Hey ladies! Sorry I haven't been around much. We just moved our family across the country and its been really busy and stressful. I will be back on the preg.org bandwagon soon.
I've been having some trouble with Nicholas. He is, obviously, a totally different child than my first. My first baby really never cried so I never had to worry about this. Nick cries for hours and hours everyday, although I have to say it does seem to be getting better slowly. He had been crying 5-6 hours a day, sometimes that would be broken into two sessions, other times it would be one marathon cry session. Nothing I do consoles him. We walk around the house, bounce on the birth ball, sit and nurse, lay down and nurse, lay on the floor and stretch, lay in the swing, and then repeat the whole litany over again for hours on end. Eventually one of those things will make him happy and he will go to sleep. Lately I've been leaving him in his crib to scream. If he doesn't settle within 5-10 minutes I go and get him. The last three nights I've put him down to bed this way after hours and hours of walking the house and nursing with no relief. Letting him cry in his crib is always the last resort. I can't stop feeling awful about it. It gets to the point where I feel like nothing I'm doing is making him feel better, so whats the difference in holding him or leaving him in his crib when he just screams the same either way? ugh I feel awful about it. Tonight he screamed for three hours while I tried to get him to settle. I finally just laid him in his crib about 10 minutes ago and he's now sound asleep after 10 minutes of crying by himself. I sit outside his door and it just breaks my heart!
Am I doing something wrong? Please feel free to comment. Anything would help! I feel so guilty about letting him cry it out, but nothing else is working.
Last edited by Carolyn85; 01-29-2012 at 10:50 PM.
Baby #3 due July 6 2013
*lurk, lurk, lurk*
Just wanted to offer (((hugs))). I'm obviously a pretty inexperienced Mama, but I hear that some babies just cry. Babywearing works for us, as does carrying Laszlo around the house in an outward-facing position. But he isn't much of a crier. Apparently when I was about 2-4 months old, I'd just scream and cry inconsolably for hours every night. It got to the point where my Mom would go for a drive with me at the same time every night because that sort of helped.
I like to think that I'm pretty well-adjusted now...and I obviously didn't traumatize my parents too much because they had 4 more kids...this too shall pass!
Laszlo Jacob, 11/9/11
hugs to you!! wow, moving across country w/two little ones and one that cries a lot! You must be beside yourself exhausted!
Since you are asking for advice, I recommend the book, "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp. That book is all about babies that cry & cry w/no relief. I discovered it with my first and it changed everything for us and helped us learn ways to calm him. Seriously changed our life!
Also, you may want to take him to the pediatrician to rule out any physical issues leading to the crying.
Even though Jonah is easy to calm, we still use most of the techniques on him too (which I think is why he is such a great sleeper). Basically some babies are more sensitive to their environment and need to be calmed by recreating the womb for the first 12-weeks. We find J needs to be in the moby or swaddled in his swing to nap.
I think if you're letting him cry because you are at the end of your rope and need space to gather your head is fine, and wise. But making it part of your parenting, hoping he will eventually learn to self-sooth is rough for baby or you.
Last edited by fireflies11; 01-30-2012 at 12:40 AM.
DH Mike 2/10/01
DS Caleb 11/19/05
DS Jonah 11/25/11
So sorry Mama (((hugs))) Babies are enough work to begin with! When they throw extra fuss in there, it just makes it all that much harder.
I think you are doing what you can to keep yourself sane! I am so sorry you are going through this!
I am NO expert at all, but maybe he is suffering from some reflux issues? Just lurking around I have seen many mom's with crying little ones where reflux was to blame. Some reflux is also silent, meaning the outward symptoms like spitting up do not exist, but the crying and unhappiness does. Here are a few articles you may wanna read? It might just be something to start with anyway!
On the flip side, my second boy was loathe to sleep as well. It was a long tiring road with him and I completely understand what you are going through. For Him, it was a personality issue and like you, a few moments alone in his crib was all we could do to get him to sleep.
I also second the baby-wearing! Had I know more then I would have done that too... baby wearing is almost magical in its ability to soothe and gives Mom the ability to at least function!
My first baby was like that too. He just cried all the time. Nothing really helped so I totally understand how you feel. Looking back, I think he may have had some reflux, but he also just needed to grow out of it. I know this might not give you much hope, but by 5-6 months things were better. I know at 3 months he was still crying in the evenings because I remember watching the World Series on TV because I didn't need to hear it since he was crying. That was in October and he was born in July. It's so hard though! I feel for you! My 2nd baby was much like your first one and I have said that if they had come in the opposite order I would have wondered what I was doing wrong because my baby cried so much. But now I can tell it's just a temperament difference. At 4 and 2, they really do have opposite attitudes! Hang in there. It will get better!
I would say he was/is probably overstimulated if it only took 10 minutes to fall asleep in his bed. Some babies just need less help to get to sleep. Some just cry for no apparent reason. Ethan was like this. He did have reflux and it was rough for a couple of months. It's okay for him to cry. I know it hurts you but he'll be fine. If it still bothers you or ou think something else is going on with him you should ask the doc. Do you have one yet?
♥ Amanda ♥
♥ Mom to: Jesse 16, Jacob 5, Ethan 3, Eli 2, & baby Andrew ♥
I'm sorry. One of my babies is difficult but I can't imagine that much endless crying. I only have experience with a lesser version of a colicky baby, but I'd second the moby wrap (I was afraid of it at first and LOVE it now) and asking the pediatrician in case there's reflux or he's not getting enough to eat.
((hugs)) Rory is a MUCH different baby than Evan was too. And it's been a challenge. I can't say that he's done 5 hours of crying but he cries a lot more than Evan ever did, sometimes for extended periods and he is a challenge to put down -- but doesn't always want to be held either. I think you have to maintain your sanity while doing what you can to comfort him. If occasionally putting him down and collecting yourself is necessary then do it. You're giving him plenty of love and he'll be ok.
I never needed a routine with Evan he just kind of fell in to one and rolled with the flow. I've found it very different with Rory. I wouldn't say we're on a schedule, he eats on demand and takes a lot of baby cat naps but overall I keep him to a much more set routine than I did with Evan and at 8 weeks I am starting to feel like things are getting easier. He takes about 2 one hour naps a day in the swing and will occasionally swing awake and let me do things, it's taking me an hour to get him down for bed at night vs the 2-3 hours I was spending with a screaming baby just a couple weeks ago. Things get better.....but man there really are easy babies and difficult babies
Evan 12/10/09 9lbs 5 and 1/4 oz 21.5"
Rory 12/2/11 10lbs 12oz and 23"
I feel for you! The last week was brutal for us. Ryan doesn't cry that long in a row but he would wake up crying and continue every waking minute of the day. He also stopped sleeping in his bassinet and it would take us hours to get him down, and then he'd wake back up after 20 minutes screaming again. Suddenly yesterday and today he's in a much better mood. Who knows what to expect, I no longer expect anything with him anymore.
What I usually do to get him to sleep is lay him in his bed, and sit there with my hand on top of his chest and say shhhhh. sometimes he cries fir a while but he usually settles. I was tempted a few times to just walk away but DH then traded me off. I font think letting him cry the odd time will do any permanent harm but I would avoid it as much as possible. The one think that always works fir us is the sling (like a moby but woven). It might take 5 minutes but he always settles down in it.
Hope things get better soon. Hang in there. I know how brutal it is!!
Starting at about 2 weeks old my son started crying everynight for about 2 to 3 hou rs. He had colic/reflux. Some nights we would find things that helped like babywearing, baths, or the swing. Some nights nothing would help. I thought it would never end then one day it magically stopped. It will get better. I believe you have to do what you nave to do. If he is crying uncontrollably and you feel you can't do anything, then maybe you do need to put him in the crib for a couple minutes. We are all human and sometimes we need 5 mins to save our sanity.