time with him, but there are a lot of good trade offs... he gets a sibling, he will get more time with daddy, he will get to be a big brother etc. I'm trying to focus on all of those and plan to make sure I have special moments for just me and him from the time the baby is born until he becomes too cool to hang out with me. Wink

Some of my bigger concerns is how is he going to sleep through a baby crying in the middle of the night? How am I going to keep him busy while baby is nursing (esp if she is slow?!). How am I going to go to the store with both of them?????? haha.

Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 1703

I can't wait to hear the responses. I can't even imagine loving another DOG as much as I love my first pup. One of my multiples books says something along the lines of, "You'll love them both, don't worry. But you'll like one of them better. Just get over it because who that is will change by the minute." :eek:

PAmom2boys's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 1494

"triplespiral" wrote:

"You'll love them both, don't worry. But you'll like one of them better. Just get over it because who that is will change by the minute." :eek:

Haha! This is so true! Even without twins. I love all my kids but I do some days like one more than another. I don't show it but it's only natural.

As far as taking them all out at once at first it's pretty scary but you figure it out and it's so easy. I wonder how I'll do it with four little ones by myself I imagine I won't do it often Lol

The kids will always be that special one in your heart. He always be that special to you and he'll know it. It's just amazing how our hearts grow to make all of our kids special to us in their own ways.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

I feel like I should have written this! LOL My fear is how am I going to love this new baby as much as I love Brynna. She is my world and has been for 4 1/2 years. My heart still melts when I see her even if she's being a nightmare. I am sure it'll just happen but until then I am going to worry about how I am going to love two kids just as equally as I love one. It's scary to me. I also worry about how Brynna is going to feel having to share her Mommy with someone else. We have my step-son but he doesn't call me Mom so Brynna has no association with me being anyone else's Mommy but hers. I am just afraid.

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

I'm thinking along the lines of Jessicah - will I ever love this baby as much as I love DS. I know I will and it will all be good - but right now I think that way. And I do feel sad when I look at DS and he has no idea how our family is about to change. I'm tempted to let him sleep with us more now and cuddle him way more but at the same time I know it will make it way harder when the baby gets here.

gaidinsgirl's picture
Joined: 08/28/06
Posts: 2004

I wish wish wish I had saved a post from my November 09 board. I bawled my eyes out, totally freaked, had a melt down over this. My son was my entire world. The idea of another baby coming in and changing things destroyed me. I was so worried that Jamie would be hurt, neglected, confused, sad, bored, feel unloved etc etc. I could not ever imagine loving anyone the way that I love him. EVER.

Let me just say that he adjusted just fine. She is is favorite person in the world. When she isn't here or is napping, he is asking for her. He loves her so much.

He doesn't remember life before her and he doesn't feel like we hurt him by having her.

I love her just the exact way as I love him. You don't think it can ever happen, but it does. They put that baby in your arms the first time and it is the exact same feeling it was when you had your first.

You aren't going to believe me until it happens, but I promise it does!

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

Thanks for the reassurance Angie!! I figured it would be this way but my heart is so heavy right now. It's like I feel guilty for having another baby. It's nice to know that this feeling is normal.

gaidinsgirl's picture
Joined: 08/28/06
Posts: 2004

"_Jessicah_" wrote:

Thanks for the reassurance Angie!! I figured it would be this way but my heart is so heavy right now. It's like I feel guilty for having another baby. It's nice to know that this feeling is normal.

It is totally normal. I remember clearly how I Felt. I cried and cried and cried. I wanted my dd so much but the thought of hurting Jamie or not loving her the same, just broke my heart.

You are going to be so amazed how you feel when the new baby is born. I can't wait for all of you to have your second one so you can know just what I am talking about.

Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 1346

Angie, thank you!! your insight really helps!

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

I'm starting to watch "A Baby Story" again, and I saw the cutest one yesterday. The parents DD was about to turn 2 and baby #2 was on his way. She was a jealous little girl, so they were very concerned... then, when the baby came, they were pleasantly surprised to see how much she loved and cared for him and wanted to help with feeding and holding and walking in the stroller and such. I feel in my heart my DS will be very affectionate and helpful when it comes to his little sister. He is already so excited about her! (Im' sure there will be some jealous moments).

I have never felt that I wouldnt' have enough love for them both (ok, maybe a little way back in December when we were first deciding to have another baby), but my sister said the same things Angie did and I really truly believe that. They will all be special in their own way and I always knew this baby girl would be a part of my life someday, I just always felt it.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

I think that's normal. I had a boy again my second time around, and I felt like this, especially because they had different dads. That is, up until the moment he came out, and then I was completely in love all over again. It's amazing how you have the same amount of love for your children to go around! You'll see, everything will be fine!

Panonim's picture
Joined: 11/11/05
Posts: 439

Yep, Angie said it perfectly! It's totally normal to feel the way you do, but its not something you should spend time worrying about. Everything will fall into place. Think of the positives: the first time your oldest sees the new baby, when he/she wants to cuddle and kiss the baby all the time, and when they get older and can play together, and have little conversations with each other. Now THAT will make your heart melt!! Biggrin

Joined: 03/17/08
Posts: 1391

I remember reading this and bawling my eyes out when I was pregnant with Lindsay. Still makes me tear up!

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.

Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown

gaidinsgirl's picture
Joined: 08/28/06
Posts: 2004

That is wonderful Katie. I cried reading it now. I am going to share it with my cousin who just had a baby and has an almost 8 year old.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

Definitely shouldn't have read that at work. That is exactly how I feel.

thenamezkrista's picture
Joined: 12/03/08
Posts: 246

Aw that little excerpt is so perfect and so sad at the same time.

I feel more attached to Braiden now that I know another one will soon be sharing the lime light with him. I want him to feel as special and as happy as he does now around us. I hope that this baby will be a blessing to him as well and give him company.. That's all I think about when I am playing with B and watching him learn and be so excited to share all of his accomplishments with us. I think I'll always have a really special bond with B and I hope that I have a different special bond with Everette as well. Like every other mother of two says, It just works out. You'll see..